People are saying the stupidest stuff...

katie4253 · May 2011

I swear, crisis brings out the worst in peoples' abilities to communicate. Today someone told us to enjoy being able to rest while Gabe is in the NICU because when he comes home he'll be all ours and the nurses won't be there to take care of him through the night.

1) thank you captain obvious for letting us know that once he is home the nurses won't be there.
2) don't you think we'd rather be exahusted from a new newborn being home rather than completely emotionally drained by our current situation?
3) when I am home (without Gabe) I still wake up every 2-3 hours to pump milk for him. It isn't like I'm at home sleeping through the night even with him in the NICU. Sure, H is sleeping more than me. But, that's because he went back to work today. He has to work full time and handle the NICU stress so that when Gabe does come home he'll be able to take time off.

Lilystar82 · May 2011

People say the most asinine things when they don't really know WHAT to say. We had someone say to us "You are so lucky! You don't have to go through any of the newborn phase at home! The nurses will just take care of them."

To which I burst into tears (hormones!) and promptly told them that I would do the newborn phase with 783743764736 babies if it meant that mine could be home and healthy.

Natalie_may · May 2011

I'm sorry people are being insensitive. I chalk it up to a lot of people thinking that preemies are just like regular newborns and just have to grow. They don't understand the stress, the fact that you are still waking up to pump and that you would give your left boob to have your baby home at night and not with the nurses. They also don't understand that when your baby comes home the newborn stage begins, they are still eating every 2-3 hours so you don't get to sleep through the night then either.

Hang in there, you'll get through this and be woken up to a baby and not a pump some day soon.

MrsLee22 · May 2011

People just really really really DON'T understand what it's like to have a preemie. I've gotten the "rest while you can!" comment a million times it seems like. I usually just smile and say "I wish! Rest is hard to come by between pumping and hospital visits!"

My babies were born on 3/25 at only 1lb5oz and 1lb8oz... and I got preemie-sized Easter outfits from a friend. Cue the hormonal meltdown! There were barely any diapers that fit my babies, much less clothes, and even if there WERE clothes to fit them, they couldn't wear them anyways! Like I said, people just don't get it. I try to just accept the well-intended thoughts for what they are and not let them bother me.

*Chicken* · May 2011

These things don't bother me much but I HATE when something happens like say I get spit up on while holding one of my girls so I ask my MIL to get me a kleenex because 'C spit up on me' and she says 'well I hate to tell you.......' and then precedes to tell me I'm going to get spit up a lot more than that as if I was complaining. I JUST WANT A GODD*MN KLEENEX TO CLEAN UP THE DROOL RUNNING DOWN MY CHEST! I swear I will go postal if I hear 'well I hate to help you' one more time.

It really makes you wonder If people think new moms are just stupid.

damabo80 · May 2011

OMG. People can be twats.

I have gotten the "rest now while he's in the NICU"...which I thought was fine (and good advice), but I would go postal if someone followed that up with "because the nurses wont be there to take care of him".

And the rest part....I'm learning it's a different sort of rest. Yes, I can sleep whenever I want, but not for more than 3 hours at a time. I'm a slave to the pump as well. Hence, the reason why I'm writing this at 7:30a. The third time tonight my alarm went off and told me to go drain the boobs. I figure it's prime bumping/facebook/blogging time though. I'm pretty much on here every three hours at night when there's nothing else to do while I pump.

Piper345 · May 2011

Although people (family and friends) mean well, they just don't understand what I (we) are going through. There is definitely no "resting" time here. The first week I couldn't even sleep because I was so nervous/anxious. Now, I'm sleeping a tiny bit better but I'm still waking up to pump.

One of my friends put me in contact with her friend who just went through this. Her son has been home for 2 weeks after 7 weeks in NICU and he is doing great! We spoke for over an hour yesterday, and it really helped to talk to someone who has gone through this and truly understands.

SushiNoMore · May 2011

I agree with others who have said that at least they're saying SOMETHING. Even if it isn't the right thing, saying something is better than nothing at all. At least they're trying to care.

Has anyone been asked when they're going to have another baby? I was asked that either while my son was still in the NICU or when he'd been home for like a week. I thought that was a rather asinine question. NOT ANYTIME SOON.

katie4253 · May 2011

Thanks ladies. I agree people just don't "get it". Several people have said they can't wait to see him or hold him either. Like I care when they can see or hold him.

Whatever...it doesn't matter what they say. It just matters how Gabe is doing. And the fact is, he is doing great and I hope I get home really soon so I can be sleep deprived with him at home.

Oh, and the NICU nurses have told us to try to rest as much as possible while he is in there too. It doesn't bother me coming from them. Probably because they "get it".

JakesBride07 · May 2011

Yes very insensitive. You will hear a lot of it. Even the nurses here have told me to rest while I can, I havthe best babysitters, etc. I dont get as upset when it comes from a nurse because I chalk it up to them looking out for me. But some people can just be insensitive.

I have had people even say "oh you won't be saying that when they are home, etc." Whenever i say i can't wait to not have to go the hospital everyday or things typical newborn parents get to do.

kck329 · May 2011

JakesBride07:
Yes very insensitive. You will hear a lot of it. Even the nurses here have told me to rest while I can, I havthe best babysitters, etc. I dont get as upset when it comes from a nurse because I chalk it up to them looking out for me. But some people can just be insensitive.

I have had people even say "oh you won't be saying that when they are home, etc." Whenever i say i can't wait to not have to go the hospital everyday or things typical newborn parents get to do.

This one really got to me as well. And now that Cora is home, I will say that I will take every sleepless night over the NICU stress.

My personal favorite was that during the first few days after Cora was born, my MIL and FIL thought it would be helpful to discuss the fact that our baby could die, face long-term issues, and generally spell out the worst. Yeah, that was really helpful. I know it was their way of processing but I was SO mad at them for focusing on their own fear rather than caring for my DH and being supportive and hopeful like we needed them to.

Deblondie1 · May 2011

People can be uber-insensitive. Whenever someone says that I skipped the newborn stage, I tell them that actually I will still get to deal with the newborn stage it is just postponed. That usually shuts them up. That and when I tell them that I spend all of my time driving and at the hospital where I can't hold my baby constantly or reassure her the way you can a full term baby they tend to realize how ignorant their statements are. Thank goodness for the preemie board

kaylaaimee · May 2011

I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I thought people's comments were the WORST. I got "at least you get to sleep" and the missing the newborn stage comments a lot too. I pumped every three hours for five months while Scarlette was in the hospital. I spent the first two weeks waking up to call the NICU every couple of hours to make sure she wasn't dying. Then I spent the next three weeks spending the night at the hospital on a couch in a public room with other NICU parents. When did these people think I was SLEEPING?

I also got asked "So if this baby doesn't make it, will y'all just adopt next time?" when Scarlette was five days old. FIVE DAYS OLD. I have never in my life lost my temper like I did when someone had the absolute audacity to say that to me.

I think the next runner up would be right after my emergency C-section at twenty five weeks, my FIL walking in and saying "So, how does it feel to not have that big ol' belly anymore?" I was crying and I was like "um...awful?" My inlaws kept wanting to take pictures- they kept saying "you'll want pictures of the happy new parents in the hospital!" and I was such an emotional wreck and so angry and heartbroken that they couldn't stop my labor that I was finally like "They just cut my baby out of me 15 weeks early. I DON'T WANT ANY PICTURES."