Would you be offended (baby shower gift..)

beeunit · May 2011

My step-brother and his wife are having their baby shower today. Aside from the real gift that I got them, I also have some diapers/breast pads/formula left over from Aaron. The diapers are a hodge podge of NB/Size 1's thrown in a box, and the breast pads are all wrapped, but the box was opened and I did use a few of them. The formula is completely unopened. I'm not planning on putting any of it in with the gift, but want them to have it if they can use it. I asked my step-mom and she sounded thrilled. The only problem is the mom-to-be plans on cloth diapering and breast feeding. I want to give her the stuff for "just in case", but don't want her to be offended or feel like I think she can't do it. WWYD?

ETA: Also, they are BF and CD for financial reasons. I don't think they are completely against the thought of disposables or formula, they just don't want to have to buy it..which I totally get.

bparkhur · May 2011

I'd hang on to the formula and give her the other stuff : )

ITGurl0626 · May 2011

I wouldn't bring that stuff to the baby shower. Instead, I would tell the mom-to-be about it & let her decide whether she wants it or not. If you bring the stuff with you to the baby shower it gives the impression that you are just trying to pawn some stuff off on them.

beeunit · May 2011

ITGurl0626:
I wouldn't bring that stuff to the baby shower. Instead, I would tell the mom-to-be about it & let her decide whether she wants it or not. If you bring the stuff with you to the baby shower it gives the impression that you are just trying to pawn some stuff off on them.

I agree. They are out-of-state though, so if I don't bring it today, they won't get it if they want it. I figured I'd just let them know I have it, and if they want it, I'll bring it in from the car?

snowybride08 · May 2011

beeunit:
ITGurl0626:
I wouldn't bring that stuff to the baby shower. Instead, I would tell the mom-to-be about it & let her decide whether she wants it or not. If you bring the stuff with you to the baby shower it gives the impression that you are just trying to pawn some stuff off on them.

I agree. They are out-of-state though, so if I don't bring it today, they won't get it if they want it. I figured I'd just let them know I have it, and if they want it, I'll bring it in from the car?

That seems like a good idea. We cloth diaper, but started with disposables. It would have been nice not to have to buy any.

ITGurl0626 · May 2011

beeunit:

ITGurl0626:
I wouldn't bring that stuff to the baby shower. Instead, I would tell the mom-to-be about it & let her decide whether she wants it or not. If you bring the stuff with you to the baby shower it gives the impression that you are just trying to pawn some stuff off on them.

I agree. They are out-of-state though, so if I don't bring it today, they won't get it if they want it. I figured I'd just let them know I have it, and if they want it, I'll bring it in from the car?

Yeah since they live far away that is a smart move. But is your SIL is smart, she'll take the stuff! Wink

RunningGal900 · May 2011

I wouldn't give the formula, but I would give the rest. I BF and I have donated all the formula I received from the hospital, etc. I dont know that id be offended to receive formula, but i do think some BFing moms would, kind of like you're sying "they cant do it." I cloth diaper and have to use disposables this week due to a rash so it would be nice to have some on hand. Or you can let her pick what she wants.

MG7 · May 2011

Give it to her I'm sure she will appreciate it. I CD but use disposables at night and I've taken the extra dipes from friends. I have a friend who is due this summer and ive thrown alot of the pp and newborn things into bag for her.

lolo2011 · May 2011

I would give it to them on the side. Don't wrap as part of your gift but bring it with you. I am doing the same for my friend and have so much extra stuff that I know will come in handy for them. Even though she plans of BF some people can't do it for various reasons so having these on hand would be a great help.

Angel0423 · May 2011

Ask if they want it. I would be pissed if my sis gave me formula when she knew i was planning to breastfeed regardless of the reason. It's just too easy to break down and use the formula in the middle of a screaming baby fit in the middle of the night week 1. If baby sees how easy bottle feeding/formula is he/she may not wanna work so hard to suck, esp before mommy's milk has come in. Diapers for back up is a bit different, and they may actually appreciate the fact that they are passed on from you because it's more "green" then buying a pack at the store for back-up.

I would ask them if they wanted them. I commonly told people I was breastfeeding because "it's free" when asked to avoid launching into a full on discussion, but it's not the only reason!

AutumnBride929 · May 2011

bparkhur:
I'd hang on to the formula and give her the other stuff : )

This. But also agree with the PP to not bring it to the shower. Just give it to her some other time while you visit or something. I actually gave a box of opened breast pads (I had only used a few) to one of our friends after she had her baby. She was absolutely grateful. I also CD but gladly accepted sposies to use for DS at daycare anyway. The only thing I wouldn't want to have gotten was formula since I planned on BF. Having formula around the house is really something that can sabotage it.

ETA: Sorry, just saw that they live OOS. Bringing in the pads & dipes in the car sounds like a fine idea.

christie.h · May 2011

I agree with previous posts about giving it on the side or offering and letting her accept or decline, but I don't know what the fuss is about the formula. I EBF DS#1 and I've started with DS#2, but I still always had backup formula and it was all given to me as samples, etc. I would gladly accept everything you have to give just in case and would not be offended.

Bluescarf · May 2011

ChristieAnne:
I agree with previous posts about giving it on the side or offering and letting her accept or decline, but I don't know what the fuss is about the formula. I EBF DS#1 and I've started with DS#2, but I still always had backup formula and it was all given to me as samples, etc. I would gladly accept everything you have to give just in case and would not be offended.

I see what the fuss is, but would at least offer the formula. A good friend gave me formula even though she knew I was EBF, and said that you never know if you'll need it. I was sure I wouldn't need it but wasn't the least bit offended. I'll take pretty much anything offered to me with good intentions, and I think a lot of other new moms will too.

BLM10 · May 2011

I'm sure the shower is over and done but I want to add something... I would not at all be offended by anything given with your itentions. Anyone who would be is silly and here's why. You can make plans for your pregnancy, birth and baby but you never know what will actually happen. I dreamed of a natural birth with epidural, immediate skin to skin and exclusive breastfeeding and leaving the hospital in 2 days with my baby. What happened was 28 hours of labor and 2 failed epidurals, an emergency Ceasarean, not being able to hold my NICU baby for 23 hours, him not eating for 36 hours and my milk not coming in for a whole week. His first dozen feedings were formula because he couldn't come off IVs and monitors til he gained a certain amount of weight and I wasn't producing more than an ounc of colostruma day and then he didn't leave the NICU for 10 days. Now at almost 6 weeks he's still not gaining adequately and we supplement 2-3 formula bottles a day. I was thrilled that I had some free cans of formula at home and didn't have to spend $23+ each to buy some. It doesn't mean I gave up on breastfeeding or pumping and he doesn't have nipple confusion. It means I'm doing what I must for my baby's best interest. I think there's a double standard in this thread with CDers using disposables as needed but BFers seeing formula as an easy way out... I don't say that to condemn anyone but you do what's best for your baby and it's not always what you expected. Formula doesn't mean "you can't do it" any more than disposables mean you're lazy or hate the Earth. The OP was offering items that might be helpful with the right attitude and any recipient should accept graciously.

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