looking for reassurance....thinking about TTC

pkaren · May 2011

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate forum for this, but I'm hoping to get advice from moms!

My husband and I have talked about having kids for about two years now and we keep going back and forth. We are stable financially and career wise. I'm just worried that everything will changed and we'll be chained to our house by a baby. I know that's a terrible thing to say! On the other hand, I think we will be great parents and I would hate to wake up one day and regret not having children. If we have a baby I know we will love it more than anything and we would be over joyed. I'm just hesitating taking the step to actually TTC!

I'm 30 and Husband is 33. He says he wants to do it now before he gets any older!

I guess I'm asking for reassurance? Has anyone felt this way and then totally loved being a mom? Will I forget all my worries when our baby comes?

robynlesley · May 2011

I think you can ask a parent of any age this question. And your worries are completely normal?and not really unfounded.

Yes, everything changes once you become a parent. While you may not be "chained" to the home and your baby, it's not as easy to go out and do the things you did when it was just you and your husband. EVERYTHING changes. Some things for the better. Some not.

I think if your desire to become a parent is stronger than your fears and the changes, then you should go for it.

Peppernut · May 2011

It's a tough decision!

I actually left my career to do the mom thing. I haven't regretted one instant of it. Even so, this is the most exhausting job I have ever had, physically and emotionally. I'd say hang out with friends who have kids, but really it's not the same as when the kids are yours.

Hm. Yeah, I don't know. For what it's worth, I am now 43, so you don't necessarily have to hurry your decision if you aren't ready.

Strunella · May 2011

I never felt conflicted about becoming a mom and I never worried about being "chained" to my house because I'm an older mom. My career is in a good place and I've already traveled the world and done many of the things I've dreamed of doing. So I was more than ready. My life hasn't ended because I have a baby. I still see friends and get pedicures. If you think your life will change, yes, it will and in ways you can't even imagine. And if you're ready for a change and all of the wonderful ups and downs of parenthood, you won't regret it.

On the other hand, if you feel like becoming a parent is going to cause you to miss out on something, then maybe you should wait until you've taken that trip or that class. You posted on the over 35 board, so to many of us, you and your DH are young. You still have plenty of time to knock a few big things off of your to-do list before becoming parents.

ateytelb · May 2011

I have been a parent most of my life (for 21 years) so I really don't remember what it is like not being a parent

If you are not quite ready for parenthood yet that's ok - you are still very young and don't have to start right now.

philkristi · May 2011

My husband & I were married for 13 years when we finally had our 1st DD. We had not planned on having kids and then we both got older (I was 34 & he was 35 when DD was born) and decided we want to have a child, also worried this maybe a mistake. We both have good jobs and are very very happy with our marriage. It is definitely a life changing experience especially since we were basically set in our ways. But we would do it in a heartbeat again. And I look back now and wish I would have done it back when I was 25. We are actually seriously thinking of having 1 more. We don't do nearly as much as we used to but it's a different kind of stuff we do now and it's so much fun just being with each other and DD. The first time I saw DD nothing else really mattered except how much I loved her and DH and our new family. So I would go for it!

peeper72 · May 2011

Such a funny thing: I still do exactly as I please. The only difference is that I now prefer stacking blocks and counting with my daughter to pedicures or tappas. I love adult urban living. I love being a mother way, way more than any lifestyle. You have so much time (your husband even more) so there's no need to rush.

NewMrs07 · May 2011

Strunella:
I never felt conflicted about becoming a mom and I never worried about being "chained" to my house because I'm an older mom. My career is in a good place and I've already traveled the world and done many of the things I've dreamed of doing. So I was more than ready. My life hasn't ended because I have a baby. I still see friends and get pedicures. If you think your life will change, yes, it will and in ways you can't even imagine. And if you're ready for a change and all of the wonderful ups and downs of parenthood, you won't regret it.

On the other hand, if you feel like becoming a parent is going to cause you to miss out on something, then maybe you should wait until you've taken that trip or that class. You posted on the over 35 board, so to many of us, you and your DH are young. You still have plenty of time to knock a few big things off of your to-do list before becoming parents.

This. I think it also depends on your baby's personality and how much help you have. I have a very active child and no babysitter, nanny or relatives close by. Plus, my husband works a lot so he doesn't help much. Except for the 15 hrs a week that I work and my son goes to daycare, it's just me taking care of him. Some days it's tough and I can't sleep as much as before or do everything I'd like to do. Running errands with a temperamental toddler is no fun. Then again, you could have a quiet, easygoing child and not have any issues at all. If I were you I would live it up a couple more years and then have a baby. I had a great time living my life before baby so by the time I had my son at 39 I was more than ready. If I had to do it again though, I would have started TTC at 34, not 38!

shellylovelee · May 2011

I could have written your EXACT post a year ago at age 36. I lived in NYC with amazing girlfriends, moved to Europe, and pretty much did whatever whenever I wanted up until I met my husband and married at 35. I didn't want the fun to end but I knew I/we wanted a child together. We almost started TTC last year but I changed my mind. Then I had a friend, several years younger, have a harder time getting pregnant and I realized I knew I wanted this so why wait further.

I'm 37 now and still have questions in my head like you. I keep thinking of fun things I enjoy and saying to myself, "well, I can't do that anymore." On the other hand, without this little guy there would be an enormous amount of experiences I wouldn't have either. My thought is he will change everything, but then again I'll just take him along for the ride!

Bottom line - you're young. Have fun, be adventurous, then go for it!

Daisiesinmygarden · May 2011

peeper72:
Such a funny thing: I still do exactly as I please. The only difference is that I now prefer stacking blocks and counting with my daughter to pedicures or tappas. I love adult urban living. I love being a mother way, way more than any lifestyle. You have so much time (your husband even more) so there's no need to rush.

This. Exactly this!

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