Overnight with dad, at what age?

snozberries · May 2011

My ex boyfriend wants to take our 3 mos old daughter to stay the night with him once a week. I think he's out of his mind, we dont have any court order anything because we communicate well with each other and as of right now we havent had issues with him coming over to see her, but now he wants to take her, so my question is, Im in california (i know the laws are different in every state) at what age can he take her overnight?

Firedancer1013 · May 2011

Has he ever done overnight care with your LO? I mean, with you there?

kcfan729 · May 2011

my rule has always been 1 yr. That is just me though. I didn't let my first stay anywhere until he turned 1. Ally has stayed with my mom twice and she is 6 months. It would also depend on his expereince with babies and such. you wouldn't leave her with a babysitter with no experience. My H will only watch A if there is someone close by he can call for backup just cause he has never been around babies.

jkjacq71 · May 2011

Get a lawyer! Talk to a legal professional and find out what your options are. I got divorced when LO was a little over a year and my order stated one overnight a week and one week in the summer.

A well thought out, court approved visitation schedule will save you a ton of heartache later..

Natalie_may · May 2011

As far as I know, if there is no custody agreement and he is on the birth certificate he can legally take her any time.

If you have a good relationship maybe let him stay over on your couch for a night or two so you can get comfortable with the idea.

ETA: I think you should see a lawyer to get an agreement, this way everyone's rights are protected.

Heifergal · May 2011

I have trusted H with E since birth. I feel he's every bit as competent as I am.

ETA: Sorry I misunderstood that this was about the legal aspect of leaving her with him overnight.

Megs12411 · May 2011

First of all, get a CO. Just do it. Sure, you guys are getting a long NOW...but situations like this can turn nasty pretty damn quick. It's best to lay all your cards out on the table and get the custody agreement IN WRITING.

Ok. As far as overnight visitiations go: Are you breastfeeding? If you are, are you able to pump enough to send with her for an overnight visitiation? How much experience does your ex have with very young babies? Is he familiar with what caring for them, especialy overnight, entails?

Here is a link to the California Courts Basics of Custody and Visitation. It might not answer your question directly, but it might be a good starting off point:

https://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/family/custody/basics.htm

LadybugPicnic2011 · May 2011

Get a court order! This is from someone who has been there. I got along with both of my boy's dads to begin with... Then we didn't and that court order was a life saver. Also check state law's. In Alaska I didnt have to permit overnight visits till my boys were 5. I did permit them earlier, but I didn't have to. My youngest started at 1 year. My oldest at 4 years. A friend of mine gets his DD 3 days a week and has since she was 2 weeks.

kapereasd · May 2011

Oh he11 no!!! Get a lawyer for sure and get that in writing!!!!! When I got divorced, my son was a year and a half old - and a judge wouldn't sign off on overnight visits with dad until he turned 2. I might have let him starting at one, but our divorce was ugly so I did everything by the letter as written in our papers. It depends on your judge, but you can ask for whatever age you want, and within reason, you should get what you want...meaning a judge would not say yes to overnight visits for a 3 month old if you weren't comfortable with it. GL!

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