Can we vent a little..

magdusia · May 2011

it seems that friends sometimes understand more than family members.

I am considered a biatch of the family because i make everyone wash their hands and no kissing on the face allowed.

A few weeks ago we were at a family reunion and my FIL touched a canoli and then touched my sons hand and i said "please don't touch him after you touched your desert" and i got the nastiest look back. I burst into tears -pregnancy hormones aren't helping. My son had a major reaction that night.. no epi pen but his entire body was swollen.

My step-mother-in-law has dementia and is very forgetful and my FIL is suppose to make sure she's being safe. Just recently they come over and she just out of no where whips out a peanut butter sandwich -i completely lost it.

They were over yesterday while i was at work and my nanny told me they didn't wash their hands and were all over him. My FIL also told her how i keep my DS away from them and how we over react and then makes a comment of "it's not that important". I'm glad my nanny gave him the 101 on allergies but he STILL doesn't get it.

My 7 y/o nephew is obsessed with my DS face. loves to rub it and my SIL thinks it's funny.

How the hell am i suppose to keep family away b/c they don't get it? it's so dangerous. Every time we are near them my DS has hives and blisters all over his body and we need to give him benadryl. My husband thinks they are just ignorant and have their own issues to deal with but WTF? he does lecture them (and so do i) every single time but it's like talking to a brick wall.

I always thought i would have a big problem with my mom b/c she isn't really that educated and i figured my IL's would be perfect with my son since they are lawyers and are very educated --- yet, i realized it has nothing to do with education, but rather compassion and that's one thing my mom has plenty and my IL's lack. so sad.

anyone wants to vent with me? feels good!

CareBear0607 · May 2011

We follow "my kids, my rules." It is sad to say, but family/friends that don't follow our rules--we avoid. It is your LO's life that you have to watch out for. It is so hard for th eolder generation to "get it." For example--MIL had peanuts out on Christmas. We haven't been back to her house since. We usually go there for the 4th of July. If she can promise not to have actual nuts out, then we will go there. If she wants to serve nuts, then we avoid.

Quazel · May 2011

I am so sorry to hear that. I will share a story that may make you feel better.

DS has severe eating issues and did not put any solids in his mouth until recently. Our pedi had warned it could be allergy related, in fact the only thing he had ever had was oatmeal twice at 6 months old and he threw it up both times. My IL's kept trying to tell us if we forced him to taste something yummy, he would start eating. At his 1st birthday party, they asked me about DS having cake. I told them no, went into the whole thing about possible allergies (DH and I both have them) and that we were seeing the pedi the next day to discuss the situation. I later overheard them say the same thing to DH and he responded the same way I did.

When we were cutting the cake, they started again and both DH and I repeated ourselves. I was holding DS on my hip while DH cut the cake. My MIL walked over and kissed DS on the cheek. I didn't think anything of it, I was talking to someone. All of the sudden I felt Ds push back against me and I realized my MIL had grabbed his arm, pinned it down and was trying to force icing in his mouth! He was vehemently struggling. I completely lost it, yelling at my MIL and my FIL in turn started yelling at me for yelling at her. It was NOT pretty. DH literally had his back turned and had no idea what was going on. My FIL then had the nerve to say the mistake they made was doing it in front of us. Needless to say, there was quite a lot of fighting after that. We are very close with them and did work it out but I have never been so angry in my life. DS, by the way, had no reaction although that could have been because he didn't actually get any in his mouth.

My advice to you is to take some pictures of your Ds when he has a reaction, especially after he has seen your ILs. They need to see what happens. I would also go to FAAN's website and download information on reactions and how they can be caused. Give that to your ILs while telling them you really want them to understand where you are coming from, why you are so concerned, and the effects their behavior is having on your LO. I am sorry, that really sucks.

MarMat · May 2011

Ohh my.. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. {hugs}

and I'll share mine...

I don't want to go to DH's grandma's house anymore. The first time we went DD started with her bronchoespasms, that was last october. DD went to have respiratory problems on and off until we found out about the allergies. Yey we so happy. We went again in april and DD started with another round.

It's not only food, but it's a dirty house, they have a dog, cat, birds and it's a fact. Both times we went there, DD started with her allergies...

I told DH that I don't want to go there anymore, sorry about her grandma (80+), if she doesn't want to go somewhere else I'm not taking DD there.

**sigh**

and I also hate I still have to carry aroung with DD's food, as many of the foods in restaurants have dairy or egg.

ok, vent over

EastCoastBride · May 2011

Honestly, I wouldn't take my child around people who so blatantly don't take his allergies seriously. Your DH's stance on this concerns me. your son is obviously VERY sensitive and reacts quickly. It shouldn't be on your son to deal with it (in essence) in order to appease your DH's family because they have "other things on their mind".

Talking to his family doesn't work. perhaps not seeing you all for awhile might be what shakes them up a little.

DandelionMom · May 2011

It is so frustrating (and even scary!) when family doesn't understand.

My biggest vent is that I miss fast food and convenience food so much. Especially at the end of the school year when there are all these evening activities, it would be so nice to be able to just run through a drive-thru!

cynasmin · May 2011

People don't get the whole proximity or spread by touch thing. My heart breaks for little ones that suffer because of ignorant people!

I find it really hard that the modern American lifestyle doesn't really allow enough time for the way i have to live - making my own food, not eating things from packages. I don't have much in the way of safe go to products, if its free from one issues its loaded w/ another. Makes it really hard to go to a friends house for dinner etc.

also i've pretty much had to give up all my favorite foods - it sucks! i've started to find new things that I love but i dont get alot of support on it from friends or family. no one really knows what i'm going through and that sucks!

MrsBeckO · May 2011

Sadly we are in a very similar situation as the OP. My family is very cautious with DD's peanut/tree nut allergy, and my ILs seem to think I'm a looney. At Easter, the dessert my ILs brought? Peanut butter cookies. That they just set on the dining table, directly in her reach. They also had several bowls of mixed nuts scattered around the house, and 3 of the dishes for the meal included some kind of nut. I was livid. And terrified. Someone commented that I just need to watch what she eats, and I just wanted to scream that it's NOT that simple!! There were cousins there aged 2-8, what would happen if one of them wanted to share with DD and didn't understand what she can't eat? Or if DD grabbed a cookie as she walked by the table. Or if someone ate a handful of nuts then touched DD or offered her a snack?! I mean, come on! And once my MIL even said "you have an epipen, right?" Um, what? Yes, of course we do, but that doesn't give you license to threaten her life! Ugh. I've reached a point where DD is never to be left in their care and we are not going to their home anymore. They can come see her here, or meet us somewhere, where I can supervise.

Man, just venting about it here has me all worked up again. I am so saddened by their lack of concern and disappointed in DH's forgiveness of them so easily.

cotner · May 2011

Why does it seem that family is the hardest to get to understand?

My niece was dedicated on Mother's Day and afterwards my brother and SIL had set up a lunch at a Hibachi style Japanese restaurant. It's bad enough that they choose a style of food that is basically all soy based, but to have a 3 year old watch the show (for lack of a better term) and not be able to join in. My heart broke when he was throwing chicken into everyone's mouth and she wanted to do it so bad.

The staff was extremely accommodating without making us feel like the lepers. I wish I could say the same for my own family.

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