Why do people buy things NOT on your registry?

Snow1010 · May 2011

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I really don't get it! I completely understand when people buy some things that are not on your registry...like clothes, books or things that their babies really enjoyed and you forgot to put on your registry.

I haven't even had my shower yet, but a few folks have let me know (for various reasons) they are having things shipped to my house. They asked that I don't open them...but, I'm also ordering a ton of stuff and the package labels don't indicate whats what, so I've accidentally opened some of my gifts.

For example, I'm registered at BRU and have a "bathtub" and swing on my registry. My aunt actually purchased my gifts at BRU but she got a completely different bathtub and swing than whats on my registry.

I don't get it . I did a lot of research on what items to register for so I really like the specific items. Now I debate taking off the swing and tub I actually registered for so I don't get duplicates. Or, I guess I could just take items back.

I'm guessing this happens quite a bit, but it just doesn't make sense to me!

JenWhite123 · May 2011

I don't get it, either!

We are team green, and people keep telling my Mom they don't know what to buy - we are registered at BRU and the registry info is on the invitation. Our registry has items in every price range, probably half of the items are $20 or less, and there are at least 15 items less than $10. How can you not know what to buy?

My opinion - if you buy something other than a registry item, you take the chance that the item will be returned, or worse, given to Goodwill unused. I don't want to spend my hard-earned money on a gift that isn't on the registry in case it goes unused.

Annabelle81 · May 2011

Some people think registries are not personal and like to put thought into their gifts. While I don't personally agree with this, I can understand that my older relatives get pleasure out of shopping and picking out a gift they think I'd like. Just smile, say thank you and return it later. Except for gifts from grandma's, don't return those, they'll come over and look for them

I don't get why people get so upset about this topic. People are buying you gifts!

mandyhall2882 · May 2011

Annabelle81:
Some people think registries are not personal and like to put thought into their gifts. While I don't personally agree with this, I can understand that my older relatives get pleasure out of shopping and picking out a gift they think I'd like. Just smile, say thank you and return it later. Except for gifts from grandma's, don't return those, they'll come over and look for them I don't get why people get so upset about this topic. People are buying you gifts!

Agreed Yes

cburitz · May 2011

:::lurking from July:::

Perhaps the items purchased were cheaper than what you registered for? I have a few family members who are very into sales/clearance and they purchase whatever they find on the clearance endcaps - regardless of reviews, saftey ratings, etc. I'm all for a good deal but it drives me nuts since I spend so much time researching very specifically what I want.

I would just politely say thank you to whomever purchased the items and then return them and purchase what you actually want.

JenWhite123 · May 2011

cburitz:

:::lurking from July:::

Perhaps the items purchased were cheaper than what you registered for? I have a few family members who are very into sales/clearance and they purchase whatever they find on the clearance endcaps - regardless of reviews, saftey ratings, etc.

Sure, the items might be cheaper, but people also might be wasting their hard-earned money by buying something not on the registry. It may be something that the mom won't use or gets duplicates of. Just another thought.....

MandiNewMommy · May 2011

I don't get it eaither...it just takes time to take things back. I haven't had a shower yet but I know this happened a lot with my wedding...I don't want things that don't match my house and what not...who knows why people do what they do!

heathlyn9 · May 2011

I don't really understand it either, especially when I registered for similar things to what they are purchasing. I had my first shower on Saturday & only 1 person actually bought stuff off my registry. I returned pretty much everything I didn't want/need & got gift cards/refunds. I feel a little bit bad, but my kid already has more clothes then he will ever be able to wear. I think people just like to buy things that THEY think are cute.

BK33 · May 2011

Return them! If you are anything like me you researched each item and read the reviews. Items they purchased may have been cheaper but they are cheaper for a reason. Which is why you didn't want them

BobbiJanay07 · May 2011

I would take them back and use the credit to get what you want.

jenmarshall88 · May 2011

The same thing is bothering me. I mean, I am BEYOND GRATEFUL for these people and what they are doing for me. But I think what drives me crazy the most is that I tell these people where I'm registered and they don't even look. I think registries are important, they are a guide. And so many people tend to buy me the same thing. I have duplicates of a few things already and I haven't even had my first shower. I appreciate the people buying these things but wouldn't they rather I use it? So just look at my registry and you want to get me something from a different place--at least use my registries to see what I need and don't need. I just don't get it.

jaredandjenny · May 2011

A gift is exactly that, a gift. You don't have to like it, just accept it with a smile, thank the person and return it if it's that big of a deal to you. I only have a registry as a guide and mostly as a list for us to get what we need for the baby. If people want to buy the things we picked out fine, but we're not going to be so picky as to if they get us something a little bit different. Like I have a mattress on the registry and DH's grandma said she wanted to buy us the mattress. The one on the registry is online only and I know she probably won't buy it online. Which is fine, and I will research whichever one she gets us to make sure it meets our standards.

