Girls night out=guilt ..vent

GoMommy · May 2011

My neighbor has been going thru a rough time, and she came up with the idea to have a girls night and get a margarita and some chips from the mexican restartant in town (20mins away from where we live). DS has been pretty intense lately and I've been feeling pretty stress, so I thought it was a great idea. DH was going to put him to bed, and feed him once. I got milk out for him (I BF) and waited until he only needed to eat once and get put down. we left at 8:45 and I got home at 11. I thought I had made it pretty easy for DH.. I guess not. I went out and had a great time. I drove so I only had one, which was fine, cuz I have a busy day tomorrow anyway.. it was more being out with out worrying about DS.

I get home and see the mobile is off the cradle and thrown on the floor. I asked DH about it, he tells me its been a long night. Really? ok, whatever. I say, ok, so why is it off the cradle. I guess it stopped working (batteries) and DH didn't want to deal w/ it, and it was "in the way" plus DS has been crying the whole time I was gone (great.. makes me feel like s h it.. now I'll really never leave). DH said DS won't go to sleep and cried the whole time (really? i've never had him no stop crying if you changed what you were doing, like walking, singing, rocking, whatever) Ugh, it just bugs me that I finally made a choice to get out and have fun without the baby and I come home and get guilted for it (wheter he meant to or not, he did).. UGH

HockeyWife4Life · May 2011

My DH does that too. He goes out all the time and does whatever he wants to. The last time I "went out" for a few hours it was to a bridal shower and DH texted me several times telling me that DS wouldn't stop crying. That's what he does, he's a baby, they cry! I ended up leaving early and he was just fine when I got home.

Don't let it get to you and don't let it stop you from going out. You need your personal time too!

kbuns · May 2011

Do not feel guilty! You need your you time! I'm blessed with a great DH who is ok with me going out every tuesday night after G goes to bed ( girls night /sushi/ and drinks) It our toasted tuesday, we have done this for the last 6 years and he tells me that I seem more relaxed after I have my girls time so he begs me to go out sometimes lol. But you need to explain to your DH that he needs to learn how to take care of the baby just as much as you. Its important and thats probably why he cried bc hes use to mom taking care of him and not dad. So don't feel bad and go out for an hour or so next week and tell him to get over it.

wannja01 · May 2011

Your H will have to learn his own way to sooth LO. My H came up with his own routine which was different from what I do. I need time away in order to recharge so H has no choice but to learn a few tricks of his own. Don't stop taking time for yourself. H can vent, let him know how much you appreciated the down time and leave it at that.

WannaBeCrunchyMama · May 2011

jkromer37:
My DH does that too. He goes out all the time and does whatever he wants to. The last time I "went out" for a few hours it was to a bridal shower and DH texted me several times telling me that DS wouldn't stop crying. That's what he does, he's a baby, they cry! I ended up leaving early and he was just fine when I got home.
Don't let it get to you and don't let it stop you from going out. You need your personal time too!

Are we secretly sister wives

myszko · May 2011

My DH does this on accident. I think they just have a harder time comforting them. Having the boobs does make it easier for me. You shouldn't feel bad, though. Dads should have alone time with baby too!

lilbit923 · May 2011

{{HUGS}} to you and I'm proud of you for getting out of the house. I wish I could do this more often.

DH, though extremely helpful with the babies, does bail on me alot. He has camping trips, scouting events, late nights at work, working weekends at the office and this leaves me with anywhere from 2-4 children at a time to care for. Sometimes the boys are visiting family for the weekend. Point being, just because there are fewer kids in the home doesn't mean I don't need help or a break.

My brother bails on SIL at the drop of a hat for hunting trips, football and baseball games. She has 2 little ones and it's highly frustrating for her to be left alone when my brother says "Uh, I need a break." To me, the guys are getting breaks all the time. It used to be where DH would tell me "get out for awhile" and his idea of me getting a break was to get a pedicure. My two hours away is supposed to be the same as him being gone for weekends or weeks at a time? I don't think so.

DH saw how frazzled I was, how upset I felt when whatever I was doing for the girls wasn't enough. Plus he saw how much it was wearing on me that I was left with no help when he was gone frequently. He paid for my SIL and I to go to New Orleans for a long weekend. My SIL is typically a slow poke but I had never seen her pack that fast before. We spent the weekend catching up, having drinks, sight seeing, buying gifts for the kids, calling to check on the babies and actually having a chance to breath and not worry about what time to wrap up and head to the daycare, what time to start dinner, help with homework, which baby to bathe first, change a diaper, prep a feeding, wipe up vomit, wake up in the night for another feeding or someone had a nightmare so they need soothing.

If DH can't handle LO when DS is crying then maybe he should help out more and learn your ways of soothing. There are going to be times when Mommy needs a break and won't be around. Daddy should learn to take over and get DS to calm down.

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