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I need advice...

naturelle25naturelle25 member
in Stay at Home Moms
I am a part of a meetup playgroup and one of the mom's who I only briefly met once lost her daughter on Easter. She had some pretty major heart and lung problems and died after she had a seizure. All the moms in the group made food and the organizer brought it to her, so I havent seen her yet. We are having a meetup at our house in a couple of weeks and Im kind of nervous, because she is coming with her son and I dont really know what to say. I just dont want to say the "wrong" thing and I want her to feel comfortable. What do you even say to a mother who has lost her child?
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Re: I need advice...

  • Liz342Liz342 member

    I would probably just say something like - I've been thinking of/praying for you.

    Those situations make me really nervous too. 

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  • Stacyc625Stacyc625 member

    honestly- in situations like that there really isn't much to say.

    I would just feel out the situation when she gets there and follow the lead.

    I would be mindful of not complaining/commenting on anything you are dealing with that is rough ~ teething, tantrums, any night time waking etc. (could be perceive well at least your child is still alive to teethe etc)

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  • Temp174496125006552Temp174496125006552 member

    Wow.  That is so sad.

    I would tell her that you are very sorry to hear about her daughter's passing.  I think it's important to acknowlege what happened, but not push the issue and make her feel like she has to talk about it.  I'm sure that she's done plenty of that already and if she feels the need to discuss it, I'm sure she'll bring it up. 

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  • Squirrel29Squirrel29 member
    I think you need to acknowledge her loss and tell her that she and her family are in your prayers...that sort of thing.  What I can tell you from an experience with a friend of mine who lost her son is that it is very important that you acknowledge her loss.  My friend was astounded at how many people refused to come out and acknowledge the fact that she had lost her child and it really hurt her.  Oh, and don't say that the child is in a better place or now the mom has a guardian angel - those things really pissed my friend off because all she could think was that she didn't care, she wanted her son here with her.
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  • bigmammaBbigmammaB

    My best friend in the world lost her son at three---it is a loss that just never goes away.

    But, the biggest thingis NOT to worry--if you are sorry for her loss, say so.  And more strangley don't avoid talking about the child that passed away.  That is worse on the parent.

    good luck--it is such a tough situattion, but i have talked at length about it and the most important thing is to not forget the child they lost :)

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  • ilovelifeilovelife member
    I wouldn't bring anything up about the subject unless she does. Those are some sticky situations. : (
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  • Mrs.HizzoMrs.Hizzo member

    imageilovelife:
    I wouldn't bring anything up about the subject unless she does. Those are some sticky situations. : (

    I can't agree with this. I think it's very, very important that you take the initiative and seek her out to tell her how sorry you are for her loss, and that she's been very much in your thoughts. I can't imagine losing a child and having someone not acknowledge it, when I knew they knew.  

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  • MommyMichMommyMich

    imageSquirrel29:
    I think you need to acknowledge her loss and tell her that she and her family are in your prayers...that sort of thing.  What I can tell you from an experience with a friend of mine who lost her son is that it is very important that you acknowledge her loss.  My friend was astounded at how many people refused to come out and acknowledge the fact that she had lost her child and it really hurt her.  Oh, and don't say that the child is in a better place or now the mom has a guardian angel - those things really pissed my friend off because all she could think was that she didn't care, she wanted her son here with her.

    This.  I lost twins and I HATED hearing this.  What place is better than here, alive?  I am not religious, so this sentiment does not make any sense to me.  I would acknowledge her loss and give her a hug.  Even if you don't know her that well, it goes a long way to show you care.

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