sometimes they are weirded out by the third party. I've also read that you become sort of something holy to them like a madonna. they don't want to ravage a mommy, but they get over that. have a talk with him and promise to not get mad. Its most likely nothing.
lol. Tell him they like the motion it rocks them to sleep and won't psychologically damage her. well really don't tell him that, that might be a visual he might not want.
I am in the opposite boat. The DH is ready and willing any time and I am the one who is nervous and refusing. This is odd for us because I have a very high drive and am often the one asking / initiating with him. We had TONS o' sex when we were TTC and we got pregnant in a month. (It was a good month!! ) But since that time, I have been scared that I am going to bleed when we do have sex, so I have made my husband wait and have not had sex with him. I would like to and of course he WANTS to, but I have heard so many horror stories about how the penis hitting the cervix can cause bleeding. I want to see no bleeding. I know that I can't (and won't) go for the next 6 months without sex, but I can't get over the fear. We are able to do other things, but the actual act is what makes me nervous. Any cheerleaders out there or suggestions for me to get me over this? It's annoying all around.
Yeah, my boyfriend has been the same and it made, and still makes me, a little self conscious. But, the way he described it is that he wants to make love to me, not me and our son. It makes him feel a little gross I guess; But everyone's right, it probably has nothing to do with you.
Aside from the fact that I will have a baby ripped out of my vagina in 3 months, I feel like I'll be a damn born-again virgin by the time my boyfriend and I get back to having sex! It's so hard going from doing it 4 or more times a week to less than once a month. And now that he's felt the baby move, I'm pretty sure I won't be getting any until she's here. I even tried to pin him down and initiate the action myself and he squirmed away. Freaking horrible. I feel so unwanted and unattractive. And there's no reasoning with him. So I have no constructive advise, but you are not alone.
my first hubby was ok with it but on average was never interested much in sex even before baby.
now on Second hubby and I mentioned it his first reaction his eye lit up like YEAH but then he got serious looking and said we should wait to make sure it is ok with the baby. In the 1st tri some say it helps cement the fetus in some circles nothing for the 1st 12 weeks for fear of miscarriage. It took us 6 years to get pregnant so he is stalling me.
You need to sit hubby down and ask him to explain how and what he is feeling. He needs to fess up what is wrong. Take him to doc and bring it up so he can hear what doc says. then approach it again. If he still stalls or says no you need to know why.
My friend had this issue with her first hubby he didn't really want the kids and they drifted apart when she got pregnant her answer was to buy a "mothers helper" to achieve orgasm. Still didn't solve her marital problems.
I like the communication route best myself. GOOD LUCK!
My husband was the same way at first. He was terrified that he would somehow harm the baby. When he came with me to my first doctor appointment I had my OB explain to him that there is no way that he could hurt the baby and that sex during pregnancy is healthy and ok. Maybe tell him how you feel and make sure that he knows that he won't harm the baby and the baby won't know what he is doing. It won't scar the child for life or anything like that, lol
I'm sorry you are having trouble with your husband not being interested. Is it bad that I'm kind of jealous? I'm still in the first trimester and sex holds no appeal right now but my fiance doesn't have the same issue and I'm hurting his feels turning him down. But I can't seem to push pass the nausea long enough to get interested.
You're not the only one. I am going through the same thing. It's hard because we're already not feeling our best. No matter how beautiful people tell us we are; we need that assurance from our husbands.
Im guessing its a psychological thing... like the fact the baby is getting so big and then having sex with you with the baby there is odd. Something you gotta talk through. Im only in my first trimester, but i seem right now to have to opposite problem. Husband is very turned on and wants to have sex ++++, but I have a sinus cold, nausea with vomitting, headaches, bloating... sex is the last thing on my mind!
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Talk with him about it, even if he doesn't want to. Sex is good for you during pregnancy, as long as you don't get too rough. At the beginning of my pregnancy I was really reluctant to have sex with my husband. My little sister died, because she got dislodged when my parents were having sex. My doctor assured me that it wouldn't happen unless we were being extremely rough. I'm a lot more open to it after that. Your husband is probably just worried like I was. It's got nothing to do with you or the way you look. Most husbands find their pregnant wife extremely attractive. Mine won't stay off of me. There's something about the curves you get that drives them crazy.
