Do you and your DH have different standards for "watching" your LO's.

hellopoppyseed · May 2011

Sorry to be a Debbie downer again. Something else came up. Last night we were at a barbecue and everyone was in the backyard. I told DH to watch DS1 (20 mo) while I tended to DS2. Soon I see DS1 go into the house where we could no longer see him. I waited to see what DH would do. He didn't do anything and when it started to make me uncomfortable, I went to find him. DS1 is a very active child. He enjoys markers, toilet paper, toilet water, pulling all the books off of bookshelves and going through any open doors. He gets into stuff in mere minutes plus he still taste tests everything. I was pretty sure he was in the front room which was filled with books and small breakable objects. So when we got home, I was telling DH that we really can't let ds1 be unsupervised especially in a new environment. I think it's up to us to keep him from damaging things in other people's homes and to keep him safe. DH is like, we can't protect him from everything and I am overly worried, ect. I think if damage and injuries can be prevented, they should be. Dh thinks we will just pay for damage and it will be a funny story later. I know that everything can't be prevented but I can do my best (which is apparently more than his best). I want to be able to trust DH to watch the boys but knowing that our standards are different, I'm having a hard time. What do you think?

JaysonandKristin · May 2011

In someone else's home, I worry about DS breaking things that CAN'T be replaced for sentimental or even discontinued reasons. But, as for him getting hurt, I can't prevent everything. So, I do give him a lot of freedom. But, only so far as I can see him or he's not out of sight for longer than I feel comfortable with. So, I feel 'ya on that respect.

My DH, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. DS MUST be watched or held at all times. We went to a 4 year old's birthday party last weekend, and I watched DH watch DS. He was ALL OVER THE HOUSE trying to keep tabs on DS. I just laughed to myself. We each have different ways of doing things, and I don't worry about how DH is doing things. I trust that he always has DS' best interest in mind. Unless it's BF'ing, can you switch kids? Give DH the more inactive one so that you can watch the busy body? Give yourself some peace of mind?

hellopoppyseed · May 2011

JaysonandKristin:
In someone else's home, I worry about DS breaking things that CAN'T be replaced for sentimental or even discontinued reasons. But, as for him getting hurt, I can't prevent everything. So, I do give him a lot of freedom. But, only so far as I can see him or he's not out of sight for longer than I feel comfortable with. So, I feel 'ya on that respect.
My DH, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. DS MUST be watched or held at all times. We went to a 4 year old's birthday party last weekend, and I watched DH watch DS. He was ALL OVER THE HOUSE trying to keep tabs on DS. I just laughed to myself. We each have different ways of doing things, and I don't worry about how DH is doing things. I trust that he always has DS' best interest in mind. Unless it's BF'ing, can you switch kids? Give DH the more inactive one so that you can watch the busy body? Give yourself some peace of mind?

I totally told him about things that are irreplaceable and I think that may have gotten through to him. Ds was playing with what looked like a handmade toy from a foreign country. Love the idea of giving him the less active child. I think explaining how it is rude to let our child mess up someone's home might get through to him. Dh hates being rude. I came at it from a safety perspective at first and dh just thinks I worry too much.

hellopoppyseed · May 2011

JaysonandKristin:
In someone else's home, I worry about DS breaking things that CAN'T be replaced for sentimental or even discontinued reasons. But, as for him getting hurt, I can't prevent everything. So, I do give him a lot of freedom. But, only so far as I can see him or he's not out of sight for longer than I feel comfortable with. So, I feel 'ya on that respect.
My DH, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. DS MUST be watched or held at all times. We went to a 4 year old's birthday party last weekend, and I watched DH watch DS. He was ALL OVER THE HOUSE trying to keep tabs on DS. I just laughed to myself. We each have different ways of doing things, and I don't worry about how DH is doing things. I trust that he always has DS' best interest in mind. Unless it's BF'ing, can you switch kids? Give DH the more inactive one so that you can watch the busy body? Give yourself some peace of mind?

I totally told him about things that are irreplaceable and I think that may have gotten through to him. Ds was playing with what looked like a handmade toy from a foreign country. Love the idea of giving him the less active child. I think explaining how it is rude to let our child mess up someone's home might get through to him. Dh hates being rude. I came at it from a safety perspective at first and sah just thinks I worry too much.

jennylynne_01 · May 2011

I don't let DD unsupervised in our own home EVER, let alone in someone elses. Not just because she could break something, but also because you don't know of other people's houses and the dangers that are inside them. Before we had children we used to keep a loaded gun right on the night stand, poisonous plants, glass decorations, hot candle burners, etc because we never had to worry about it. Who knows what your friends could have in their house that he could get into? My DD is also a very highly energenic child and gets into everything. She has no sense of danger at this age and she is her own worst enemy. It's my job to make sure I keep her from things that she shouldn't get into and I expect my husband to do the same. Does he always? No. I usually have to get on him and then he calls me a smother mother, but I don't really care.

Geek_Girl · May 2011

For me, it isn't really a safety issue, its more of a "rude to let your little tornado run through someone else's house and destroy it" issue. DH feels the same way.

Its also a good way to teach them boundaries. We had a play date this past week and DS managed to get into the master bedroom (across from my friend's DS's room) and started opening drawers. I took that as a good opportunity to say "no, sweetie, we don't touch things that aren't ours, let's go".

BabyH2010 · May 2011

Do you think maybe you mean you and your DH have different "ways" of watching your kids instead of standards? Because I'm sure he wants them to be safe and ok all the time (even if he makes silly comments) because I know IME, with all of my friends, it's the mamas in the relationships that read all the books, research online and basically think of everything first..... that's not to say that the husbands don't know enough, but you know how it is, men just don't have the mama bear instinct like we do. In my opinion, everything is a weapon now that DS is mobile and it just makes it that much harder to watch him. I always feel like I'm right on top of him.... but I believe that's just part of this having kids thing....

JOEBunny · May 2011

DH and I have different degrees of risk with the children. I think this is mostly due to his lack of familiarity with where they are. He tends to be a few months behind on their "skill" level, since he doesn't see them as much as I do. DH tends to over worry about what they will do and doesn't give them a chance to be bad (or good, as the case may be). Like in the situation you describe, he would have picked DS up before he ever got in the house. I would have redirected him before he went in the house, but still let him run around. DH would just hold him to prevent him from ever trying to do something.

gatogrrl · May 2011

DH is actually a little more anal about these things. He's a little overprotective, IMO. I was really careful with DD from 12-24 months. But now that DD is three, I let her roam our house as she pleases. I still keep an eye on her in a new place, at least until I know there are no breakable/sharp objects around.

I am super cautious in the kitchen. I'm still freaked out by that first scene in The Glass Castle where the author is allowed to play alone by the stove and ends up in the hospital.

Dochas · May 2011

He can give him freedom in HIS home if he likes. I would not be pleased with a young toddler being on the loose, unsupervised in MY home. What if there was a knife on the edge of the counter or any number of other dangerous things? Even freedom should be under a watchful eye in unfamiliar places IMO.

ryry1977 · May 2011

I would never let DS go into someones house without supervision, neither would DH. That is not responsible at all. Sure you could pay for things that get broke, but what it it was something that wasn't replaceable? More of a senimental item that got ruined. So would not happen at all. I don't see DH letting our son wonder without supervision either. If we watch without being seen, kind of follow him and see what he does, that would be ok. At least we would be able to help him or stop him if he does seem to be getting into something he shouldn't.

So no, not different standards.

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