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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Caution.. controversial topic ahead..
Hi Ladies, Happy Monday.
So D will only fall asleep if me or H are holding her and if we try to put her down she wakes up and cries. She sleeps with us and I want to start sleep training her. I am reading about different methods and so far it seems like the ferber method is worth trying. Eventhough I know is gonna be really really hard. I know its kinda harsh but I need a solution desperatly. And yes I know its my fault for getting used to sleeping like that (rocking, holding etc). I wanted to ask if any body has tried this method and how it worked out for you guys. Thanks ladies.
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Re: Caution.. controversial topic ahead..
-m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009
Beautiful daughter born February 2011
**Ultimate TTCALer 2009**
This helped Molls too when she had colic. We have a flannel crib sheet on her bed now and she likes it so much more than the regular kind.
So...you screwed up so now she has to suffer at 3 months old??? hrmmm.
I say you keep dealing with it and try other things first. Maybe try putting her in her crib so that she gets used to waking up there for a while then maybe attempt to have her fall asleep there...
ETA: Agree with pp, try the heat pack and make sure she's fully asleep. At least 20 minutes? (I think is the recommendation).
We didn't really go by the Ferber method - but we did a hybrid version. Basically, for nap time I put her in her crib and turn on the mobile. She usually falls asleep by herself. The first few times she cried for a little while - maybe 5 min tops? But since I knew she wasn't hungry or needing burping/changing and I could see that she wasn't stuck in the bars of the crib, I let her cry. It didn't take long for her to figure out how to fall asleep.
At night it was a different story... my DH LOOOOOVES his baby girl and always wants to rock her to sleep - I mean COMPLETELY asleep not drowsy. So I had to Ferberize him
. We put her in when she's drowsy, and if she starts crying we let her for a little while. If she's still crying (or making those whole body sobs) we go in and comfort her, but don't pick her up.
I have tried that and didnt work without her crying the minute I put her down. I can try the whole heat pack thing . So now that she is 4 months and will learn how to self soothe thats why Im trying it. And I wouldnt have gotten her used to the whole rocking/bouncing thing if she wouldnt have had really bad colic and the only way she could sleep was by us bouncing her. So now I have to undo what I did. Unfortunately.
I guess I don't understand how she "screwed up." When they are tiny, sleep is so important and they can't self-soothe, so you get them to sleep anyway that works. Some babies required a lot of work to get to sleep and eventually they have to transition to falling asleep on their own for their own health and well-being as well as the parents. As long as she's doing the "training" correctly and not before the baby is ready, I really think "suffer" is a harsh term.
Molls had bad colic as well and 8 out of 10 times will only fall asleep in her bouncer. We are giving it a bit longer.
Sorry, I just hate the thought of letting a baby cry. I do understand that sometimes there aren't other options. I shouldn't have attacked so quickly, but with all the obnoxious CIO posts lately I just assumed..."here we go again". So do you have to literally hold her the entire night or can you eventually put her down in bed with you?
IMO she's still a little young for Ferber unless you are all totally miserable from lack of sleep. If it's just putting her down that's the issue, I would try some less harsh methods first- a heating pack like pps have suggested is a good idea. One thing that has really worked for us is rocking/holding until he is very drowsy, then laying him down on our bed and laying next to him- I shush him, pat his bottom, stroke his head until he falls asleep. Once he's been asleep for a few minutes I can transfer him to his crib without waking him up- I think it's because he fell asleep laying down, so the transition is easier. Gradually I've been phasing out the rocking, shushing, patting, etc so we're getting closer to just laying him down and letting him fall asleep.
Going from rocked to sleep and sleeping with you to Ferber in her own crib in one step is a little harsh- I would try a few steps in between that don't involve crying. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? I really liked it.
eta: I wanted to add- I don't think it's your "fault" that she will only fall asleep being held- you can't help it if babies love to be held and in the first few months of survival mode you do what you have to so they will sleep. Don't worry- you didn't mess her up for life
Once we are in bed and she feels I'm there she is ok just sleeping by me.
That was exactly our problem too! Try what I suggested earlier- trick her into thinking you're going to bed too
I'd pick up the Ferber book and read it cover to cover before you decide to do anything. Even if you don't do CIO, you might learn something from the book itself (I havent read it, but so I've heard).
