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Babies on the Brain
Ferberizers
How long did your LO's initial cry-fest last the first night before they fell asleep/you gave up?
K just cried for 75 minutes before I gave up and went back to our old routine. Maybe that wasn't long enough to make any progress? The poor thing could hardly cry by the end, she was so hoarse. She did fall asleep without me having to touch her-- usually I have to hold her hand or touch her head.
Ferber sucks. Not sleeping sucks. I kinda want my puppies and rainbows vision of parenthood back.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ferberizers
Did you read the book? I only ask because my suggestions will be based on if you read it or not.
Oh and to answer, Ruby cried like 10ish minutes the first night.
OK. I'm glad you ordered it. The info in the book is invaluable. You need to learn about sleep cycles before you can really do the program correctly (IMO at least). Some of the things that need to happen are keeping baby up later than usual bedtime, that way she is tired enough to actually go to sleep, rather than cry endlessly. Then the next day, you wake her at her normal wake time, and do not let her sleep in. Also do not let her nap longer than her usual. This will result in a sleep shortage, which you need, so that she will be tired enought at night to fall asleep fast. Once she has learned she is able to fall asleep on her own, you can start moving her bedtime back to where it used to be.
The book also talks about how many hours total she should be sleeping and how it should be broken down for night sleep and naps. He talks about setting limits as well as scheduling.
I personally found out that if I go in and check on her after 5/7/10/whatever minutes it makes the whole process worse and longer.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I royally screwed this up. Hopefully I didn't scar her for life.
Should I forgo this until I get the book? Or do I try again tomorrow and hope it's less than 75 minutes? I'm just worried that I'll completely confuse her if I do it tonight, then nothing for a few days, then start all over again.
Also, my OP doesn't really make this clear, but I did do progressive checks- I didn't just let her cry for 75 mintues. I started at 2 minutes and increased by 1 minute up to 8 minutes.
This is probably why she went 75 minutes. I actually put her down about 10 minutes before her bedtime because her big nap was messed up today. I'll let it go until I can read the book. Now I feel like sh!t.
She will forget about it and won't hold it against you, don't worry. It's good you're waiting to read the book though. I'd suggest reading it all the way through before you start. Some people only read the parts on progressive waiting and start right away, but he has some really great points in the rest of the book too.
Yeah, read the book before trying it again.
FWIW - We're on night 6 tonight. The first night he cried for 66 minutes. 20 minutes in, he had pooped, so we changed him and he went for another 46 minutes. We did 3, 5, 7 minutes.
Tonight he went down with zero fussing. He started to stand up in the crib as I was leaving the room, but I didn't look back and he never made a peep. Keep in mind that the 6 weeks prior, it would take upwards of 3 hours to get him to sleep, and he ended up in bed with me EVERY night. And the last 2 weeks of that, DH didn't even bother going to bed with me and slept on the couch from the get-go. I got to my breaking point last Tuesday. Wednesday night was night 1, and now he's STTN with no fighting.
From my understanding, the book is essential to making it work.
"I'll gladly take cold sores over eye herpes" -ElieFin
"Unicorn glitter gives me UTIs." -Leila'sMommy
Awww don't feel bad. She will eake up tomorrow (or whenever she usually wakes up) and still love you the same.
What exactly are the sleep issues you guys are having? Is it that she cannot fall asleep, stay asleep, waking multiple times a night, still needing to eat overnight, all of the above?
"This ribbon has been reported." - lovesnina
This makes me feel so hopeful. I've slept in the same bed as my husband, without K, ONCE since she was born. When people ask if we're going to have #2 soon, I just have to giggle inside--there's obviously not a whole lot of TTC going on.
Bev, she's just unable to sleep alone. She doesn't fall asleep on her own and she's up multiple times a night. Right now the only way to get her to sleep is to lay next to her and hold her hand or her head. And, of course, when she wakes in the middle of the night, she expects the same thing.
I don't mean for this to turn into a a "woe is me, I'm an awful parent" thing, but I feel like I caused all this. boo-hoo. Ugh.