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Haha my husband just recently started getting used to the sex, and I'm 9 months. We always had it, but he always had his reservations too. Now he's used to it and performs fine, but he always says stuff like, "I hope I'm not scaring the baby or making her uncomfortable..." If he only knew! He doesn't know how hard it is for me to ignore the kicks she gives me when all I'm trying to do is block out the fact that 3's a crowd. Yeah that's a turnoff that he'll never know about. And when sex is done and he finally gets comfortable, I'm all like, "get up, get up, my belly is hurting!". poor guy. but he's cool with it now. Now we have a new problem: he won't do it with me b/c I'm full term and he doesn't want to throw me into labor. I'm like, hello?! It's going to happen anyway, you can't stop it now! haha men are so weird.
I would try talking to him about it and asking him if it's the pregnancy and why it makes him uncomfortable. I had this same problem with my husband and he explained that he was worried that his "stuff" was/could get on the baby. Not all men fully understand how everything works in there...try explaining that nothing he does will go anywhere near the LO. After I did some explaining we didn't have any probs after that
My husband is weirded out by it too. We haven't had sex in 2 months. it's just awkward and my husband says it 'feels different' and he's afraid he's going to hurt the baby. This all started when I started bleeding during intercourse. I pretty much don't want to have it now anyway since I'm so close to my due date, but I feel where you are coming from. I'd say talk to him. If he doesn't want to, bring him with you to your next doctor's appointment and bring up the subject to get your doctor's point of view. Maybe he'll lighten up to it after that. Worth a try! Good luck girl!
I?m having a similar problem. I seem to want it A LOT more than he does. I don?t know why, but I can?t seem to get enough, and he?s not on the same boat. We?ll be alone at home, the other kids are with grandma or whatever and I try to get him in the mood and he?ll say ?later tonight? or ?we can?t, we need to go to the store? ? the other morning it was that he had a bad dream and was not in the mood. I know it?s not me but I can?t help to think it?s me specially because of the hormone change, my body is not what it used to be? yada yada yada, blah blah blah.
I hear you. my husband doesn't want to either and I keep thinking that its me. I think he's not attracted to me anymore, but he says its not that. How do we convince these men that there is nothing wrong with sex.
I was so sick my first trimester that the smell of sex made me gag and puke (poor guy). We had sex my second but then in October of that year (we had LO in Feb) my brother stated "don't you feel your poking her with your d..." and it ALL stopped... ugh.... so no sex at all. Then what really sucked is I had a horrific vaginal delivery where my birth canal stopped opening. They had to cut me and use the vacumm to get her out. I had over 22 stitches and at 14 weeks post we finally had sex. But I will say this... it was AMAZING sex. The past few weeks we discussed sex a lot, when I would be ready and some of our fantasy's. We also went shopping since you lose some of that "natural" lube and we got a small vibrator to use to make sure that area was ready and not to tender still. He was so caring, I got massage and while having sex he listened to my needs and when I said he needed to stop he did and change positions. (I have one area still not healed). But again, best sex ever because it had been so long and we had to explore other areas of our relationship without the "sex" for so long.
Good Luck with your H - remind him that it might not be just the 6 weeks post - it could be a LOT more!!!!!
hey don't let it get you down. my DH is not weired out YET, mayb becuz i am only 4 wks and am not yet showing! but this too shall pass. keep strong and have a safe delivery!
I can completely relate. I've talked with my man about having sex and how it's affecting me and my self confidence, and I've asked him how having the baby makes him feel and if it affects his sexual interest. He says he still finds me attractive and makes comments about how much he loves my pregnant body, and says that the baby hasn't affected his sexual interest at all. This all being said, we still aren't active together much, and I'm consistently turned down when I try to seduce him.
I hope things get better for all of us. Lots of luck!
Same problem over here! He says he's not weirded out about baby. He says he thinks pregnant women are attractive. He says he likes the pregnancy boobs. But...he never initiates anything! And when I try, I keep getting rejected with lame excuses! (too tired?? don't tell me about being tired! I'm tired, but I still have a sex drive!) Talk about a self-confidence deflater! And seriously, I've worked hard to maintain a very healthy body throughout this pregnancy, but to keep getting rejected like this is really taking its toll on me emotionally.
Don?t worry about it, with our first child hubby didn?t want to come close to me for the fear of having sex. Off course emotionally it put a lot of strain on me, especially since he is one of those men who don?t talk about things, especially emotional things, but later on he confessed that even though it doesn?t harm baby, the thought of his baby being in there just freaked him out. I am now pregnant with nr 4 and I wish he would give me a break!! I think it?s just scary for first time dad's. Talk to him and try to reassure him that baby is in no way at risk and won?t even notice anything. Do some research to prove this and send it to him.
