Would this be rude?

Emcat1980@yahoo.com · May 2011

The ILs are coming to visit this weekend. We have lived here (NC) for a year and are moving home (near them) at the end of June (1 week after my due date). They decided now at the very end that they just had to come visit. I am a little annoyed b/c I am very pregnant and trying to get our apartment packed up, I have eighty million things to do preparing for the move, and now I have to play hostess/deep clean this tiny apartment/etc. We have no spare bed so they will be on a blow up double bed on the floor in the den..... I am not sure they even know this but DH refuses to tell them because he says it will be "rude" to suggest they should get a hotel.

Anyway, I am really freaking exhausted. My H is in a very busy fellowship and works about 13 hrs a day, more when he's on call. He does ZERO around the house and is ZERO help with the moving logistics, which I get b/c he works a lot, but I am just totally drained with packing/planning and this week deep cleaning/preparing for his parents.

They'll be here Fri-Mon.....if I sent them out for a bit without me so I could have a few hours to myself....would that be awful? DH wants to show them the university's campus so they could take DS for a few hours one morning. I'd do everything else with them this weekend. It's already over 90 degrees here and I just don't feel like traipsing around in the heat. I feel like such a b**** because they are really nice people, but I am fat, tired, hot, and yes, annoyed about this visit in general.

Sorry this is so long - turned into a rant session - let me know your thoughts!

JennaHope · May 2011

Given your moving situation and pregnancy, I don't think it's rude to ask them to stay at a hotel. And I come from a family where you let other family stay with you. I would also use them to your advantage. Have them take DS places, play with him while you pack etc. Just explain to them that you don't mean to be rude but you have so much to do and tire easily due to the pregnancy. Hopefully they will understand and make DS their priority thus alleviating some of the stress from you.

JOEBunny · May 2011

I don't think it is ever rude to ask people to stay in a hotel, assuming they will not go bankrupt with a 3 night visit. You could even pay for it, since it is way cheaper than renting/owning a larger place. There is a B&B down the street from us. We have put FIL there many times. He goes to bed a lot later than we do, sleeps later, and our guest room is also our media room and where we go to get ready in the morning. It just works better and is more relaxing to all of us. My family never does the hotel thing and it irritates me. My parents just added onto their house because they want us all to come and stay with them. They live in a resort area and could easily rent a house for us (or we could pay if they would let us) for the 2 weeks a year we go down there for far less, but that is not their style. It is a total waste of money IMO, since they really just added bedrooms that only we will use, not space they can use when we are not around.

Emcat1980@yahoo.com · May 2011

Thanks for the support re: hotel -- I am LOL'ing over here -- that really isn't my question b/c my H is ADAMENT we not suggest that (they are an everybody-bunk-together kind of family). I honestly don't mind houseguests, even when pregnant, when I have the room. They came when I was 36 weeks pregnant with DS (we lived in a house then w/ guest room and bath) and it was fine. It's just these teensy apartment and the move, etc. They easily could afford 3 nights at the Ritz --- that is not the problem at all! I am really hoping when they get here and see the blow up bed and boxes everywhere they will elect for a hotel themselves Wink

What I was really asking in that long, rambling post was would it be rude to send DH, DS, and ILs out for a few hours while I stay home (just to veg/relax)? I know they are coming 1000 miles so I don't want to be rude/antisocial but I could really use the break.

Thanks

susanmosley · May 2011

no, not rude! Any reasonable person with whom you have a solid relationship would understand completely.

Rebekah1021 · May 2011

Heck no. Not rude. I hope they are planning on doing some work. maybe take a car load of stuff you have already have packed?

hellopoppyseed · May 2011

Even if they decide not to stay, you'll still want the place clean. That's where you should hire someone this time. Then tell them you are feeling tired and achey and don't want to go on a tour of stuff you've already seen. I think they will totally understand.

mrsfirefly · May 2011

Not rude at all to send them out without you!

RaeAnt · May 2011

Emcat:
The ILs are coming to visit this weekend. We have lived here (NC) for a year and are moving home (near them) at the end of June (1 week after my due date). They decided now at the very end that they just had to come visit. I am a little annoyed b/c I am very pregnant and trying to get our apartment packed up, I have eighty million things to do preparing for the move, and now I have to play hostess/deep clean this tiny apartment/etc. We have no spare bed so they will be on a blow up double bed on the floor in the den..... I am not sure they even know this but DH refuses to tell them because he says it will be "rude" to suggest they should get a hotel.

Anyway, I am really freaking exhausted. My H is in a very busy fellowship and works about 13 hrs a day, more when he's on call. He does ZERO around the house and is ZERO help with the moving logistics, which I get b/c he works a lot, but I am just totally drained with packing/planning and this week deep cleaning/preparing for his parents.

They'll be here Fri-Mon.....if I sent them out for a bit without me so I could have a few hours to myself....would that be awful? DH wants to show them the university's campus so they could take DS for a few hours one morning. I'd do everything else with them this weekend. It's already over 90 degrees here and I just don't feel like traipsing around in the heat. I feel like such a b**** because they are really nice people, but I am fat, tired, hot, and yes, annoyed about this visit in general.

Sorry this is so long - turned into a rant session - let me know your thoughts!

HOLY CRAP! What are you going to do if you don't have LO on due date or before? Are you a fast healer?!

As for being rude, unless they plan on helping to pack,etc I wouldn't want them there either! Heck everyone would be more comfortable if they stayed in a hotel-air mattress, partially packed house,etc. I can understand them wanting to see the area you are before you move back, but..geez!

Emcat1980@yahoo.com · May 2011

I know, it sucks big time. Poor timing on our part, but you know how that goes..... My husband is a fellow and starting private practice on July 1 (1000 miles away from here) and for a myriad of reasons, that can't be delayed. Insurance is with his current employer obviously, so I HAVE to deliver up here. I am just praying that I go on time/before or else I guess I will be looking at induction around my due date (which I am REALLY not wanting to do). We toyed with the idea of me staying up here and just waiting to go naturally, but we have a 2 yr old and the only relative anywhere nearby is a cousin 1 hr away. Our lease is up at the end of June....it would just be really tough. Plus my H wants to obviously be present when baby arrives. Ugh. It's just a sucky situation. In another week or 2 I am going to start LONG walks with LO, lots of sex, and hoping to get this baby out before June 24. Tongue Tied

Regarding healing, even w/ a 3rd degree tear w/ DS I was up and about and feeling good pretty much immediately. I mean, a little sore but overall it was a breeze. My sister is going to fly up and fly home w/ me and the kids so my H can drive the moving van home.....so at least I won't be dealing w/ a 2 day drive immediately PP. Thankfully we are moving 'home' ---- within 1 hr of both our entire families, so we'll have a lot of help when we get there.

ANYWAY thanks for all the support ya'll. My H is a very loving and devoted son, and his parents are truly nice and lovely people, but he is TOTALLY blind when it comes to them and flat out refuses to do anything that they might take offense at. They are pretty reasonable people and if we explained why a hotel would be easier for all of us, I'm sure they would get one in a split second, but my H is the sticking point so far. Ugh! He likes us all to hang out in the mornings, have a leisurely breakfast and coffee, etc. I normally do too, but this time things are a little different. I am quite irritated that they waited an entire year then tried to squeeze this trip in. His sister tried to pull the same thing! She wanted to come 'visit' when I am going to be 38 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! I put the brakes on that immediately, thankfully!

I will definitely plan on sending them out for a bit without me and I will watch TV and nap and relax. Yes

Want a personalized experience?

Would this be rude?

Re: Would this be rude?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards