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Success after IF
DavezWife
member
more thoughts on our (potential) Italy move, please
DavezWife
member
So as I mentioned a while back, we might have the chance to move to Italy.
(Davez would be working as a civilian PharmD for the government)
It's really becoming a REAL thought now, and I need some advice on some things...
The contract is for 2-3 yrs, typically with option to renew. I can see us spending 5 yrs there, another year dinking around in SE Asia (think shack on a beach in Vietnam) and then coming back to the states, relocating to the Seattle area. I love love LOVE MN, but we'd like to be near SOME family, and D's sister is our fav. lol.
Our house is a "nice family home" in a good area of town with great schools, etc. IF the market was normal, it would sell in a heartbeat. Since the market is a mess, who knows. (our realtor is crunching some numbers for us) Renting is an option, but finding an "upper class" family to rent it would be a shot in the dark. To do it long term would be even harder. We'd need to hire a caretaker, and honestly, what we pay in mortage would be a steep monthly rent for many. It will slay me to leave this home, it was my dream home. Still is. But those dreams have changed, and honestly, we're ready for a new adventure.
OK, now that you have some deets...
1. would you rush the application/job offer process and try to move before I give birth? (let's presume for this discussion I get/stay pregnant within the next month or two, due in Feb/March) or would you wait until the bab(ies) are 3 months old?
2. now pretend it's twins... NOW what's your answer?
3. rent out the house or sell it? sell it... do you only do this whole thing if we are able to make a sound financial deal on the house sale, or dump it and go go go! ?
And as my bestie pointed today, yes, I am WELL AWARE of how ironic it is to be considering Italy when I'm currently gluten and dairy-free. BRRUUHAAA.
IF he were offered the job, we'd go. (he'll likely get it, it's just a matter of how long this prep phase will take) But we're still in the "OMG, do we go for this???" phase.
Grazi mille! ;-)
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: more thoughts on our (potential) Italy move, please
1. while health care there isn't bad..i'd want to deliver here...especially if twins were in the mix.
3. I'd sell..hopefully you wouldn't be taking a big loss on it...but i'd go-go-go! Living in italy is my dream...I lived there twice, for 6 months each time...if we could find a viable way to make a living there, we'd go in a heartbeat!
omg...
i'm so freaking jealous!
Woooowww! Italy? I'd tend to get the best deal you can on the house on then go for it!
Can't help you w/ moving while pregnant or anything about twins. No experience there.
But, assuming you get and stay pregnant (which WILL happen) and he gets a "too good to pass up" offer... I say get what you can on the house and enjoy the experience.
How cute would Ava be speaking italian!? Hello!
I would plan on moving after the baby(ies) are here... probably at around 3 months old, if not 6 months (is that do-able?).
Sell the house. My parents live overseas and rent out their house. It's a NIGHTMARE. They are holding onto it for sentimental reasons and are losing $$ every single day.
ETA: If this all happens, then I'm voting for the SAIF 2012 GTG to be at D&T's house.
4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
1/2. Health care is totally different there. Unless you want to spend money on private hospitals/healthcare. It's bring your own sheets, clothes, bowl and spoon to the hospital. I can't even imagine if you had a baby there - perhaps you would bring your own chux?
That said, I would go crazy waiting to get pregnant and waiting to have the baby (or babies) when I had made the decision to go. I would just want to go for it!
If you were pregnant with one, you could easily fly home at around 36 weeks and deliver in the US, maybe in Seattle. That way your baby could be president some day.
If it were two, that wouldn't be a good option. But if you could do research on pregnancy in Italy, I still might go for it.
3. I would sell - holding on to a home that you may not even move back to doesn't make sense to me. Go for it! Be free! Seize the day and all of that! If I could figure out a way to get a job/earn a living in Italy, I would go for it. My MIL lived there for a few years and I absolutely LOVED visiting her!
Good luck whatever you decide!
Stay until the bab(ies) are born (about 3 months old), sell the house and go. If you really want to live in Seattle-no point in hanging on the house now.
It's a great opportunity that you would not want to pass up.
I LOVE the GTG idea ;-)
I'm checking into the hospital situation. Since we'd be "on base" we could have access to a "new" clinic and hospital there. i.e. more american-type standards?? It just do happens that my bestie's sister lived there, but they've been back a few years now. BUT they even had a young daughter there, so she's going to be a HUGE help, I'm sure. (we just discovered this connecting yesterday! small world, huh?)
I'm browsing housing now... gee... do I want a VILLA or a FLAT ? lol.
WHAT?!? How'd I miss this one? I second GTG 2012 in Italy!!!
I think I'm with almost everyone else here.
1/2. I have to admit I don't know much about health care in Italy. I like kme's idea of coming back to the states to deliver if it is one baby. If it's twins, I'd DEF want to be here for the NICU just in case they come early and need it. Plus, if you need any extra help after delivery, it's more likely to happen here, right? (However, I could probably be convinced to fly over and help out with two cutie newborns in Italy!!)
3. Sell. Sell. Sell. Renting is a PITA. Can't imagine being a landlord and living overseas. Plus, if you're not going back there just cut your losses.