I also know a lot of my mom's side of the family doesn't even realize that places have these registries even if they're told 100 times about them.

Matt Dvorak · May 2011

I honestly don't understand being upset about this - gifts are the choice of the giver. Personally, I like registries b/c I'm not very creative with gifts and don't have the time to think much about them. But others are different and like to put their own thought into what they spend their money on.

chillyupnorth · May 2011

lincolngirl:
I honestly don't understand being upset about this - gifts are the choice of the giver. Personally, I like registries b/c I'm not very creative with gifts and don't have the time to think much about them. But others are different and like to put their own thought into what they spend their money on.

Agree 1000%. If you're as grateful as you say you are, just accept that you can't dictate every single item people will give to you. To me, this type of attitude is the peak of ungratefulness.

Flame away.

TanyaKM · May 2011

chillyupnorth:
lincolngirl:
I honestly don't understand being upset about this - gifts are the choice of the giver. Personally, I like registries b/c I'm not very creative with gifts and don't have the time to think much about them. But others are different and like to put their own thought into what they spend their money on.
Agree 1000%. If you're as grateful as you say you are, just accept that you can't dictate every single item people will give to you. To me, this type of attitude is the peak of ungratefulness.
Flame away.

I'm not going to flame you because I totally agree. I'm frankly surprised by how many posts there are complaining about what gifts were given at a baby shower... these are GIFTS people. If you don't like something, return it. Someone spent their hard-earned money to buy something for your baby, and now you're going to complain because that particular gift wasn't on your registry?

rosegut · May 2011

mandyhall2882:

Annabelle81:
Some people think registries are not personal and like to put thought into their gifts. While I don't personally agree with this, I can understand that my older relatives get pleasure out of shopping and picking out a gift they think I'd like. Just smile, say thank you and return it later. Except for gifts from grandma's, don't return those, they'll come over and look for them I don't get why people get so upset about this topic. People are buying you gifts!

Agreed

People get upset because as the OP said, she put a lot of thought into her selections. When you review 15 bathtubs and you pick one thats best for your needs and your home, it is frustrating that it is disregarded.

That being said, just return what you dont like and get what you want. Store credit is store credit. Spend it how you see fit.

Snow1010 · May 2011

I knew some people would think I'm being ungrateful, but please don't think that.

And if people want to buy me personal gifts they really like, that's just fine! I'll be the first to admit I probably forgot things on my registry and would be thrilled to get things that people think I need.

I just find it odd when they buy the same type of item you have on your registry...and at the same store! We're talking about a bathtub and a swing here ...I had those on my registry, why not make it easy and just get those.

Of course at my shower I will be very thankful and most likely just return them. But, it will be awkward if someone else gets me the actual items I registered for and I'm opening 2 tubs and 2 swings!

clg283 · May 2011

I really do understand both sides to this one. I spent a lot of time researching and registering and it was really tiring. That being said I have not had any showers yet nor have I received any gifts yet at all and I can only imagine what all I will be returning. I am dreading it quite honestly. I went shopping last night for groceries and the just the walking around and then standing in line had me worn out well before i thought I should have been! The idea of spending hours returning gifts is daunting. I know that they all mean well but they have to take your feelings into consideration as well and know that you will be returning some things and how difficult that will be fore you at 8-9 months pregnant!

plumag · May 2011

Folks are allowed to buy what they want for your, no matter what your registry says. You then have the right to return anything that isn't what you want

Matt Dvorak · May 2011

LindsRockies:
The "wasting their hard-earned money" argument really doesn't hold any water IMO. Even if their gift is returned, you are still getting something you want with the credit you receive.
Would I be sad if my gift to someone was returned? A little. But I'd much rather have them get something they want then just toss my gift in the corner. This is also why I exclusively shop from registries when one's available.
I also agree that whining about people giving you gifts not from your registry is the epitome of ungratefulness. NO ONE is obligated to get you anything for your baby.

agreed!!

