Horrible Month
I'm new here and would just like to spit this crap out... Maybe it will help me feel better...?
So I had my son April 25th. I didn't have a good experience (ended up getting an epidural when I wanted to go all natural) and was in labor for 26 hours. Nearly had to have a c-section. My son is beautiful and happy, he's just about perfect.
Everything was going okay after we came home. I can't Breast feed due to issues with my nipples and my son couldn't latch on. Sleepless nights and such weren't too big of an issue. My mom had flown from Maui to see her fer grandbaby so I had an extra pair of hands. But on May 3rd my mom got a call from my uncle, and we found out that my older brother was found dead that morning...
I was close to my brother, and my mother loved him dearly... so it was a HARD hit.
After then I started detatching myself from my son, and taking care of him when my husband went back to work was something that I dreaded. The first day without my husband here was the worst day I had ever had. I couldn't stop crying and my boy was crying too.
Now it's been 10 days and I still feel really detached. I'm not sure anything is really "better" I just feel really numb about everything.
Plus not being able to go home (Husband and I live 1,000 miles from home due to USMC) and be with my family for the celebration of my brother's life was hard on me as well.
I don't know what exactly to do, if I am suffering from PPD or maybe it's PTSD... I don't see my OB until June 8th, and I'm going to talk to her then about it all and see what she says. But I feel like I need to be medicated... I am so sad all day and I am so anxious.
What should I do? I'm so lost, and I can't talk to anyone about this all... no one knows what I'm going through.
And I believe my mom is jealous of me right now. Before she left to take care of arrangements she said,
"I loose a son... and you gain one. It's not fair."
She hasn't talked to me since then.
Re: Horrible Month
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. PPD is difficult even in the best of circumstances, so I really feel for you. It sounds like you need to contact your OB sooner rather than later for mediation, and for possible counselor/therapy suggestions. Also check online for any support groups in your area. My support group here in MO was a godsend, even though it was just other mothers talking about their experiences.
I am so sorry about the comments that your mother made about losing a son. That is really not fair, but she is in pain and just lashing out. Hopefully, she can find some grief counseling of her own, so that your relationship can heal. But right now, please focus on getting yourself some help for grief and PPD.