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Postpartum Depression
swirl25
member
not sure how to work through this
swirl25
member
I actually came over to this board to read what others are going through and to post my own feelings -- I just need an outlet where other women will understand what I am going through. I am not on any meds nor have I ever seen a therapist or even mentioned my feelings to my OB, but I have been experiencing anxiety and what I feel are panic attacks off and on since my DD was born (she is my first). I worry about irrational things (examples - that she will stop breathing in her sleep, that someone will break into the house and kidnap her, etc). The thing is I see or hear something upsetting/disturbing and that usually triggers it -- and then my thoughts start spiraling out of control until I am in tears and am terrified about what I *think* could happen to DD or me/DH. I have talked to my DH and my mom about my feelings and both have been supportive and try to comfort me. I feel better for a while, but then something comes up and I'm going through it again. I guess my issue is that I want to be able to get a better grasp on what I'm feeling -- I am not against going to see someone but I just have no idea how to start looking for a therapist. I am scared to make the call to my OB and ask for help, though it sounds like from reading other posts that that would be the best place to start. I love my DD so much and I just feel horrible that I can't stop myself from feeling this way... I just feel like she deserves a mom who isn't an emotional wreck. 
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Re: not sure how to work through this
Awww, I completely understand where you're coming from and where you are right now was the scariest time for me because I wasn't sure where to start either. I went to my OB. They deal with this all the time so if you have a good OB they should be very understanding. I was put on zoloft and while I didn't think it could possibly help much, it has completely given me my life and patience back!
Definitely start with your OB. Also, check with your hospital to see if they have any PPD support groups. Most of them do, and my support group has been amazing for me. The other women in it can tell you who they go to and what has helped them.
I felt very much like you feel before I started my medication and started going to my group. I feel much better now. Also, remember that you are not a bad Mom. PPD has a way of making you feel like that. It's not you, it's just the depression making you feel that way.