ems0523 · May 2011

It's not ungrateful at all and I have the same complaint!!! My MIL has been buying us gifts on ebay to go with a "theme" (BTW, we don't have a theme). In February she told me well you didn't register yet... really??? I was like 10 weeks pregnant!! So she looks at my registry recently and says well... I bought a couple of things on ebay that are on your registry but aren't the same so if someone gets them for you, you'll have to take theirs back because you can't return mine. Ummm... not so much. DH says we'll just resell the stuff she bought on ebay. LOL

aliska · May 2011

emzupancic:
It's not ungrateful at all and I have the same complaint!!! My MIL has been buying us gifts on ebay to go with a "theme" (BTW, we don't have a theme). In February she told me well you didn't register yet... really??? I was like 10 weeks pregnant!! So she looks at my registry recently and says well... I bought a couple of things on ebay that are on your registry but aren't the same so if someone gets them for you, you'll have to take theirs back because you can't return mine. Ummm... not so much. DH says we'll just resell the stuff she bought on ebay. LOL

My MIL did the same thing for our wedding registry. She would drive all over town looking for the same item for $5 cheaper. Eventually (after lots of talks from DH) she learned that this could mean we would get duplicates. So after she made a purchase, DH would get a phone call telling me to remove something from the registry.

The day before our baby shower, DH and I each got a phone call from her trying to convince us that she should get us a different pack and play than the one we registered for because ours wasn't in stock. Luckily I was able to talk her out of it, and she got us the carseat...from the right store...and got it taken off the registry herself!! So I guess she is learning.

ems0523 · May 2011

Thank you for your opinion

Snow1010 · May 2011

LindsRockies:
The "wasting their hard-earned money" argument really doesn't hold any water IMO. Even if their gift is returned, you are still getting something you want with the credit you receive.

Would I be sad if my gift to someone was returned? A little. But I'd much rather have them get something they want then just toss my gift in the corner. This is also why I exclusively shop from registries when one's available.

I also agree that whining about people giving you gifts not from your registry is the epitome of ungratefulness. NO ONE is obligated to get you anything for your baby.

I'm not whining about anyone giving me gifts and I'm not ungrateful, I simply don't understand the rationale some use when buying gifts.

Why go to the store I'm registered, see that I have a swing on my registry but choose to get a different one. Sorry if that doesn't make sense to me. And it sounds like you agree with buying from a registry too.

JenWhite123 · May 2011

LindsRockies:

The "wasting their hard-earned money" argument really doesn't hold any water IMO. Even if their gift is returned, you are still getting something you want with the credit you receive.

Would I be sad if my gift to someone was returned? A little. But I'd much rather have them get something they want then just toss my gift in the corner. This is also why I exclusively shop from registries when one's available.

I also agree that whining about people giving you gifts not from your registry is the epitome of ungratefulness. NO ONE is obligated to get you anything for your baby.

How do you know which store to return it to? Unless it's an item valued at more than $25, I'm not going to waste my time trying to return it - I'll spend more in gas than that running all over the place. Things I don't want/can't use will either go to a friend (if she needs) or straight to Goodwill.

StefanyaMarie · May 2011

I know exactly how you feel! I just had my baby shower last weekend and we got like 4 things off the registry. Everything else was stuff that we didn't register for or clothes that we dont really need. There is a reason that I took my fat pregnant butt to two different stores registering for gifts at all different price levels!

Stellasmom · May 2011

I think people don't like to be told what to do. lol.

They see something THEY like better than what you registered for and think "Oh! I bet she just didn't see this one!". I swear...

preg_amy · May 2011

For those of you who are upset about the gifts you receive... I'm sure there are women's shelters, homeless shelters, charities, etc. in your area that would be happy to take them off of your hands.

Then maybe instead of complaining about the gifts that someone was kind enough to give you, you could feel good about helping out another family in need.

bradandkatie · May 2011

I guess I am a guilty person here...because I like to buy off the registry sometimes. I never buy items they registered for, but if I see a super cute outfit or toy I like to buy that too. I usually do one item off the registry and then a few cute items off so there is a personal touch. I had no idea this would annoy people! Glad I always get gift receipts! Wow. I'm glad people are honest because I really do want to give gifts that people like and will use, so if it is really this annoying I think I'll stick to the registry! I do know my mom usually buys crap for weddings and babies without even looking at the registry (sorry my dear cousin you just received an As Seen on TV food chopper). I'm not like that...at least I didn't think I was! Thanks for the opinions ladies!

JenWhite123 · May 2011

How do you know where to return gifts to? Of the non-registry gifts that we received for our wedding, NONE of them came with a gift receipt. NONE.

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