XP - Another question for moms of 2 or more

Meggie1129 · May 2011

XP - Ok, if you can't tell my mind is totally racing today, I truly blame it on the pregnancy hormones and my DH being out of town for a week, I am at the end of my rope right now. DS still naps right now, and I feel I have it pretty good. Between naptime and an 8:15 or so bedtime, I feel I have a good amount of time to not only get a decent amount done around the house, etc., but also to sit and read for an hour, hop on the treadmill, etc. Believe me when I say that I am a MUCH better mother when I get that downtime to myself, to relax a bit. Now I am afraid that when this new baby comes, that is totally going to go out of the window, I am going to be 24/7 mommy, and have a nervous breakdown.

I don't want to make it sound like having another child was unexpected or unwanted. Believe me, after almost a year of fertility treatments and many thousands of dollars, this baby is wanted. I guess I am just freaking out about things changing so much. I know I shouldn't take it for granted that I get a break to do the things I enjoy, but they really do make me a much less crabby, frazzled mommy who enjoys being with my kid. Any advice or tips on getting that when you have two or more kids?

lite-bright · May 2011

It's a lot harder. Having two has taken a toll on me that just one did not, because I was able to get that downtime during the day. And even more, when DD1 was a baby and had a rough night, I could nap the next day when she did -- not any more. DD1 does not nap and has not for a long time. The sleep deprivation has been awful, and I think it's part of the reason I had PPD this time around.

It's one of the reasons that we may stop at two kids. :P I'm not sure I can handle another baby's-first-year without losing my marbles.

Sometimes if I'm desperate, we do some on-demand kids show for 30 minutes or I put on a movie. Also, we've really had to schedule me taking time out for myself. Like, paying for a class or something. Otherwise I'm so exhausted at the end of the day that I just end up vegging out in front of my computer, and that doesn't really do a lot for me in terms of feeling like quality personal time. DH is fine with taking on the girls, it's just a question of dragging myself out of the house when I finally get a few quiet moments to myself.

But if we pay for something, I go. That's my suggestion -- schedule yourself downtime, and put your older child in a class that they can attend by themselves so that you get some time during the day with just one child (which feels like a breeze now, LOL!).

howleyshell · May 2011

Meggie1129:
Any advice or tips on getting that when you have two or more kids?

Frankly?

You just won't for a few months with the new baby unless you physically leave the house and leave them with DH or someone else.

For me just going to Target to shop by myself became a treat.

You'll find your groove and figure out how to get them on the same nap schedule and things will get easier.

And you'll find a new peace in simple things like middle of the night feedings when it's just you and the baby and a quiet house.

I did a lot of reading while nursing overnight and that was my "me" time.

I won't lie. It's tough. But in the grand scheme of things it's a relatively short time.

Then before you know it they're playing with each other and you've got even more free time that you had with just one!

GL!

Pesky · May 2011

I agree with pps. First you need to schedule the downtime. Second, in the beginning, that downtime only happens if you are physically not present (i.e. leave the house). The first few months are the roughest because the kids will be opposing schedules so just when the baby goes down for a late nap, you need to get DS down for bed, then get the baby down for the night. You can see where that will suck. But it doesn't last long. As the baby gets into a groove and starts sleeping in larger chunks, odds are good the bedtime will move back and you will have time again after your oldest goes to sleep. FWIW, even if your DS gives up napping, keep "quiet time" so that he has to spend 1-2 hours in his room playing quietly. That'll help you with time and also help with the baby's napping too.

franciscaz · May 2011

I had 3 in 2 yrs. I really thought by the time they turned one I would be comitted into a mental hospital but honestly I'm doing okay. They are headed towards two and I don't have grey hairs yet Wink Don't get me wrong, it is hard but it is also doable!

I think for me the thing that has saved me most has been making time for me and making time for us (dh and I). We make regular dates. I get some me time daily. I try to remember that I can't do everything. Today when my husband came home from work and there was chalk on the new wood floors, diapers on the couch, dishes in the sink that were 2 days old, and I was on the phone for work. It wasn't ideal but the kids all had clean diapers, were well fed, and very loved. I think letting my type A personality go a little has been key to my sanity.

Also don't hesitate to ask for help. Summer is coming so there will be middle school or high school kids looking for a little extra money. Hire a neighbor kid to do some dishes or play w/your oldest so you can chill a little.

Another thing that might help is have your oldest when your youngest is napping watch a movie. I'm not big on tot tv but if it saves your sanity, who cares? Also consider an afternoon pre-k that will correspond with your youngest's nap.

GL! I remember it was scary. I think sometimes we don't know how we are going to do it until one day you are just doing it.

jlw2505 · May 2011

My kids are 21 months apart and I work full time so I totally understand where you are coming from. Trust me when I say that your life will change and the 1st 3 months or so will not be easy. I found that at around 3 months, the baby starts to get some sort of routine going and sleeping longer at night, more predicable nap times, etc. Just get yourself through those 1st couple months and then juggle things around where you can to give yourself those needed breaks during the day. If you really feel like you still need some down time once you are actually at that point, you could always try and hire a Mother's Helper to come into your house for a an hour or 2 during the day a few times a week.

