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kids in wedding party, do you think

EMTEMT member
in Parenting

they are invited to reception? My kids are both in BIL's wedding (they are the only kids in the wedding).

BIL was asking DH (who is the bestman) how to specify "no kids" at the wedding. At first I thought surely he wasn't talking about OUR kids but now I'm wondering if he was trying to tell us they will not be welcome at the reception. He has asked for wedding advice before (so he could be asking how we did it in general vs. trying to "tell" us something) and is not one to beat around the bush about something but I'm just not sure. I just sort of assumed they would be the only kids at the reception and then I would leave early with them but now I'm wondering if I'm going to have to figure out a babysitter (we are in CA and the wedding is in FL).

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Re: kids in wedding party, do you think

  • eclaireseclaires member

    zOMG, that would be the rudest thing ever.  SERIOUSLY.

    FWIW, my brother had no kids, but Jackson and my cousin's daughter were in the wedding.  They were the only kids at the reception.

    ETA: and the only appropriate way in my opinion to specify no kids is to do your invitations correctly on the inner envelopes (i.e., addressed to Mr. and Mrs. X, not The X Family).  anything else makes me squicky.

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  • CiarraiCiarrai
    Technically, kids in the wedding party are supposed to be exempt from the "no kids" rule of some wedding receptions.  That said, my girls were FGs in January and were not invited to the reception.  The bride was sweet enough to provide a sitter for them, though, and let them stay for the first dance because they were so excited about it.  I've worked a few of weddings where no kids (including the FG/RB) were invited to the reception, but most "no kid" weddings also don't have FG or RB for that reason.  Can you have your DH just ask your BIL straight out?  Easier to ask now than be surprised later.
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  • cristianacristiana member

    That would be really rude if they weren't invited. We had a no kids wedding, but the kids in the wedding party were allowed.

     

    ETA: I should have just dittoed E, since I said the exact same thing. ;) 

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  • EMTEMT member

    imageeclaires:

    FWIW, my brother had no kids, but Jackson and my cousin's daughter were in the wedding.  They were the only kids at the reception.

    I would be really REALLY surprised if this is not the case but weddings make seemingly normal people do weird things all the time so I was second guessing  (especially those that are paying for it themselves) .

    And, phew, that is what I told DH to say. ;) Just address the envelope to whoever is invited.

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  • eclaireseclaires member

    ::high fives:: xti!

    We are awesomely proper, clearly.

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  • cristianacristiana member
    Of course! But now I'm a little worried. You mean you didn't write a disclaimer at the bottom of your invites saying that guests would be carded at the door? Oopsies!
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  • littlemermaidlittlemermaid member
    If the children are in the wedding party then they should be invited to the reception.  Otherwise all pictures that are taken after the ceremony won't have the kids in it.  It would also be the rudest behavior I have ever heard of.   Use someone's adorable children for the ceremony but they can't come to the reception.  Tacky!!!  I could understand if the parents of these children would want a sitter for them to go to after the dinner but they should at least be able to eat.   At my wedding the only children that were invited were my husband's siblings' children. 
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  • 4Speedy4Speedy member
    I think it would be terribly rude of your brother not to invite all members of the wedding party (including the kids) to the reception.  I think it's actually more than rude, considering you are traveling to get to the wedding.  I can't imagine he would ask you to fly your kids all that way just so he can have a pretty picture moment and then expect you to dump them somewhere in a strange place so that the kids who are fine for looking pretty in the photos won't have to be heard at the reception.  The saying "kids should be seen and not heard" does not apply here.
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  • Jodi&JoeJodi&Joe

    Uh oh -- I'm clearly not proper!  :)

    I address the invites according to E's standards (did not put and X family on them) and also put on the invite "Please join us for an adults only reception..." blah blah blah.  Something like that.  I know it specifically said "adults only" because, as we all learned in Nest Land, some mommies just DON'T GET IT and insist on bringing little Johnny even though his name isn't listed on the invite.  After all, gasp, why wouldn't we want their precious little one there!  We MUST be mistaken!  LOL

    At any rate, I had my niece and nephew as fg/rb and they were invited to the reception.  The plan was to have a sitter pick them up after we ate dinner (since it would have been about 8:00 at that point) but my sisters actually had the sitter come at 7 so we wrapped up the kids dinners to go (they were there for introduction) and they left.  It was THEIR choice to get a sitter though -- they could have stayed for the whole thing if they wanted them to.

    If they are in the wedding party, they should be invited to the reception.  For sure!

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