Ruby was the same. She could not fall alseep, nor stay asleep at all. She had a horrible nurse to sleep association and I could not break it. The first night of Ferber she cried for just over 10 minutes, and slept for 8 hours. We have been doing it for about 4 weeks and most night she still cries for 3ish minutes, but she then STTN 10ish hours.
Tonight she didn't cry at all. She just rolled onto her side, closed her eyes and slept.
I was initially so opposed to Ferberizing - I read every book out there trying NOT to do it. But his sleep was actually just getting worse and worse. From 4 months to 6.5 month, he was waking every 1.5 - 2hrs. 5 or 6 times a night. It would take him anywhere from 10-60 minutes to go back to sleep. And he had to nurse to sleep almost every time. It finally got to the point where my own sleep deprivation was really starting to affect me. I couldn't walk in a straight line anymore - I would walk into walls. I was terrified I was going to crash the car with him in it. I had to put aside my qualms about crying because it had become a true safety issue.
Part of the problem, and I fully admit it, was my own inconsistency. Some nights I'd try to let him try and settle himself, but he'd get so worked up crying that I'd go in and try to help him. Sometimes I'd go in and just pat his back. Other times I'd pick him up and rock him - all in an effort NOT to nurse him back to sleep. But when those things didn't work, I'd just give up and nurse. So from night to night, the poor guy never knew what to expect - "am I just gonna get a pat on the back tonight?" "or am I gonna get to nurse and fall asleep in mommy's arms?"
Once we showed the slightest bit of consistency, he caught right on. Instead of it just being me going in, my husband and I would alternate. We did 1/3/5/10 minute intervals. The first night, HE NEVER MADE IT TO THE 10 MINUTE CHECK. He fell asleep and slept for 8 hours. He had never done that before in his entire 6.5 months of life. The next few nights were roughly the same. Some nights he still fusses for a few minutes, other nights he goes down without a peep.
One suggestion I would have for you is to space the intervals out at more than 1 minute. I found that the checks were more of a disruption to him than anything else - they would rile him up just when he was trying to settle himself. That's another thing - if the sound of the crying starts to get very half-hearted, don't go in! Just wait and see if she can settle herself to sleep. DS does this thing that DH calls "the battery winding down"... WAAAA WAAAA waaaaaaa waaaaaa waaaa waa wa.......zzzzzzzz.
Good luck! Ferber has truly been life-changing for us. We are all so much happier and well-rested!
Sadie was the same. She had developed a serious suck to sleep association and we were full time bedsharing and most of the night she was nursing. She'd wake almost every 2 hours. I was a zombie.
Like Pink Roses, Ferber was a last resort for us. B/C we had multiple habts to break (bed sharing, all night nursing, so self soothing) I approached it in steps, which Ferber is flexible about. First we moved her out of our bed but still in our room in a PnP. The first night we did the 3/5/10 intervals and she cried through the 3 min, 5 min and was out by about minute 8 of the the 3rd. She was still waking 1-2 times a night but it was so much better.
After about 2 weeks we moved her to her room and into her crib. First night she cried for about 12 minutes total. It's been about 3 weeks now and she sleeps solidly from 7:30-5:30. She was still waking once, but we've done the progressive waiting again to eliminate it and the last 3 nights she's STTN completely.
I can't say enough about the Ferber method. It gets a lot of bad play on TB, my guess is by people who haven't read it. I found it to be a very thoughtful, kind approach to sleep. Our whole family is better off since using his method. Read it, even if you don't wind up using the method there is so much good info in there. GL!
"This ribbon has been reported." - lovesnina
Consistency is absolutely key. Last night we went into the room, sat on the floor and read books, and since he knows this is the routine now, he just rested in my lap. I put him in bed totally awake, he just rolled over and went to sleep.
You HAVE to create and maintain a routine.
"I'll gladly take cold sores over eye herpes" -ElieFin
"Unicorn glitter gives me UTIs." -Leila'sMommy