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Liz342
member
"Time out" for 1 year old
Liz342
member
Ok, I'm not sure if there is even anything I can do now and I know there really isn't any discipline suitable for a 1 year old but this is my problem right now:
DS is getting to the whiny 1 year old phase. He follows me around and whines but our main issue is he and DD fighting over toys. At first he would take her toy or sometimes sippy cup just not realizing that he shouldn't do it. Now, he will intentionally takes DD's sippy and run with it. If we give him his own cup he doesn't want it- he's just taking DD's because he knows it's something he shouldn't have. This morning, I had to follow their every move because DD was trying to wrap her doll in a blanket and DS kept taking the doll and blanket. I would redierect him and he would go right back to it.
When DD was between the ages of 1 and 2 we did "time outs" in the pack n play. Now, looking back, that was ridiculous because she really didn't understand it. I vowed to not even try it with DS. But now, I am starting to get desperate. My LOs play together TERRIBLY and most of it was due to DD being a 2 year old but now DS is picking up on it and starting to do the things DD does. (take toys, scream and cry etc).
I think it might be helping to remove him from the situation for a little bit when redirection isn't working but I feel like sticking him in the pack n play might not be the best idea.
Any ideas?
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Re: "Time out" for 1 year old
I know theoretically time outs aren't supposed to work for a 1 year old, but I do them with my DS and it has modified his behavior. We do timeouts very seldomly, and only for very bad behavior (like biting/hitting). Otherwise, we do a lot of praise when he's behaving well, and ignore bad behavior.
I don't do a traditional time out, though. I give him 2 warnings with redirection, then if he misbehaves a 3rd time, I remove him from the situation for 30 seconds. I don't get him sitting in a corner or anything, but we have a lot of baby gates around our house so I will remove him from the area he is in for 30 seconds and let him play again. If he's being bad to his sister, I just pick up the baby and go somewhere he can't get to and shower the baby with praise and ignore his behavior. That has been by far the most succesful in being a deterrant to his behavior. If your DS is stealing sister's toys just because he knows it pushes your buttons, maybe take the toy, take your DD in another area for a minute or so, and give her attention while you ignore his behavior. That might work better than a timeout.
GL!
he clearly istrying to engage w/ big sister & if together they can't figure out how to play where it is fun for both, maybe you can try to cut back on the frequency of the behavior by bulking up the time that the three of you (maybe you can fade out) are playing something fun for all - likely something w/ movement, rough & tumble, DS removes something/DD redoes it, chase game, etc - then hopefully DS will get a little more of what he needs at more appropriate times & while fun to DD too
secondly, instead of removing him, can you relocate her to a place where he can't access her - maybe she culd play w/ her doll on a bed he can't get up on or in a room gated off, etc.
We don't do punitive TOs here. They backfired horribly with my SD & I remember the same happening with my younger brother. We do "positive" TOs here. Basically it goes something like this: "It looks like you're not able to play nicely/stop throwing/stop taking toys/whatever. Let's go sit for a bit & calm down & try again in a few minutes." Up to about age 3, you need to go with him, but after that he can take himself to his cool off spot.
This can work for a child who's just angry or having a tantrum too. It's basically taking a minute to calm down & collect yourself, which is a valuable skill at any age. Ari picked up on it fairly quickly & will even ask to go take a time out & say "Ari upset! Ari mad!" when he has a tantrum or just gets overwhelmed.