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NBR: Has anyone run into a board or support for this?

tiki_ttiki_t
in Northern California Babies

I knew this day might come. The topic, aging parents. 

My mom takes really good care of herself and I have no worries about her or her health. She'll hit the occasional hiccup but she's a health nut so even though she's older, she's in even better shape than I am.

However, DH's mom hasn't, we've been on her case for years to change her lifestyle, she made excuses, didn't, had a heart attack and is now in the hospital with a possible stroke. I've got mixed feelings. On one hand I'm there for someone when they aren't doing well but on the other hand, I'm so pissed off that at this young of an age she's now feeling the consequences of her bad choices and as a side effect of that, it impacts our life in a major way. We've already got our plates more than full, our own set non-lifestyle induced health problems and the kids to juggle. This pushes things over the top.

I think I need support for this. This is going to sound bad but I'm starting to get really angry about this. This isn't genetics or a random issue. This is years of bad eating and refusing to even go out for a walk (with no legitimate reason behind it) catching up with her despite encouragement from literally everyone to change that habit. Grrrr!

Have any of you been through something like this or know where to look for tips/pointers for surviving through this? DH is already on medication for depression. I don't want to be the next one to get sucked under.  

 



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Re: NBR: Has anyone run into a board or support for this?

  • MommySteph2009MommySteph2009

    Sorry you and B are going through this.  My Best friend's mom died from her lifestyle choices at 52, and was like an elderly for the 15 years that lead up to it.  Fortunately by friend was closer to her dad because of her mom's lack of being a mom when she was growing up.  I know my friend was on anti depressants, but not just for this.

    It is very sad to have someone who should live a long life knowing they will not because of their choices, it's just not fair on the family. 

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  • CelynCelyn member
    I'm in the same boat with my mom.  It's so very frustrating.  Someone very recently said to me (when I was complaining that I'm tired of harping on her bad habits) "you aren't going to change her, so you can either spend the last years of her life arguing with her because you want her to live longer or you can accept her and try to make those last years enjoyable."  For me, it's an impossibly hard choice to make.
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  • tiki_ttiki_t

    imageCelyn:
    .... For me, it's an impossibly hard choice to make.

     OMG, this! How do you cope? 



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  • CelynCelyn member
    Right now I'm coping by trying to educate myself on all the changes she needs to make and finding a way to be an enabler of those changes.  When and if that fails, I'll find a way to accept that I've done what I can.  I also spend way more time than I like trying to figure out how I'll adapt to life without a mom.  What makes me the most angry in this, is that this is exactly how my mom had to live her life at my age in regard to her mom.  Amazingly, she doesn't remember it that way at all.  But I do.  I remember all the times she beat her head against the wall wishing and hoping her mom would make lifestyle changes and driving to LA to take care of her.  It took nearly 2 decades of everyone harping on her, but my grandmother did eventually change things and got healthy and had a great final 17 years (she was 91 when she died).  My mom's 68 now. Unless she makes serious changes, I'm thinking that Aaron won't remember her at all and Ryan will just have scattered memories.  She's someone they could learn so much from, so it makes me terribly sad to think they might not have that opportunity.
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    Harmony Doula
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  • tiki_ttiki_t
    *HUGS* Thank you so much for sharing. You are an inspiration. I hope that you keep finding the strength to get through it. 


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  • kittylovekittylove member

    (((HUGS)))) to both of you. My mom has been "sick" (major back/pain issues, high blood preasure, diabeties) for my whole adult life, and there were times I didn't think she would ever walk me down the isle or watch me be a mother. I will say I am so thankful for those times, and all the good times we have. I have moved to the acceptance phase of her sickness. I hope she has another 10 yrs but I also know things might get a lot worse at any moment. I live in the moment thankful she is still here. I try not to think about losing her, as there is no use dwelling on it. None of us know how long we have. I love her for the woman she is, faults and all, knowing she does the best she can in the moment and hoping that is enough.

    ETA: You have a PM with a link.

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