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Melnat2007
member
When is it "Too Late" to have another baby?
Melnat2007
member
DD is 2.5. I have no desire at this moment to have another baby anytime soon. I don't get the "Oh My God, I want one" when I see a newborn baby like I did before DD. I like babies, alot. I just don't really want another one right now and honestly Im not sure if I will.
I have probably a dozen girlfriends that have kids close in age, like within 2 years. Every single one has said they wish they would have waited a bit longer. Its hard. I can see how hard, and I know myself well enough to know I cant handle that.
Here's the thing, I always thought I would have more. I wanted 2 or 3. But I am not feeling it, and this terrifies me. Why the hell don't I want another baby yet? Something is stopping me, and I don't know what. I feel like if we had another one, it wouldn't be for the right reasons. It would be for DD. It breaks my heart to think of her growing up alone.
I love DD more than words could say, I thoroughly enjoy being a mom. I cherish it so much. I know how lucky I am. I don't know why im so hesitant.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I selfish? What the hell is wrong with me??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: When is it "Too Late" to have another baby?
Okay, so first off, there is nothing wrong with only wanting one child. To each their own. So, if you decide that one is the right number for you, then dont stress. Your DD will have lots of friends in school! I have brothers and sisters but they are years older then me so I basically grew up alone. I never felt bad about it at all! I came up with some very inventive games to play by myself and learned to be a lover of reading!
Having said this, give yourself time. My two oldest DS's are two years and five months apart and I like the difference in age. Just enough that I didnt feel like I had two babies,but they can still play together. We are trying for our third and final and if I get pregnant soon there will be a 6 and 4 year gap between my sons and my final baby. Perhaps, once your daughter is a bit older you will begin to feel different, but if not thats okay too! Your daughter will be fine either way, I promise!
When is it too late? Menopause.
At this point, DH and I are not planning to have any more kids. We thought we would have 2 children but after we had DD, I had no desire to have another one. DH is also onboard with stopping at one. We haven't gone to permanent birth control yet, just in case we change our minds, but at some point - probably when DD is around 5 or 6 - DH will go for a vasectomy. If I don't want another child now, I really don't want a surprise baby in my 40s! (We'll both be 39 when DD turns 6.) We're not interested in raising two "only children" by having another child many years after the first.
If you're really not feeling like you want or are capable of raising another child, then don't have one. The only really good reason to have another child, IMO, is because you feel your life won't be complete without him/her. Children don't need siblings to have happy lives.
I have been struggling with this for the past 8 months. We were TTC and it was taking a while (which is fine), but in the past few cycles I noticed that I was just really not into it. In the past month DH and I have decided to take a break from trying and figure out if we really want another child or if we are doing it because we think that is what we thought we would always want.
It is hard because if we do decide to have another it will be much further down the road than we planned, but that is just life.
I found taking a break from the bump in general helped me clear my head a bit...it is hard to make a decision like this one when you are "surrounded" by folks getting pregnant, having kids close in age, etc.
BTW- I also LOVE babies. LOVE THEM. However, I have begun to realize that that does not = want to have a ton of them. It can be a hard distinction to make when you are in your child bearing years and surrounded by them.
I really wanted to have a second. I initially only wanted one child. Once DD was 2, I really wanted another. Now that DS is 2, I mildly want another, but I think it is too late for us. DH is 45, I am 38, we don't have the energy for a 3rd child right now. I don't see us getting it anytime soon. DH is done. He is moving more toward dreams of retirement, not diapers. My mild desire for a 3rd is not great enough to supplant DH's desire for the return of a calm house. It is sort of a natural evolution for us.
I think you still have plenty of time to decide. I think if I had waited until DD was 2.5 to get pregnant, I would have waited longer. In retrospect, if I had known how easy it would be for us to get pregnant, I would have waited another year.
THIS!!
I agree with every word of this (except the age).
I never got the "oh my god, I want a baby" feeling. Obviously I didnt have much time to, since I was pregnant by the time DS was 4.5 months old. lol! I don't really like the baby stage admittedly. It was one of the reasons (among a million others) that we had kids close. I guess I'm one of the rare ones who doesnt think it's that much harder and I'm glad I didnt wait any longer.
I don't think you're selfish at all for not wanting another, or spacing them apart further. There are certainly benefits to having them further apart (or only having 1). My SIL is having her second anyday now, and her DD is 5. It's nice in a way to have "alone" time with each child. I don't think children are deprived if they don't have a sibling close in age. It will change the dynamic of their relationship, but not in a negative way. No matter what you do, it's a crapshoot. Your child may hate growing up an only child, or she may love it too. My kids might hate growing up close, or they'll love it. No matter what you decide, you're taking your chances.
I'd just analyze the reason why you don't want another child. Is it because you're scared it will be difficult, or because you think life will be better for your whole family with only one child? Before DD, I was dreading being pregnant and taking care of a newborn again. Now that she's here, I am very glad that she is and that I chose to have them close together, even though after DS was born I wanted to deviate from our original plan to have them close.
My siblings and I are spaced out pretty far and we survived just fine (over 5 years between us). That said, mine are 27 months apart and I think it is SUCH a perfect distance. I couldn't have planned it any better for us. THAT said, I always thought I was going to have 3 children and now I can't decide if that is the case or not. So, if we do have a third, that child will be farther from #2 than 1 and 2 are from eachother. Right now I need to figure out if I want a third because I always thought there would be 3 or because I actually WANT three, you know?
If you aren't "feeling" a second child right now (or ever) maybe that is just how it is. Try not to stress about it. For #2, we weren't feeling the need for a second up until the month we started trying (and we got pregnant immediately). But, if another child is in the cards for you, you'll get that feeling and act accordingly.
DD1, Kathleen 9/15/2007
Absolutely agree!
Everyone here knows of my "fears" of not wanting another baby for the past three years... I was actually pretty certain, and at peace with Emily being an only child. I felt exactly as you are feeling now, even with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS were having their 2nd and some their 3rd child! I knew I loved our life as it was and I just honestly wasn't ready for sleepless nights, diapers, nap schedules, teething and the rest.
Until Emily turned 4 years old and life really got easy!
DH and I both just sort of woke up one day and found that we had been talking about having another baby for a few weeks. And bam! While on birth control (we were planning on TTC after the Christmas vacation we were taking) in September I got pregnant. It was meant to be and we are thrilled!
Not a doubt. So excited. And there are too many pros to even begin to list here, about Emily being much older (she'll be 4 3/4yrs old when this baby is born).
Very best of luck to you! Take your time!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11