If you went back to work before becoming SAHM...

MJCF · May 2011

What happened or what did you realize to make you make the decision to stay home? I'm back at work now and go back and forth with working or staying home. Just curious what helped you make your decision.

I'm sure this has been asked a thousand times so if you reply, thanks, I really appreciate it.

MommyMich · May 2011

I was back to work until my DD turned one. Two weeks later I had my DS and got laid off. I didn't find employment very quickly and DH ended up getting a new job that made up for the lost income so I have been at home ever since. I love staying home but definitely play to return to work once my kids start school.

katie052409 · May 2011

I'm back at work now, but plan to quit in Oct when LO#2 is born. Daycare for 2 in my area is almost as much as I make. (And I work in Finance with a Master's degree!) I plan to go back to work when my youngest (possibly a future child(ren) after LO#2) reaches grade school. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

JOEBunny · May 2011

I never actually went back, but only because I took a year leave of absence from my job. I planned to go back, signed up for daycare and continued to assist with my job from home at times, but over time, I realized a couple of things.

1) Every dime I made over and above DH's salary would be taxed at 40-50% between state, federal, and FICA tax, so even though I made a substantial portion of our income, I would not actually add significantly to our lifestyle.

2) DD slept from 7 pm until 7 am, and still does. She would have been in daycare from 7:30am to 6:00pm, leaving only enough time with her to get things done. No time for playing with her during the week.

3) DH got a new job while I was on leave making a substantial amount more, so any monetary benefit I would added would have been for things that I place a low value on (Vacation house, bigger home, when we already have a nice house, really nice cars, private school)

4) We would have had very limited family time on weekends with both of us working which would have added to the stress we already felt with just DH working.

5) DH did much better at his job with me at home to take care of things. (We also have rental property, so that took some of DH's time. I could handle the bulk of that stuff now, though I do not show properties to tenants with the kids, and DH still does that. I now do all the maintenance)

6) DH did not participate much in childcare for a variety of reasons, the largest being that he didn't have time, so all the work would have been on me. This is an important reason. Most of the successful, happy two income families I know have significant division of labor. This was just not possible for us.

Those were my main reasons for changing my mind.

Lola'sDogMom · May 2011

I quit work when DS was 9 months. Working and being a mom/wife was just too overwhelming. I struggled at work with wanting to be with DS. When I was home, I felt like I should be checking work email. I just couldn't balance the two. My DH is also no help with household chores (groceries, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc) so it all fell to me to do all that as well as work 50 hours a week and take care of DS. My life is so much more simple now without working and I'm way less overwhelmed. It was the right decision to stop working and I have not considered going back for even one second.

mabma80 · May 2011

Seriously, the ONLY reason I was working was to get out of the house and have adult interaction. I LOVED DS's daycare (New Horizon) cause he learned so much there! My paycheck was literally paying only for the gas to my car, daycare, and my lunch. That's it. We didn't need the income, it was solely to get me out of the house. I've been working since I was 18 and to quit cold turkey at 26 was a bit much for me.

What finally made me decide to be a sahm, was when I had our second son. The daycare was to much for what I was making, so I officially became a sahm in 2008. Been one ever since.

Once all three boys are in school full time, I'll get a part time job just so I don't go nuts staying home by myself.

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · May 2011

We had issues with two different day cares. The in home one we tried came highly recommended, but she and I had differing opinions on how much crying a 4 month old should do. The center we used I loved, until they started giving ds the wrong bottles. I really wouldn't have freaked if it weren't for the fact that he has a dairy allergy and it was causing heath problems. If it weren't for the bad experiences, I could still be working today. However, my child's health comes before anything else so that is how I ended up here.

wheelsonthebus · May 2011

I got laid off when DS was four months old.

MAprincess · May 2011

I went back to work after DS and then decided to stay home after DD was born. There were a few factors-- the cost of childcare for 2 was insane to me. Also, it was hectic enough getting one out the door to DC and then spending the evening rushing around getting ready for the next day. I wanted more quality time and less rushing around.

Bottom line for me is that I always wanted to SAH and be the one doing the primary child care, so we made it work. I will go back to work at some point, I am sure, but right now I am enjoying the motto "they are only young once":-) I don't regret the decision at all and have never looked back.

penguingrrl · May 2011

Daycare costs in my area are out of line with salaries, so daycare for one would have substantially exceeded my income (by several hundred a month). DH has a flexible schedule, so we tried me working both p/t and f/t around him, but the stress it put on him was too much, so we're working on getting him through graduate school asap and my contribution is that I take care of everything home related so he can work as much as he needs to. It's working far better from us than spreading ourselves thin to have a higher income.

Honestly, I always saw myself staying home when I had kids anyway, so I'm glad it worked out this way. I'm not sure if or when I'll go back.

rachelann · May 2011

I went back to work when DD was 16 weeks. I lasted from May 1 until Sept 1. I found out I was pregnant (whoops) the beginning of June and miscarried in August. I was travelling a lot and I just realized there were more important things in life than money. We cut back where we could and I have been home since.

rab41380 · May 2011

I did, I went back to work until DD was about 15 mos old. I just could not stand being able to be 100% commited to her, my job was taking over my life, including when I was at home, my blackberry was always beeping and I just did not know what to juggle anymore, plus my marriage felt like it was being neglected too. So we made the decision for me to work PT for my parents at their shop on DH days off. This balance has worked great, I have been home almost 2 years now and we are ready to have #2 in July, and I am really excited that he does not have to go to daycare. I can say I will go back to working FT in about 4 years, and I will only be 35 so taking some time off when we are young is not a bad thing at all, plus we get to spend all the time while they are developing...

MrsBalletStar05 · May 2011

I went back to work a month after DS#2 was born, thinking I would be a working mom. It was pretty tough since DS#2 seriously never slept at all, ever and with DH working 3rds, I was the one getting up at night and then going to work the next day. Finances were pretty tight. Daycare for 2 was more than we'd REALLY considered. I felt guilty because I worked 2 evenings and then 3 days and I felt like if I had a more regular schedule, I could help DS#2 sleep better. I worried about when they were older and how that would affect us seeing them when they were in school. I had been stressed about the actual job itself for awhile. Technically, I was on call at all hours and expected to be there if needed - but how was I going to do that with 2 kids, a husband who is not around much and no family to serve as back-up care? But all that was just *stuff*. What really did me in was when our company decided we were to work 10 hour Mondays. The raise I'd received 3 weeks prior would just cover the extra cost of daycare. This also meant the boys would be in daycare for 11 hours, every Monday. That REALLY bothered me. When I did give notice to my boss, I told her it might be different if I had a husband with a different schedule who could help out that day or if I had family here to help. I just didn't like the thought of them being in daycare for that long. Now really, I don't have a problem with daycare - but 11 hours every Monday? Heavily pushing being in daycare 50 hours? Ugh! It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't find anything else that paid similarly with a better schedule, so I quit.

GingerSB · May 2011

I got a one year maternity leave with each of my kids. I decided to become a SAHM when my kids were 2.5 & 4.5 years old. Working with one kid was easy, IMO.

But with two, life just became too hectic. I was not really happy once I went back after #2, and neither was DH. (I was working 4 days/week).

When we had trouble finding care for my older DD for half day kindergarten, we decided that I would stay home for a while. I'll stay home for 3 years until both kids are in school full time.

Pamela05 · May 2011

Daycare issues. We are in a small town and the only decent place in town was using home remedies on my son without my permission and not recording them. And I didn't like my job or need the income so it was more of a why not? It's not a permanent situation for me though. We are moving in a few months and I'll be back to work there as long as we find a care situation that works.

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