From crib to bed....I MUST be doing it wrong. Help!

supermom83 · May 2011

DS has always been an excellent sleeper. He slept through the night starting 7 months and we never had a problem ever since. We're having a baby in June and I thought it would be a good time to start transitioning him into a bed now that he's almost 2.5. I'm starting to regret it!

We bought a twin bed for DS about two months ago. We assembled it in his room, bought him bedding that he LOVED and made a big deal about it and he was very excited about the bed in general. We kept it in his room along with the crib. We did not pressure him out of the crib at all.

After a few weeks of the bed being in the room, DS initiated wanting to sleep in it on his own. He insisted on not sleeping in the crib anymore and wanted to nap and sleep in bed. So we did just that. Problem is, DS has an extremely difficult time falling asleep in the bed. First night it took 2.5 hours. I expected it to take a while, he was playing, pointing at the sheets, generally very excited (it was very cute) and I think the first mistake I made was to lie down next to him the whole time till he fell asleep. Needless to say he woke up 3 hours later crying, I went in, tired to put him back to sleep, he again had such a difficult time falling asleep (I tried for 2 hours) and I just gave up and put him in the crib. He cried because he wanted to sleep in the bed but I was just so tired and he only cried for 2 minutes then totally zonked out and fell asleep.

He now refuses to sleep in the crib, only wants to sleep in the bed...which is great and all, problem is, he wants me to lay next to him till he falls asleep...which I guess I wouldn't mind so much if it didn't take him 1+ hours to fall asleep! Plus he always wakes up during the night and comes into our room (which I expected) and I immediately take him back to his bed...but then again he can't fall asleep for 2+ hours so I resort to putting him back in the crib for the kid to get any sleep at all!

I know I'm doing this wrong. I must be! I realize I should not be in the bed with him and I probably should not put him back in the crib since that's sending mixed messages, but I don't know what else to do.

Today for nap I tried sitting in a chair next to his bed and told him the bed was only for Ben and not for mommy. He was so distraught and cried and cried and would not fall asleep or stay in the bed at all. After an hour I gave up and put him in his crib and walked out of the room. He cried bloody murder but was so tired he fell asleep right away. I know I'm doing this wrong but I don't know how to fix it!!

Please help me. Tell me what you did and some steps I need to take to fix the mistakes I made!!

PS. My son has a speech disorder and can't talk so he can't tell me what he wants or why he's crying. He points for me to lie down next to him so I know he wants that but I don't know if he's scared, hungry, thirsty or what...

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · May 2011

We switched ds's bed to a toddler bed around 18 months for the fact that he HATED the crib. Really, with all my posts today, it seems like my kid hates everything lol. Anyways, it was a tough transition because he wanted to get up and wander the room and explore his new found freedom. I just shut his door. There was nothing in there that could hurt him, and I am a big believer of not having toys in his room for the fact that I want him to know his room is for sleeping, not playing. He really has done well with being in a big boy bed until recently, but I really think the problems we are having now are related to other things.

beyoga · May 2011

That stinks! I'm not sure what would help to really transition him better. I hope you can figure it out. I would try teaching him sign language so he isn't so frustrated and you can communicate better. Good luck!

KKMMex · May 2011

Are you keeping the crib in his room for the new baby? Are they going to share a room? Unless this is the case, I'd take the crib out of his room.

We've done it two different ways with two different children, but both ways involved the crib essentially going away. The first time we were dealing with a convertible crib, so all we did was lower the mattress and take the front off of the crib, thus converting it into a toddler bed. Bye bye crib.

The second time we took the crib down and stored it in pieces in the garage. We then installed the big girl bed while she was at her grandparents. Again, bye bye crib.

With both children there was night waking after each transition. With our older daughter we put doorknob covers over the knobs so she couldn't get out at night. We eventually removed them though. I think night waking is normal and the goal should be to teach them how to put themselves back to sleep in their own bed. I had to put my younger daughter back in bed 20+ times one night before she finally fell asleep in her bed on her own. I've seen Super Nanny episodes where the poor parent did it upwards of 80 times!

I think in your case, the lack of communication is a real challenge. I didn't have that problem so I'm not sure how to address it. Maybe another mom will chime in?

Ciarrai · May 2011

I'm going to preface this by saying that many nests/bumpies think I'm an awful mom. But I would Do CIO both for bedtime and for night. Do your usual bedtime routine - bath, books, brush teeth, etc., tuck him in and walk away. Take as many toys as you can out of his bedroom and lock him in. Our kids don't have any toys in their rooms except books and stuffed animals. We put a gate across the girls' door when we first moved them to beds, but if they can climb over that, you can use a door knob cover or switch the knob around so the lock is on the outside. As our pedi said, they may sleep on the floor in front of the gate a few nights but then they figure out the bed is more comfortable and put themselves back to bed. It's going to be a painful few nights (more for you than for your DS, who probably won't even remember in the morning), but you all will be a lot happier when you're all back to sleeping well.

coryandrobin25 · May 2011

We just recently switched our DD from crib to toddler bed. We kept the crib in there for 1 night just in case she didn't transition well. But from night 1 she has done so well and doesn't wake in the middle of the night. We just make sure she has all her comfy bears/animals and blankets with her and she is happy. We took the crib out the next night. Just about every night after we put her to bed she does get out and grab some books then brings them back into bed with her. But that is fine with me because she falls asleep on her own without fussing in her bed.

For advice, I would take the crib out of the room for starters. Then make sure he has all his loveys with him then do your usual routine for bedtime. It might take some time for him to get used to it but just make sure his room is safe for him, cause now that they have this freedom they will get out of bed and roam a little. Just shut the door and if he cries give him a few minutes, if he's still crying 5-10 minutes later go in and calm and comfort him then, try it all over again and continue this until he falls asleep(but add more time between the time you leave and comforting each time). IT WILL get better, I promise!! Good luck:)

jallen76 · May 2011

I am so sorry...I know you are so frustrated. Sleep training is such a frustrating thing.

I agree with pp. The first thing I thougth was get rid of the crib. We've done it twice and both times, we got rid of the crib and put up the bed. (Twin for DS and Full for DD). You want him to think he is a big boy, so why would you have the crib still in there? Complete the transition. You're right about you getting in the bed with him. You can't do that. It's his bed, not yours. Explain to him that it is his bed, make it comfortable for him (blankets, lovies, pillows, etc) and do your routine. Tell him that he has to stay in his bed. Tell him that he has to stay in there until morning and if he needs you call for you, or give him some other signal if he can't communicate it. If he get's out, get up and put him back. Just keep doing it. It will take a night, or two, or three, but eventually he will get it. You can't keep laying with him. Hang in there...

jallen76 · May 2011

I've been thinking about you and how you are doing...hopefully better. What a night light? My DD and DS stayed in their room after I asked what was the matter adn they said it was "spooky" in there by themselves. Once we got a night light, it was better too.

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From crib to bed....I MUST be doing it wrong. Help!

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