It definitely is not because of you... believe me I am sure he loves you even more now than ever. :-)
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This is our second pregnancy and my husband feels the same way. It gets so frustrating. I get so frustrated. We have talked about it and I know he desires me (because he reassures me regularly) But it just wierds him out. Plus seeing our daughter running around makes it even worse. Its like he would be invading her space in a way he could never take back. And he just can't get past it. I have 3 months left so I completely understand where you are coming from.
mine too...we have always had a healthy sex life up until now, i am over six months pregnant and we got married in april, had a great honeymoon. shortly after returning home we started having less sex, now i practically beg him and its humiliating. thinking of seeing a sex therapist, when i confronted him about our sex life he said he was freaked out that his large penis would hurt our babys head lol. i wish u the best of luck getting your sex life back.
I know this can be a really hard thing to go thorugh, when I was pregnant with our twins, now 21 months, my fiancee and I did not have very much sex especially when I started to get bigger. My feelings were hurt and I brought this up with him he woundn't admit that It weirded him out even though I think it did. In the end I told him that I just wanted to spend some time close to him touching and such and that really helped. As soon as the boys were born and I was feeling up to it things went back to normal. I am expecting the same thing this time around being 10 weeks pregnant, but right now I have no desire at all. I think sometimes as women we are totally fine when we have no desire but when our men don't we freak out. Also can someone please tell me how I can have pictures and stuff at the bottom of my posts??
my husband and I never stopped, but now that the baby's here he wants nothing to do with me except occasionally. It's been seven weeks and we've had sex once and I had to kind of force the issue.
but my dad was that way when my mom was pregnant with my older sister and me- he told her she was gross & didn't want anything to do with her, but then my younger sister and brother she said he just apparently didn't care anymore I guess. They were really young with the both of us though, maybe that has something to do with it?
Just have two more and you'll be golden! lol
The only real advice I can give you is just to keep trying to communicate or at the very least, jump him in his sleep.. I had to do that once or twice.
The point is, nothing's wrong although it feels that way, he's probably just becoming acclimated to your new body and yes even though you're five months, it could still take some time.
mine is the same way! ever since we found out we were having a girl, and i was getting bigger, he got weirded out bc his daughter is in there, and I try to explain to him its ok, she will not get hurt or even feel it! We are ready for her and I'm due July 8th.. I tell him that helps get her here faster, but he still gets grossed out by it! I get so aggravated.. when he wants it after shes born, he's going to have to wait 6 weeks, but I'm trying everything I can to get her out! but I know how you feel, I dont feel pretty, and my self esteem is already messed up, I dont feel like I can turn him on anymore, I'm just a big blimp that complains of hurting all the time, and he gets grossed out about my boobs leaking too.. and then I cry and he wonders why? Men just don't understand that we still have needs even though we cant do much being 9 months pregnant and want sex.. even if its only to help induce labor! Good Luck!
same here girl! I get mad and start crying (when he's not looking) when I get turned down.. it hurts! we didnt do anything special like that for our 1 year anniversary either!! I just want to punch him when I get turned down! but I dont even get told I"m pretty.. bc he says I look the same to him, which is pretty , but I get mad and say TELL ME I AM! ... men.
Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you or him. I was having the exact same problem with MH but we sat down and we talked. He told me he was just worried that he would hurt me or the baby. I gather a bunch of magazines and books that said sex was safe and baby wouldn't even know it since they are very well protected in their little "nest". After the talk, we are back in our honeymoon (we've been married for 9 months only).
totally going through the same thing! so glad I am not the only one with this issue. My husband says hes wierded out because of the baby. The dr has explained to him that its safe but he is just really freaked out and thinks the baby can see his you know what. i've stopped trying because getting rejected is getting old and only makes me feel like more of a blimp. 4 and a half more months to go, ought to be interesting.....
My husband was like that with our first baby. I think we had sex twice the whole time and it made me feel very self conscious. After the baby came things were back to normal and our sex life has been better than ever, which is why we are now pregnant with #2. I'm only 5 weeks so I'm not sure if he will be the same with this baby or not. I sure hope not. I really don't want to go another pregnancy with no sex!
I would say to take him w/ you to a doctor's appointment, and have them explain to him that it's perfectly safe and normal to have sex during pregnancy. Excuse my bluntness, but no man is long enough to touch the baby inside the womb. You guys can look up the anatomy on that to see what I mean. It doesn't hurt the baby either. I was told that since the baby is surrounded by amniotic fluid, it's the same as being rocked asleep in a rocking chair after birth. Also, you release good hormones during intercourse which are relaxing and good to you and the baby and which help you and your partner bond.