RHitch · May 2011

I literally cried reading the comments in this post. I am so tired and these past 4 months have completely drained me. Everyone keep telling me it will get better, but at this point, I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. My son is 4 months old today and still wakes up every 3 hours for feedings (around the clock). DD will be 3 in July and she needs attention at all times. Top that off with a 40 hour work week and I am at my breaking point. Everyone tells me I look great and they can't tell I am exhausted, but I definitely am. You ladies give me hope. Thanks so much!!!

lite-bright · May 2011

RHitch:
I literally cried reading the comments in this post. I am so tired and these past 4 months have completely drained me. Everyone keep telling me it will get better, but at this point, I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. My son is 4 months old today and still wakes up every 3 hours for feedings (around the clock). DD will be 3 in July and she needs attention at all times. Top that off with a 40 hour work week and I am at my breaking point. Everyone tells me I look great and they can't tell I am exhausted, but I definitely am. You ladies give me hope. Thanks so much!!!

Oh, man, I know how that feels. It's been months and months since I've had more than 3-4 hours at a stretch, and between DD1 having nightmares and DD2 teething, I'm still up at least once a night and usually more.

I swore I would do sleep-training earlier with my second, but then I had supply issues and minor issues with DD2's weight gain, so I was afraid to stop feeding her at night. I would have semi-regular sobbing fits because I was so exhausted, and I felt like a crappy mom a fair fraction of the time.

It got better, the closer we got to a year. Now most days are more or less fun.

Hang in there, mama!

flyingsaucer · May 2011

The thing that you have to remember is that newborns are not like older kids! They can't move around the house on their own! I forgot all about this fabulous newborn stage before having DC#2! When your older child naps, you can always put the little one in a swing or bouncer or activity mat and read, shower, run on your treadmill, etc. I did not realize how easy newborns were until I had a toddler to compare her to! The first couple of months are hectic, but newborns usually sleep A LOT, so you will have time to spend with your first child as well as some time for yourself. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and both kids nap for a bog part of the afternoon and both kids are asleep by 8 or 8:30pm. Yes, it is an adjustment, but it is not as crazy as I thought it would be. The hardest time of day for me was the morning was DH first went back to work. It was tough to get everyone fed, dressed, etc... I am wondering what it will be like when the baby starts crawling and I have 2 kids on the move! GL!

KristinKD · May 2011

There is an adjustment period, and it can vary, but just as you must have done after your DS was born, you'll find a new routine that works for you.

You will most likely get moments to yourself here and there -- when they're both napping, or when your DH, say, offers to take them for a walk -- but unfortunately they won't happen every day. I tell you, the days I can sit and eat my lunch and read the newspaper in peace are glorious, but more often I can't do it without one of them trying to steal my food or asking me to get something for them after I just sat down which makes me just want to scream, "Leave me alone!" lol. Just as glorious are the days when I can run errands alone while DH or one of the grandmoms are home with the girls; second to that are the two mornings a week when I squeeze in my errands while DD1 is in school, because it's so much easier only having to wrangle one kid. Too bad I only have two more mornings to take advantage of before school's out for summer!

For me, getting that time alone has been harder as a result of having my second kid, but not necessarily two kids. DD1 plays so well by herself that if I can usually get done what I need to get done even if she's awake, and if I'm really desperate, I can turn on a cartoon for her. DD2, meanwhile, has needed more attention and has been much more of a mama's girl (especially for the first ten months), so that if she's awake, I really can't get much done. As she's gotten older, she's gotten better about playing on her own or with DD1, but most of the time she still wants me right there with her. DH would often offer to take DD1 to the playground or out running errands so I could get things done, and I'd constantly have to remind him that DD1 wasn't the problem -- DD2 was! Fortunately DD2 has warmed up to DH a lot more, and she loves being outside, so while he still hasn't gotten used to taking them both out running errands, he can at least take them for a walk or to the playground.

Because DD2 needed so much attention, for the first year I had to wake up before both of them in order to get my workout in. Now, though, DD2 is happy playing with DD1 while I workout -- we have a gym in our basement blocked off from their play area with a gate -- so I'm able to sleep in if I really need it, though I do prefer having my time alone on the treadmill even though it means I have to get up earlier.

Another issue we're dealing with now is that our lives pretty much revolve around naptimes. DD2 is taking two naps a day, and DD1's nap falls right in between, so it sometimes limits what we can do. Often we end up just skipping DD1's nap, which is just as well because it means she'll go to bed earlier and/or without much resistance. It would be nice to have them both napping at the same time, but since DD2's naptimes are the only times I can really get things done, I'm in no rush to cut one out.

Having two kids takes some adjustment, and often some aggravation, but you figure out how to make it work because, well, it's just what you have to do. But along with the occasional nervous breakdowns comes much more joy. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see my two girls playing together, and I'm willing to go through it all again to have at least one more.

Want a personalized experience?

XP - Another question for moms of 2 or more

Re: XP - Another question for moms of 2 or more

Choose Another Board

Search Boards