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January 2012 Moms
Mommy2Grayson
member
Raising a "genderless" child...
Mommy2Grayson
member
I posted this is 1st Tri, but I felt that it is a very interesting topic, so I'm posting here as well. To me, this is odd and I think it would completely confuse the children, but I wanted to hear everyone else's thoughts.
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Re: Raising a "genderless" child...
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v247/indie_chixor2/?action=view
I think that that's really extreme. I get that some people don't want their children to be "limited" or pinned to a sterotype of what they should/shouldn't do/wear... but there's ways to teach children to be themselves and make their own choices without hiding their gender.
Parents "tell children what to do" because they are children---they don't know. It's the parent's job to teach morals, values, etc- which includes social norms. I feel like they are setting up that kid to be an outcast.
Child #1 June 2012
Child #2 Feb 2014
Child #3 Feb 16
BFP 3/9/17
I agree this is a super interesting topic, so I'm going to re-answer to your repost
Gender is a weird issue to me...I don't understand why anyone really cares about the sex of an unborn child (or really any preadolescent child). I worry that it contributes to little girls feeling bad at science/sports and little boys avoiding literature/arts.
But this family seems gimmicky and I agree with PP that there would be better ways to de-emphasize gender than very publicly proclaiming that they won't tell the sex of their baby. The kid will get tons of attention when its sex is revealed, which seems to teach the opposite point.
Bizarre. This gender argument always irks me to no end. I was raised as a girl, both in sex and in gender and I am a normal, healthy, happy, educated woman.
Gender is a construct of society, but if you are raising your child in that society as "genderless" you risk your child becoming a social outcast and limiting their life experiences far more than gender norms ever would.
Bad parenting is bad parenting. Gender roles play far less into the makeup of a child's self worth and future than the child's parents. If you make your daughter think she is bad at math and science because she's a girl or forbid her from playing with dolls because it is sexist, you are doing the same amount of damage. If you restrict your child's development physically, emotionally or socially in any way on purpose, you put your child at risk.
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I agree with the PP, it's odd.
I know with my DD, I don't push stereotypes but she is clearly a girl. She has a toy BBQ grill and tool box, she plays with cars. But she also loves her dolls and her kitchen and her girly things. I think the problem happens when parents say no when their kids want to do something that is against the grain. If a boy wants to play with a doll and the parents don't allow it- why not? It doesn't have any deeper meaning, it's a toy.
The whole situation makes me sad. I think the whole idea of unschooling is horrible. Their sons are already paying the price. They want to be known as boys and I am sure they are already getting negative reactions because they dress like girls and have long hair. They probably don't know what to do and their parents aren't there to help them.
We raise our son as a boy and our daughter as a girl. However, we have all sorts of toys. DD loves trucks, DS will play with the doll house. I don't care. DS is definitely male and he prefers to run and play with cars. I didn't force him to be that way. He has had so many things to choose from. He just chooses things that are more male. DD is definitely female. She loves walking around, holding her puppy. I can see her nurturing side. I don't force that on her either. That's what she chooses.
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Tizzle 10/07 ~ Boppy 7/09 ~ Chicken 1/12
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Currently reading: The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon
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I commented on this post on the first tri board but I'll say it again here- I'll bet my last dollar that if their five year old son said he wanted to play with trucks, cut his hair short, and wear blue t-shirts, these parents would tell him he's mistaken.
I think this is extreme. I can understand not forcing gender stereotypes on any child, but to withhold from them and their friends and family their gender is going to be confusing and difficult for that child when he gets older and has to try fitting into a world where the majority of people, even very small children, identify themselves as one sex or the other. I also have a problem with the parents imposing this "social experiment" on a child who is too young to know what's going on or voice an opinion on the subject, just because they believe that the rest of the world needs to change their perception of gender. I'm not saying they need to conform, but I don't see the point of using one's own child to the end of pushing a moral or political opinion they're too young understand, hold, or agree with.
Personally, I will do my best not to force anything on my kids. I will educate them, but their decisions are their own. Whatever they decide to do or be, they will have my love and support.
Well said, especially the bolded section. I don't have a problem giving my daughter tools, they're one of her favorite toys. Her other favorite is baby dolls. If we have a boy, and he wants to play with barbies and paint his toe-nails, fine. He'll probably also love to race cars and be a cowboy. This is an extreme action to take with your children. I wonder how much of this is being pushed into them versus the choices they are making on their own. Are they really free to be themselves, if being themselves conforms them to the norm?
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I am astonished right now!
I think as a parent your role is to guide and lead your children to knowledge, morals, values, etc because as a society we tend to not ask questions. I think this does more damage to development than good. You can lead and guide without pushing your own beliefs. Wow!