Missing independence and spontaneity...(long)

Shanin8 · May 2011

Struggling with my definition of "mom."

I have so many examples to pull from and am looking for what fits with me and what doesn't. My mom was the ultimate sacrificer... Did away with her friends and never left home. Ended up with a shred of sanity as we got older and started leaving the nest. She had a huge problem with letting go of her kids because we were her only identity. Then my sister, who could care less about who is watching her baby, as long as she can go do what she wants. She's raising a baby who seems scared and unsure of normal day to day activities. Not to judge these moms, but inside, I know that it is not MY definition of mom. I have been "following" an attachment parenting approach. Not because the website tells me that it is how I should raise Rudy, but rather because it fits nicely with what I was already doing. I feel that it is right for me and Rudy because it feels good and natural. I think that because I had a mom like I had, who I am grateful for, has led to a lot of guilt for desiring more balance.

Lately, I have been trying to figure out life without independence and a lack of spontaneity. I do not regret having a baby. Quite the opposite actually. I feel it is the most beautiful and important thing that has ever happened in my life. The problem is, I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I used to pride myself on the ability to get up and go...to take chances and create memories. I could write a book with my life experiences before the age of 30. My (illogical?) fear is that I am not that person now...despite that I LOVED being that person. My hope is that having a baby enhances this aspect of my personality, I just have to find the way to make it work. I know some aspects will get easier as he gets older, but then I know some things will get harder also. Looking at it from a different angle, being spontaneous with a child means that I could be prepared for whatever happens day to day...it's just a different way of being spontaneous.

I know that I will make new memories, probably way better than the ones that I have already made... And I know that I am SO glad that Rudy will be there making them with me. My life has changed more than I could've imagined...he is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep. Every part of me wants to do the best I can for my beautiful baby. I guess this is my crude definition of "mom."

LadybugPicnic2011 · May 2011

I think this is an aspect every mom has to deal with at one point or another. Who am I? Can I be defined as anything other than a mom? Enjoy finding the new you... The one that is still spontaneous but balances that with the most rewarding job ever. The job of being a mom.

thatsmary · May 2011

I have been finding that as being a mom is becoming easier that my spontaneity is coming back. As long as I bring extra diapers we're good to go. There are a few things I miss - like going to the rock climbing gym, but I've always run on the theory that babies are easier than pets because as long as you have a pack they are more portable. A bar is about the only place you can't bring a baby.

Aviee · May 2011

I miss being able to have a conversation with anyone that doesnt involve 'how's the baby' and 'how is motherhood' every two seconds. I don't connect with others anymore.

daisygirl2010 · May 2011

Aviee:
I miss being able to have a conversation with anyone that doesnt involve 'how's the baby' and 'how is motherhood' every two seconds. I don't connect with others anymore.

This. It's hard for me to find things to talk about with my friends (and sometimes even DH) because my entire day is centered around DD. I know they don't want to hear about her all the time and I would like to talk about different things too...but man, after spending 10 hours alone with an infant all day...what ARE you supposed to talk about? Also, many of my friendships centered around activities (running, cycling, etc) that I am not currently able to participate in and so those friendships are falling to the wayside.

For me I need to find some activities away from DD to make sure I can define myself as a woman not just as a mom.

Firedancer1013 · May 2011

I feel that as DS grows older, I will gain more of that independence and spontaneity back. It is so hard for us to leave the house now because of his spit up. I have some anxiety about going anywhere for a long period of time because we need several changes of clothing for him and me, as well as about a million bibs and burp cloths. We've had issue with weight gain, and I know if I keep him at home more I can jostle him less and he will spit up less. He spits up an average of 3 times every time he is in the carseat. I know the spit up should get better as he gets older, so I am really hoping that when he is older we both will have a little bit more freedom and I will feel less reclusive. I'd LOVE to get out more and feel like a real person again and be able to take LO more places than just where we have to go.

MiniMadness · May 2011

thatsmary:
I have been finding that as being a mom is becoming easier that my spontaneity is coming back. As long as I bring extra diapers we're good to go. There are a few things I miss - like going to the rock climbing gym, but I've always run on the theory that babies are easier than pets because as long as you have a pack they are more portable. A bar is about the only place you can't bring a baby.

This is my exact approach. As long as I have diapers, there's a chance we are doing something totally spontaneous and on-the-go. I have found that it makes her more comfortable with new situations too!

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Missing independence and spontaneity...(long)

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