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Stay at Home Moms
Daisy77
member
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
The same argument every year?
Daisy77
member
Is there something that you and DH just can't seem to agree on? Or you discuss it, agree..... and then after a few months it goes back to the way it was before?
On top of running our business(es) of hauling and truck repair, DH helps his parents out with their grain farming. I have an issue with this for 2 reasons:
1) During this time of year, planting for IL's takes precedence over our business (and, the way I see it, our customers). I don't think this is right. I think IL's should operate their farming as though they didn't need DH to help out. Our stuff sits and DH works on it when he's not doing field work. (Note: We have 2 trucks that our employees run when we have a job). DH's truck is currently sitting as it needs repairs. That's the problem. We have paying customers, we're booked past Memorial Day and we have a truck that could be making money sitting while DH helps IL's out. Again. On top of that, since DH has to use his "free" time doing work for our business, his "honey-do" list at home is HUGE. Our yard looks horrid because he hasn't had time to spray for weeds. He keeps saying he'll "get to it" (meanwhile I want to hire someone to do it just to get it done.)
2) IL's "pay" DH for his work but they don't cut him a weekly check or anything. He has to ask for it when we need it. It's a long story and I'm not happy about it but that's a whole other issue.
Getting him to discuss this is a huge PITA. An adult conversation about putting our best interests first. We started this business 5 years ago and have built a good reputation and client base. It hasn't been easy either. I know he thinks I'm nagging, but seriously. Look at how often IL's get to go away for a long weekend or a vacation. They can because they have the time because DH is always helping them out! Meanwhile, we can't get ahead or even catch up and I can't get him to see that without him getting annoyed.
We have this discussion every year. DH starts saying "no" to his parents for a bit and then it slowly goes back to the way it was before. I believe this definitely contributes to my aggravation with my IL's. They can't see that he's a husband and a father with his own family, home and business to take care of. His refusal to say "no" more often doesn't help.
Grrr...it's frustrating:(
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The same argument every year?
The brothers I Rule and OMG! with their faithful sidekickFootFoot.
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
When it comes to his family, DH would rather cut out his tongue than say anything negative or tell them no.
His sisters are both sort of "high needs" and being the oldest and the only brother, he somehow feels obligated to help everyone out, watch over everything, etc. His parents don't try to be demanding but he definitely feels pressure from all sides. I like his family (a lot) but find them all pretty overbearing.
I try to cut him some slack because he's doing the best he can. There are things we have been around and around about but I don't see him ever changing, so I try to pick my battles. In your situation I would definitely be frustrated though, since your business and home are suffering as a result - that doesn't seem remotely fair. Looking on the bright side, it seems your H is a loyal and devoted son, but I have had that feeling of being put last (they do that because they know we can 'take it') and it SUCKS hardcore. Good luck.
That sounds very frustrating. I find when it is a topic that comes up over and over again, that we both become defensive quicker which makes it harder to work through the challenge.
Ours annual argument is over DHs phone. He is in real estate so he has his phone with him all the time and although we agreed that he would set boundaries for family time, it is hard for him to keep within those set boundaries- and they are not that bad at all- only a couple of hours a week really...and of course emergencies are exempt.
It was easier back when we were just dating and before smart phones. Now that he can take calls AND send emails and texts via his phone, it is really hard for him to unplug even for a bit. It also drives me nuts know that he is constantly on his phone when he is on his own with Lily...that really isn't fair to her. It is supposed to be their time together. We discuss it, he agrees with me, and then after a while it all goes back to the way it was before...and if I bring it up too much, he then accuses me of not being supportive of his job. ::rolls eyes::
Also, he tends to text while he drives (even though it is now against the law here) and it INFURIATES me to no end...especially when he tries to do it while Lily and I are in the car- and I say tries, because I lay into him when we are there. I really have no control over what he does when he is on his own. I just wish he would consider that by putting himself (and other innocent people on the road) in danger, he is also putting his family's future with him in danger. We have talked about this before and again he agrees with me, but that doesn't seem to stop him.
It is super frustrating and I truthfully don't see an end in sight overall. ::shrugs:: I wish I could say it has gotten better, but I guess it is good to have others commiserate?
If this happens every year, can you hire someone like a temp to use that truck and make some money for yourselves?
That's when you need to step up, because it is your livelyhood too, and tell THEM no. You pay like a regular customer, or find someone else. By the sound of it, you have a lot of customers to make good money. It doesn't sound like you need them.
If your DH doesn't like it, then tough sh!t. He had his chance to control the situation, and didn't. So, you took the bull by the horns and did it yourself. : )
Thanks ladies! As much as it sucks, I am glad to hear that DH isn't the only one.
He does get defensive when I bring it up and I can't figure out why. It doesn't matter how I say it, he immediately goes on the defensive. He has said before that he's tired of being the hero because he can't get his own stuff done. Um, hello?
Since his "free" time is spent working on our stuff, he rarely gets a day off. Meanwhile, if it rains (so no field work), IL's can spend the day chilling out.
I have asked him how he'd feel if I asked "How high?" every time my family said, "Jump!" He sees me say no to them all the time because it just doesn't work with what we have going on.
:::sigh::: I'm just tired of having the same discussion (and being the bad guy) when he knows full well that what is going on is messed up.
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05