Sooooo jealous!
DO IT.
We moved a year ago (from OH to MI, not really the same, but still it was a life changer for us). We needed a fresh start after our losses and IF made us both depressed and needing a change. We were lucky that DH's company gave us an awesome re-lo package and we were made whole with the house selling situation. It also gave us some cash to pay for IVF #2, which resulted in my wonderful DS.
Take a loss on the house and go for an adventure. As long as you are in a big (ger) city your healthcare will be great. People do IVF and have multiples there too. Its not like you are going to Iraq or something.
After everything you've been through, a change might do you guys some good.
We also have friends that moved to Switzerland (3 year stint I think) with two young children (and had their 3rd there). The amount of travel that they are able to do by just hoping on a train for a weekend and the cultural experiences that those kids are having is priceless.
Stay until the bab(ies) are born (about 3 months old), sell the house and go. If you really want to live in Seattle-no point in hanging on the house now.
It's a great opportunity that you would not want to pass up.
this is BY FAR one of the biggest reasons we'd do this. We've traveled around most of Europe. To head to Austria for the weekend, or take a holiday in France is par for the course. There is NOTHING more awesomesauce in our world than that.
The only REAL demerit to this idea is losing money on this house. BUT it's just money. It's time to put a price on our happiness, KWIM?
I wouldn't have a problem delivering there if it weren't high risk, otherwise, I don't know. I tend to be more of a natural birth proponent and I know that many European countries are much more family/patient friendly than here. I don't know a whole lot about their health care system so I guess I'm not very equipped to answer this...
I think I'd sell if you are sure you plan to move elsewhere upon your return and go-go-go. If you think you may come back, then I say rent it.
TTC #1- unexplained...lost left ovary 4/07 IUI #1 2/10/09-BFN IUI #2 3/5/09-BFN IVF # 1-BFP
TTC#2- FET 4/7/11 BFP, Natural mc 5/5/11 IVF#2 ER 9/13/11, ET 9/16/11, Beta #1 9/27/11 BFP 254 Beta #2 9/30/11 793 -Twins!
1/2. Tricky. Having access to an American military clinic could be nice, and yes, healthy babies are born in Italy every day...but I would still prefer a US pg and delivery. That said, I would also need to give myself a firm "deadline" for getting pregnant, and after that point, just go for it. Deadlines like that suck ass but... 1. You will be pg soon, so it will be a moot point, and 2. I would need a date to keep me from ever thinking "IF stole this incredible opportunity from me." 2 babies, 1 baby, my answer is the same. (again, you won't need it, but they do have IVF there. But they have laws about no frozen embryos, so it is quite a bit different. Not sure if it is cheaper or not....)
3. Sell! I would just know what the minimum is you need out of it to have a good amount of savings/safety net. But I wouldn't be picky or demand any more than that. Get what you need and go go go!
Because we're fancy like that.
I don't know anything about Italian healthcare but knowing myself I would be anxious to move and would move while pregnant.
I own 2 houses in the Seattle area that I rent out and it is sooo stressful. If I could sell them for what I owe I would in a hearbeat. I have to pay a property company to take care of them and deal with the renters. I am always scared that my renters will move out and I will have to pay the mortgage (which would kill us financially). So I say sell the house!!
Rent it ONLY if you can make double what your mortgage is. For example: Mortgage = 700/mo but you're netting 1400 after costs. Then its worth it only if your house doesn't need a lot of work, maintenence, etc. I own a 100 year old house in Duluth as you know. Renting out isn't as "easy" and care free as people make it out to be: paying a property management company (which you HAVE to do being that far away) keeping a maintenence guy on call, lawyer fees (retainer for the BS you WILL have to deal with re: tenants), "Oops the water heater blew" "Ummm, the basement is full of sewer water" "Uhhhhh, the roof is leaking" and you're THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY....and don't count on any "favors" from friends or rellies in the area - it won't pan out.
And I'd go in a heart beat - we had a chance to go to Dublin for 2.5+ years when I was PG with Rhayna and I didn't do it because I was scared and "wanted to be near family" - as you know, that's a joke in and of itself.
And YEA! FOR SEATTLE post Euro-Asia Adventure!
So, some thoughts from someone who recently (late last year) moved overseas (with a 3+ year old and while 32 weeks pregnant with #2; I gave birth overseas)....I didn't move to Italy so can't say my experiences will be the same but hopefully it's helpful. Feel free to PM me for more info / help
1. I would move before the bab(ies) are born. As a friend (who is a mom to twins & a singleton) said to me when I was toying with the same idea (pushing our move back to when my newborn would be 3 months old), "it's MUCH easier with inside babies than outside babies". After giving birth overseas and moving, I'm SO happy I moved while pregnant rather than afterwards.
2. same answer with multiples - maybe more so! I have friends here who have multiples born here and had excellent births. I'll say my labor / delivery was better here than in the US (that could be due to various reasons and not the countries) but I had a VERY positive experience giving birth abroad (and I had a good experience in the US so it's not like I was starting from a bad place).
