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Northern California Babies
Need some major friend advice (warning long)
Ok so let's call her "N." N and I have been friends for about 4 yrs, we got to being very close, so close like talking daily, seeing eachother almost every other week, texting throught the day, etc. I was the only friend invited to her daughters dedication, I am the only one who has ever watched her, outside of her husband's parents...and after that I made her my son's godmother. Well about 2 months ago we had a HUGE fight, like a fight I have NEVER had with any other friend EVER. It started with something stupid, escalated, but then we spoke, swept it under the carpet and althought I felt different and she probably did too, we just sorta moved on, until about 5 days later when she decided we had to talk about it. During that discussion, it became the HUGE fight and we got very heated and we both said some hurtful things. Overall I realized that she has a pretty nasty fighting style and I am also sensitive, much more than she is. We both are stubborn, but she is beyond stubborn (and that is according to everyone). I left with my fam on a trip for a week and she and I didn't speak. She did text a couple days before and said have a safe and fun trip (which was nice, but weird that we didn't talk/resolve things). Then we essentially talked after and because of somethings going on with my LO I asked her for us not to get into another fight or discuss it then because I didn't want any more drama. She agreed, we actually had a couple normal seeming convos, but it was not the same same. Talked less, less texting, etc. I did truly contemplate how much I wanted her in my life and how I don't know why I would want to be friends with someone who isn't thoughtful and who fights dirty and doesn't make as much of an effort. Well, we finally did have a needed convo about all that went down. We talked a looong time and it felt resolved. I knew our relationship would still be strained to some degree, but not to the degree it is now. I went with my fam to her daughter's bday party in mid April. I felt like we weren't the same, but she still asked me to help her a bit, gave me a hug, I held the baby, etc. I had asked do you want to get dinner sometime and we made plans, then she cancelled. We made a playdate and when I told her I would be late because of A's haircut, she said let's reschedule. She stopped by my work 2 wks ago (she calls on my office) and it was a shocker, because she usually texts me ahead of time. I felt akward but she seemed thrilled to see me and chatted like normal and hugged me. After that I said I am done with being the one to make the effort. So I have done nothing and for almost 2.5 wks I didn't hear from her, until now. It is A's bday party tomorrow and she texts saying "hi, i am not sure about tomorrow...baby usually sleeps during the party, so don't know that i want to wake her mid nap...might just do it, but on the fence...but i will go with older daughter." I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. DH just says say OK, do whatever you can. But me being me wants to say something like long time no talk or whatever. But I am sure it won't get me anywhere. Makes me sad because I feel like not only have a lost an old friend, but my son is probably not going to have the godmother I had hoped for 
Thanks for reading and for advice. I may DD later.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need some major friend advice (warning long)
I am so sorry you are going through so much drama with such a good friend.
I had a major falling-out w/ my BFF over a year ago and it still hurts to think about it. Honestly- I wouldn't respond with "long time, no talk". Sounds sorta passive-aggressive to me. Most of the communication during my "break-up" w/ my friend was through email. I will never communicate with written words about huge friendship issues again (even if it feels easier). Tone, body language, etc.... are SO important in communicating. Too much is misinterpretted through written words. Anyway- I am going off on a tangent. If you are hoping to repair your friendship, I would personally start with a quick text back saying something about sorry to hear the baby may not make it, but I am glad you & ?? will be by. We look forward to seeing you. (If that is the truth.) I wouldn't deal with any of the drama tonight or tomorrow. Focus on A's b-day!!
GL & (((HUGS)))
NorCalMOMS bio* NorCalBOTB* babywearingBIO
Harmony Doula
My best friend and I have been super close for years (and I'm the godmother to her daughter) but not without our speed bumps in our friendship. We've had some really nasty falling outs and we end up taking periods of "time out" from each other. I think that is why we've been friends for so long.
Is it possible to just take a time out for a short period of time, let things cool off, settle down and then sit down to talk? It might not have to be a short period of time either.
I remember one falling out I had with my friend. She was pregnant and let's just say drama happened to the point where I didn't talk to her for 6 months. Then her step-dad found me in the bookstore and told me that she had just had her daughter. We picked up right where we had left off and we're still good friends to this day.