There are many ways to transition a baby from bedsharing to sleeping on their own. Warm blankets as others suggested, an article of clothing that smells like you so they have your scent (but not somewhere that it could create a potential suffocation hazard), put her down really slowly and keep your chest near hers for a few minutes, etc. Or sometimes babies will self wean from bedsharing on their own-right around 5 months, my DS realized he'd rather be sprawled out with his own space and preferred the crib. With LO #2, I would put her down sleepy but awake. If she fussed, I'd rub her back, sing her a song, "shh" her, etc. Now she goes to sleep on her own, and sometimes she wakes in the middle of the night, but fusses for a few minutes and puts herself to sleep.
Just because your LO is now 4 months old doesn't mean she's ready to self soothe. Every baby is so different.
Thanks. She wakes really easy. So if I were to put her in her crib after I already got her to fall asleep she would prob wake up. But It is something to consider trying. Thanks for your help
That's good! Maybe after she's been asleep laying down in your bed for a little bit try the heat pack thing and remove it and transfer her very carefully? I know some nights it's like an operation getting Ronan down in his crib with the whole teething and what not, and that works wonders for us!
Is her crib near your bed? can you put it there if not? Ryan slept on me for a while in the beginning due to reflux and did what sounds to be the same thing when we would try to put him down in his crib. I ended up putting the crib right next to my bed and then when he would fall asleep I would put him in the crib closest to me. If he started to cry I would reach over and rub his back, if that didn't work we started all over again. It took about a week, but he eventually got used to being there for longer periods at a time. Then I could stop rubbing his back all together. Now he has no problem going straight to the crib drowsy.
I do have to have him sleep on his belly *gasp* because of the reflux. Could that be part of her problem? sleeping on her back as well as the closeness factor? sorry just trying to think of ideas here...
My room is very small. The crib wont fit. But I am def considering trying the warm heat pad before I put her in there.
What about after she falls asleep in your arms you lay her either in a bassinet or her crib so when she wakes up she is used to it.
Also try laying her in her crib with the mobile on, not necessarily to take a nap but just to spend a little time in there. Thats how I transitioned things for my LO and at first he would only last a few minutes or not at all. I also would give him his pacifier.
My LO is 14 weeks and he loves to grab things so I put a small teddy bear about the size of a TY beanie baby and he likes to grab and feel it until he falls asleep.
My LO likes to sleep on his side sometimes like the side-lying breast feeding position and similar to how we hold them when we rock them.
If you breastfeed perhaps she likes to be close to your smell, I try to put a shirt in there with them or put some breastmilk on part of the blanket so she can smell you.
You can do whatever works for you but I really think at 3/4 months they are too young to cry it out, it may be tough but try little things that add up along the way. I dont have it all figured out either because its a process and even though my LO sleeps in his crib for naps, he has only fallen asleep in their at night maybe 5 times and when he wakes to feed at some point I bring him back into bed with us where he sleeps the best. GL!
Once we are in bed and she feels I'm there she is ok just sleeping by me.
We had the same problem when we transitioned to the crib. I put my pillowcase under him so he could "smell me" (Just make sure you tuck in the extra so it doesn't move around when LO squirms. does that make sense?)
This is a good idea. I had ppl tell me to put something that smells like me, but I hadnt thought of the pillow case.
A Frog, A Monkey and a Ladybug
Oliver just barely started sleeping in his crib next to our bed. I have not had the guts to put him in the nursary alone yet, but he has a pack n play in our room that I use for him. We had the same problem with him waking up everytime we put him in the crib. I tried vibration and music but every single time his body would touch the mattress he would wake up crying. I started by making him nap only in the crib, than out of no where he just started sleeping in there 3 to 4 hrs before he wakes up crying. He only sleeps in the crib half of the night (until about 3am) and than I put him in the bed with us for the rest of the night. It's still not perfect yet but it's a start. I never had that problem with him needing to only nap in my arms, but a friend of mine son is like that and he is now a belly sleeper. He sleeps in his nursary and has since he was about 3 months. She has expressed that he can and will only sleep on his belly.