I wouldn't take it as an insult to your appearance that he's not as interested in sex since you've been pregnant. The pregnant figure is celebrated worldwide as a symbol of beauty, fertility, and hope. Maybe some pampering would help.
I think all of this could be solved w/ a good talk, looking up the science behind all of this, and a talk from your doctor. Good luck! Congratulations!
I have the exact same issue! My husband assures me he still finds me attractive and whatever but it is horrible to feel like they don't want to touch you anymore. He is completely weirded out by having sex with me while I'm pregnant. It's been a long time for us and now I'm only 2 weeks away from my due date. I've even asked him to please just take pity on me and do it and he won't. Once the baby comes it will be at least another 6 weeks. So I'm looking at a minimum of 8 more weeks after an already long dry spell.
It sucks, but it's not you. I felt the same way and would cry all the time. Some guys just have a problem with it. Some feel like they'll hurt the baby. Others are weirded about by having sex with a baby sandwiched between you.
It's such a common thing! My husband felt the same with with our first two children, will probably feel the same with this one AND a couple of my friend's husbands have been the same. But I do remember when I was going through it with my daughters, it was very frustrating and made me feel undesireable and made me fear for our future...
Tell your hubby - You're having sex in the garage... and the baby's in the HOUSE! It helped my husband... once... LOL... hang in there, girl
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ive got a cervical cerclage since week 16 im 19 weeks on monday and im on bedrest. my OB told me to cut down on the sex (i can have it once a week) my BF and i been doing it at least once a day! lol mainly on my demand i cant go without it. i think he just does it to please me. he seems so worried when we do it lol so it isnt a surprise that your man feels wierd about it they all do! he's probably just afraid to hurt u!
He just needs reassurance, maybe bring him to the doctor with you (if your comfortable and as others suggested) and have him say it to him (maybe guy doc to your guy will also be a good convincing dynamic)
you are not alone. my husband used to want to do it all the time when i first became pregnant. (then, i did not want to due to lack of energy) but during the 2nd and 3rd trimester, i was ready to go! he on the other hand, was not! i didnt understand. "was it my body?" thats all i could think about. when i would ask him he would say nothing was wrong. then one day i got it out of him... turns out women are not the only ones who get unwanted advice during pregnancy. one of his "friends" filled his head with some pretty graphic and UN-TRUE information about sex during pregnancy. (like he could break my water) so he was just scared. after i assured him, and the doctor assured him, we got better!
As a baby daddy-to-be, let me assure you that it has nothing to do with you. Some guys (me included) get weirded out by the baby when it comes to sex. It's really confusing to me to mix sexuality and babies. Along the same lines as having sex while a baby in a bassinet next to the bed or something. Don't feel bad, my wife feels the same way. But rest assured that it truly is not you. (My wife said to tell you that you are one up on her!)
Re: Husband weirded out by sex...
my first hubby was ok with it but on average was never interested much in sex even before baby.
now on Second hubby and I mentioned it his first reaction his eye lit up like YEAH but then he got serious looking and said we should wait to make sure it is ok with the baby. In the 1st tri some say it helps cement the fetus in some circles nothing for the 1st 12 weeks for fear of miscarriage. It took us 6 years to get pregnant so he is stalling me.
You need to sit hubby down and ask him to explain how and what he is feeling. He needs to fess up what is wrong. Take him to doc and bring it up so he can hear what doc says. then approach it again. If he still stalls or says no you need to know why.
My friend had this issue with her first hubby he didn't really want the kids and they drifted apart when she got pregnant her answer was to buy a "mothers helper" to achieve orgasm. Still didn't solve her marital problems.
I like the communication route best myself. GOOD LUCK!
Make a pregnancy ticker
I?m having a similar problem. I seem to want it A LOT more than he does. I don?t know why, but I can?t seem to get enough, and he?s not on the same boat. We?ll be alone at home, the other kids are with grandma or whatever and I try to get him in the mood and he?ll say ?later tonight? or ?we can?t, we need to go to the store? ? the other morning it was that he had a bad dream and was not in the mood. I know it?s not me but I can?t help to think it?s me specially because of the hormone change, my body is not what it used to be? yada yada yada, blah blah blah.