3. This is hard to tell. We ended up selling ours. It wasn't a great market at all but we had a very market-able home (showed well, didn't need any work, good town, etc) and it went quickly (after just a week) with multiple offers. Did we make a profit - no? But we were made whole. However, we had our first seller fall through and we decided if we didn't find a 2nd seller before we left, we would rent. I was just hesitant to be a landlord from overseas...yes, we would have a management co to deal with things but it still requires a level of involvement for major issues that would've been a pain.
Congrats - this is a GREAT opportunity for your family! I PPH Italy!
Edited for formatting...didn't realize I couldn't bold on my mac.
Ali - care to email me when you have a moment? thanks!
david_and_tracie at y aho o
LOVE all the thoughts - thanks everyone! more more more!
I'm finding VERY decent smaller single family'ish homes walking distance to town center for under $250K. I have NO idea what our budget would be, or even if we could buy right away, but I like what I see! Even the rental homes look do-able.
Eeeekk!!!
First, I would put the MN house on the market and sell it. I would not move until the baby(ies) are born and around three months old. You can always rent in MN or Seattle if you get a good offer on our home now.
I would try to avoid taking on the stress of moving to a new country and finding good doctors and medical facilities especially if I was expecting twins (i.e. considered a high risk pregnancy) and had history of loss and/or complications during pregnancy or birth. I think the priority here is to get pregnant, then stay pregnant and then deliver healthy happy baby(ies) all while attempting to maintain a healthy mom through the process. I just think a cross country move introduces a lot of new factors and stressors. KWIM?
You might be authorized medical care at the facility on the base. When we were in Europe with the military (Germany), our friends who were there as contractors were seen on base at a major medical center. I think they had co-pays based on their insurance, but I'm not really sure. That is probably something that would be included in the job offer.
I would sell the house if you go. It's too stressful and a huge PITA to be a landlord, much less a landlord from another country.
I have no idea what I'd do in your shoes, BUT...
I totally think you should apply to be on "House Hunters International" on HGTV. LOL!
So what, I can complain about the color of the bidet or the tile in the living room? lol. I hate that stupid show. I'm looking at housing right now... man, I think I need a field trip to Italy soon. Anyone game to chaperone me? ;-)
Ditto. As for the bab(ies) (!!), I think I'd probably wait until after they born if that were possible. GL lady!
World_of_Dennifer
Bloomin'_Babies
Married/Nest_Bio
1. would you rush the application/job offer process and try to move before I give birth? (let's presume for this discussion I get/stay pregnant within the next month or two, due in Feb/March) or would you wait until the bab(ies) are 3 months old? I would probably go beforehand, depending on how close to the birth it is. If you're talking when you're 4-5 months pregnant, I'd go and hope Ava had a little time to adjust. Otherwise, I'd wait until the bab(ies) are a few months old. My concern would be Ava and throwing too much at her at once, but you know her better than I do - maybe she deals pretty well with change?
2. now pretend it's twins... NOW what's your answer?I would definitely move beforehand. Moving with three kids, two of them essentially newborns? That doesn't sound like fun.
3. rent out the house or sell it? sell it... do you only do this whole thing if we are able to make a sound financial deal on the house sale, or dump it and go go go! ? I'd sell it. If you're hoping to move to WA when you come home, you don't want to have to wrap up those loose ends and have to wait for it then, KWIM?
Also, it's early in the morning and I didn't think about the difference in healthcare. I wanted to add a tidbit my college Italian teacher (who grew up in Florence) told me. She met an American in Italy and moved here to marry him. She gave birth to both her babies here. When she sent pictures of the birth home to her mother, her mother asked her why she was giving birth in a hotel. So, if that says anything about difference in healthcare, I would definitely want to have my babies here. Moving with 2+ kids doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
ME! I would kill to go back to Italy. Sadly, it's probably not in the budget, lol. Seriously, my favorite place in the world. Where in are you thinking about moving?
Holy crap i've been gone too long...i've missed you girls so much!
Uh-congrats, Davez...on several accounts-maybe-are you prego or not? If no, i'd rush and go now!
If yes-I don't know the pro's and cons of giving birth in Italy vs us...but it seems like more paperwork for you? So, while my inner traveler says rush and go, my red blooded american self says wait and let them be born here
eta: sell the house!
thanks guys. We talked to our realtor and the good news is we won't LOOSE money on the house. (we'd break even, even though we STOLE the house in 2007 and put $50K into it. crap) The bad news, we won't make anything. Boo.
Oh well, worse things in life. Least we still HAVE a house, right?
I even talked to our dogsitter, who knows Uncle Bloopers VERY well, and much to my amazement, she said he's very much rehomeable. Sure, nutty, but a good dog. Obviously we'd love to bring him, he's our family. But it might be VERY impractible, and downright impossible if he needs to be quantined. We're looking into the deets of that. But she said she would even take him until the PERFECT home was found, push come to shove. She does Springer rescue and training. She's a perfect partner in crime to have if we need to do this.
So.... full steam ahead. We're going to keep gathering facts, and I'll let you know what happens when it does.
ps - so the PP that asked, I'm not knocked up yet. Maybe sooner than later? We're doing another FET.