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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
The Bump Editors
member
Worst things to say to new moms?
The Bump Editors
member
What's the worst thing to say to a new mom? Some of the ones that take the cake: "When are you due?" or "What a cute little boy..." (to your DAUGHTER!) and so much more...
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Re: Worst things to say to new moms?
If I don't know you, you shouldn't talk to me about nursing. Period.
Ha, ha! This. Seriously!!!!
a nurse once told me i should take a class on how to take care of a baby. i was about 24 hours post partum, very hormonal, and this upset me for days. why didn't she tell my husband to take a class?
also, being told i was being hormonal. i hated that.
Today was the 2nd time a male acquaintance has asked me if I had my baby yet. The one guy I know saw me at 7 months. I may not be back to my normal size yet, but I am no where near that big. I keep reminding myself they are men, and just don't know what else to say, and they realize I had the baby.
I also hate the comments I get about caffeine at work, since I was bf. I thought it was bad when I was pregnant, after having her it was 10x worse.
And I hate the "she looks like she should still have the price tag on" comments.
THIS.
With both my daughters that's all I heard with DD1...and currently with DD2. "She looks just like her big sister (not annoying) and her dad (annoying)!"... umm... her big sister is identical to me...so...no.
This isn't unique to new moms, but all of the "Just wait" comments are supremely annoying. Just let me enjoy this phase of my baby's life, mkay? I'll deal with the "Terrible Twos" when the time comes.
I also hate comments about "spoiling" your newborn by holding them too much. I got that one from my MIL the very day we took our LO home from the hospital.
"Be sure you sleep when she sleeps."
Sure. If I want to go around unshowered, unfed and without a chance to pee for several days in a row. Good tip.
This! And really, what kind of a mommy would I be if I told people he was a bad baby??!!
Also, and I know this is specific to women who have gone through loss and IF:
"Wasn't it all worth it?"
No. No, it really wasn't. The sheer joy I feel now doesn't make it okay that I went through two years of hell. I know what people mean when they say this, but it's still a very tender subject for me (and will most likely always be) and comments like this just aren't appreciated.
Please don't ever say this to someone who has been in that position, okay?
this! My step mom said this to me too about holding DS
She's insane. Enjoy every minute you can while they are this little, it's already going by way too fast. I hold her as much as she will let me, and I can get away with and still accomplish basic things during the day.
You cannot spoil a newborn. Period.
OMG! I know! This just reminded me of when I miscarried last year. People kept saying "Well, it was for the best." SERIOUSLY?! I just lost a baby and this is what you say to me? Ok, that was not at all related to being a new mom, but people are douchenozzles.
OMG! I definitely hate the "she looks just like her daddy" comments... she has his mouth and eyes, and my chin, nose, ears, fingers, toes, and cheeks. But for some reason that stands out to people? Whatever, she's beautiful regardless.
Also, when older people tell me not to pick up my crying/fussing child b/c "she'll never learn to comfort herself" or some bullshiit. Fvck off. I'll comfort my daughter as I please, thanks.
Or when random people say she looks like she wants a bottle, or her paci (which they call a "ninny" and I HATE that!), or wants this/that/the other thing... they have no idea what she wants! Blah.
I know this isn't the same, but I had a traumatic birth, and I am sick of hearing, at least your baby is healthy.
I hate any comment from parents that implies because THEIR child did something, mine will be the exact same way. For instance, we know a couple whose daughter will not let the dad change her diapers(she is 2 1/2). Because we also have a girl, we have been told by them to "just wait until she is potty training. She won't want her daddy changing her."
I effin hate "just wait" comments. Also, I was told 3 weeks PP that I "didn't look that haggard for just having a baby." Gee, thanks.
"You think you're tired NOW, you still have MONTHS of sleepless nights ahead of you"
that makes me want to hit them in the face!
DH and I got pregnant with our newest daughter (Isla) just 6 months after we had Emma. We were already talking about trying for our last baby but had originally planned to wait a year. So when my co-workers found out I was expecting again the comments flew "Don't you two have a tv?" "Don't you know what causes that?"
Then when I was showing "Are you suuuure it's only one in there?" "Wow, you got big really fast." I only gained 13-14 lbs with both girls and lost it almost immediately.
When the baby was born I got some texts from the office "Are you gonna get fixed NOW?" "When are you getting pregnant again?" "Do you need us to buy you guys a tv?"
I had my tubes tied immediately after my c-section with Isla. DH and I love babies but we can't afford to keep having more and I don't always have help with the little ones at home now. I'm thankful for the family we have, all healthy babies....just not so thankful for the comments that come out of people's mouths.
Forgot this gem. I had brought Isla to meet my coworkers while I was on maternity leave. I believe Isla was a month old then. One of my co-workers was holding her and a co-irker came in gasping "You just shat that baby out of your twat and now you have her around all these black people?" I was livid. I had never cared about the color of my colleague's skin as a determination of whether or not she was good enough to hold my child. Co-irker, on the other hand, can always be counted on to ruin a perfect moment.
Co-irker then tells my colleague "See? You're getting attached to it. Give that thing back to its mother." Nice, she's referring to my preemie like a dog. I smiled at my colleague, took Isla gently from her and left the room. I had never been so ashamed in my life.
I am not a fan of "it will go by so fast". It probably will, but may I please enjoy this moment before you put her in college for me?
A co-irker also said (after the email that I had the baby) "didn't you buy one of those bands to shrink your hips in the hospital? I didn't even know you had the baby...I can't tell" She was 3 weeks early and I had only put on 15 lbs...suck it
all of this
I've had a few people say "what is it?" or "what did you name it?"
well jackass "it" is a person like yourself, and i'm dam sure my "it" will grow up educated in english and have a filter not to call people it!
clearly i'm polite and dont say that but that does bug me a little even though they mean well.
Oh another thing that people say to those who have experienced a loss, " You must be enjoying every minute that she is home, considering what you went through before."
Well what if I'm not. I had some depression issues because I put so much pressure on myself to " enjoy every minute." When I was sleep deprived, hungry, sore, and smelly I wasn't particularily enjoying every minute and had an incredible amount of guilt because of it. Once I decided to ignore those comments and just let myself be aggravated, upset, sad, tired, and frustrated and you know, just be a normal mom of a newborn and not a sally sunshine; I started to feel better.
THIS! It's the first thing out of everyones mouth. And then it's usually followed with, wow all that work and you get no credit, that must suck. WTH!
For sure. I think there is a lot of pressure on women who had TTTC or were TTCAL, that we put on ourselves, to never complain about how hard it is to be a new mom.
It is hard. It doesn't mean you don't feel unbelievably blessed and lucky, and realize how many women would love to be overwhlemed and exhausted like you are. But that doesn't make it less difficult, especially in those first few weeks.
I'm glad you are doing better!
This. Especially confusing since I can see he has my face shape, chin, lips, ears! All they focus on is daddy.
Make a pregnancy ticker
This!
Yes it did get better but only once I gave myself permission to get frustrated. I realized that no matter what I had gone through before, having a newborn is hard. I felt so incredibly lucky to have a healthy baby, but it was still hard and I too was allowed to cry, vent and ask for breaks.