I was so sick my first trimester that the smell of sex made me gag and puke (poor guy). We had sex my second but then in October of that year (we had LO in Feb) my brother stated "don't you feel your poking her with your d..." and it ALL stopped... ugh.... so no sex at all. Then what really sucked is I had a horrific vaginal delivery where my birth canal stopped opening. They had to cut me and use the vacumm to get her out. I had over 22 stitches and at 14 weeks post we finally had sex. But I will say this... it was AMAZING sex. The past few weeks we discussed sex a lot, when I would be ready and some of our fantasy's. We also went shopping since you lose some of that "natural" lube and we got a small vibrator to use to make sure that area was ready and not to tender still. He was so caring, I got massage and while having sex he listened to my needs and when I said he needed to stop he did and change positions. (I have one area still not healed). But again, best sex ever because it had been so long and we had to explore other areas of our relationship without the "sex" for so long.
Good Luck with your H - remind him that it might not be just the 6 weeks post - it could be a LOT more!!!!!
I can completely relate. I've talked with my man about having sex and how it's affecting me and my self confidence, and I've asked him how having the baby makes him feel and if it affects his sexual interest. He says he still finds me attractive and makes comments about how much he loves my pregnant body, and says that the baby hasn't affected his sexual interest at all. This all being said, we still aren't active together much, and I'm consistently turned down when I try to seduce him.
I hope things get better for all of us. Lots of luck!
Don?t worry about it, with our first child hubby didn?t want to come close to me for the fear of having sex. Off course emotionally it put a lot of strain on me, especially since he is one of those men who don?t talk about things, especially emotional things, but later on he confessed that even though it doesn?t harm baby, the thought of his baby being in there just freaked him out. I am now pregnant with nr 4 and I wish he would give me a break!! I think it?s just scary for first time dad's. Talk to him and try to reassure him that baby is in no way at risk and won?t even notice anything. Do some research to prove this and send it to him.
It definitely is not because of you... believe me I am sure he loves you even more now than ever. :-)
my husband and I never stopped, but now that the baby's here he wants nothing to do with me except occasionally. It's been seven weeks and we've had sex once and I had to kind of force the issue.
but my dad was that way when my mom was pregnant with my older sister and me- he told her she was gross & didn't want anything to do with her, but then my younger sister and brother she said he just apparently didn't care anymore I guess. They were really young with the both of us though, maybe that has something to do with it?
Just have two more and you'll be golden! lol
The only real advice I can give you is just to keep trying to communicate or at the very least, jump him in his sleep.. I had to do that once or twice.
The point is, nothing's wrong although it feels that way, he's probably just becoming acclimated to your new body and yes even though you're five months, it could still take some time.
I would say to take him w/ you to a doctor's appointment, and have them explain to him that it's perfectly safe and normal to have sex during pregnancy. Excuse my bluntness, but no man is long enough to touch the baby inside the womb. You guys can look up the anatomy on that to see what I mean. It doesn't hurt the baby either. I was told that since the baby is surrounded by amniotic fluid, it's the same as being rocked asleep in a rocking chair after birth. Also, you release good hormones during intercourse which are relaxing and good to you and the baby and which help you and your partner bond.
I wouldn't take it as an insult to your appearance that he's not as interested in sex since you've been pregnant. The pregnant figure is celebrated worldwide as a symbol of beauty, fertility, and hope. Maybe some pampering would help.
I think all of this could be solved w/ a good talk, looking up the science behind all of this, and a talk from your doctor. Good luck! Congratulations!
I have the exact same issue! My husband assures me he still finds me attractive and whatever but it is horrible to feel like they don't want to touch you anymore. He is completely weirded out by having sex with me while I'm pregnant. It's been a long time for us and now I'm only 2 weeks away from my due date. I've even asked him to please just take pity on me and do it and he won't. Once the baby comes it will be at least another 6 weeks. So I'm looking at a minimum of 8 more weeks after an already long dry spell.
It sucks, but it's not you. I felt the same way and would cry all the time. Some guys just have a problem with it. Some feel like they'll hurt the baby. Others are weirded about by having sex with a baby sandwiched between you.
It's such a common thing! My husband felt the same with with our first two children, will probably feel the same with this one AND a couple of my friend's husbands have been the same. But I do remember when I was going through it with my daughters, it was very frustrating and made me feel undesireable and made me fear for our future...
Tell your hubby - You're having sex in the garage... and the baby's in the HOUSE! It helped my husband... once... LOL... hang in there, girl
What a beautiful baby!
Sorry. Just had to say something.