3rd week at work..beyond sick of my MIL

mrs.ptb · May 2011

What is wrong with people?!?!?!?! I work a 6 hour day. from home. If anyone has any questions, they can certainly ask...but trying to explain how breastfeeding and pumping works to my MIL should not be necessary. I am so sick of the solution of a bottle every time he cries!!! He is not ALWAYS hungry!

I have a conference call from 5-6 on Tuesdays. I feed him around 4 or 4:30 so that he doesn't need a bottle while I am on the call. At 5:15 he apparently cried, so she gave him a 4oz bottle! Our entire bedtime routine (cluster feeding from 6-9 and then sleeping until at least 2am) was DESTROYED. I tried to explain that I would have to pump again since he had another bottle and she just did not comprehend.

By 7pm he was falling asleep. I took him up and let him nurse around 7:30. He only ate for 5 minutes. It still took an hour+ to put him down because while he was exhausted, he didn't have the comforting of nursing a couple times. He slept for less than two hours, then I had to hold him for 30 minutes to get him to settle again, then he only slept for about an hour and a half before he was screaming.

We're trying to transition him to the crib. when he woke up at 12:30, she got him right away and took him into the bright hallway to try and settle him. I didn't even have a chance to hear him on the monitor....so I didn't wake up until she was outside our bedroom door with my screaming baby. "I thought I could just settle him" NO! It's been 7 hours since he had a real feeding thanks to you. He is HUNGRY!

YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH! GRRRRRRRR

vent over...for now. She'll be here next Tuesday and Wednesday...I am sure I will have a new story by then.

sweetpea2718 · May 2011

I don't think some people realize that when you pump a bottle, it's for a specific time/ schedule. You can just pump on demand especially if you're feeding from a bottle & breast! My MIL gave LO a bottle when we were visiting because she wanted me to be able to "sleep in". Nice thought, but my boobs were hurting, I was listing to LO cry and she used up the bottle that was supposed to be for the plane ride home. Sometimes I just wish people would ask before assuming they can go ahead and use the stored milk.

mrsbmw09 · May 2011

If I were in your shoes I would figure out some way you could work without needing her. Sounds like she's more trouble than help. Can you find someone else to keep LO while you work? Even if you have to pay them a little, it's worth your sanity.

mrs.ptb · May 2011

Oh man, if she would have given him a bottle again at 12:30 when he woke up I would have completely flipped. I tried to remain calm when explaining to her that I needed to pump every time he got a bottle...but I don't think I would have dealt with two extra bottles so close together so well.

It's much harder to explain to her too because she just sees what is in the fridge. I have an oversupply right now, so there is plenty available. But If he gets a 4oz bottle before he is about to cluster feed for a couple of hours, it throws off what my body is expecting. She just didn't understand that. I like to think I have the oversupply because I have been so vigilant about the pumping. I don't want to have to explain the intricacies of...my supply could go down if I don't pump, if I get sick, if I get my period, etc. I shouldn't have to explain all that to her. He doesn't need a bottle an hour after nursing!

And her response was, "well, he would have taken more if I heated another bottle for him"

THAT'S NOT HUNGER. THAT IS A SUCKING DESIRE!!!!!!!!!! She would not hear me saying anything about a breastfed baby only eats a certain amount. He certainly doesn't need 16oz from bottles in a 6.5 hour time frame.

And yeah...the thinking they are helping without asking - that is my favorite. Does no one realize I can't sleep through him crying anyway? It is physically impossible for my body to ignore the hunger cries of my baby?

mrs.ptb · May 2011

mrsbmw09:
If I were in your shoes I would figure out some way you could work without needing her. Sounds like she's more trouble than help. Can you find someone else to keep LO while you work? Even if you have to pay them a little, it's worth your sanity.

Right now I don't make enough to pay anyone. Unfortunately, it is just the way it is right now. We are starting to look into some nannies for the fall (we aren't expecting free help to last forever), And I am hoping to renegotiate my contract to be 4 longer days so I can go one day without a caregiver.

She is still my MIL and compared to most, she is actually not the worst in the world. She is just completely clueless and doesn't listen. She has the selective hearing of a man when it comes to me. My husband came home last night and worked into his conversations with her throughout the night random bits about breastfeeding and why it screwed up his bedtime routine, etc. She listens to him.

sweetpea2718 · May 2011

I completely understand. When we got off the plane to visit, I was about to explode (5 hours without feeding/ pumping in the morning will do that to you). I pumped two full 5 oz bottles. Yes, I have a good supply, but I was hoping to save one of those bottles for the flight home so I didnt' have to spend time pumping at their house. Oh well. I found she used formula so maybe that's why she doesn't understand. I at least was just visiting. Maybe you should let her know that when you're not working, you're on feeding duty. Period.

mrs.ptb · May 2011

sweetpea2718:
I completely understand. When we got off the plane to visit, I was about to explode (5 hours without feeding/ pumping in the morning will do that to you). I pumped two full 5 oz bottles. Yes, I have a good supply, but I was hoping to save one of those bottles for the flight home so I didnt' have to spend time pumping at their house. Oh well. I found she used formula so maybe that's why she doesn't understand. I at least was just visiting. Maybe you should let her know that when you're not working, you're on feeding duty. Period.

Damn FFers of the past! They just don't understand

We're transitioning to if he acts hungry and I am going to be available within an hour, just give him an ounce. That was what got me the "he would have taken more than 4oz". Yeah, well I don't care. An ounce will hold him over and we won't break out of our routine as much.

I would HATE to have to pump at someone else's house. Although, depending on what our plans are, I am a big fan of pumping while we drive somewhere

Phillychickadee · May 2011

While I completely understand your frustration, I would try to give your MIL the benefit of the doubt, and just be appreciative she is helping out for free!

I will feed DS right before I run an errand in the evening, only to find that DH gives her a bottle right afterward b/c she is fussing and he can't settle her. Sometimes it is a lot easier for moms to settle their kids b/c we spend so much time with them and know all the little quirks and preferences. And just being around me and my scent settles DS and DH just can't compete.

I know DH tries other things and if nothing works, he tries the bottle. If the bottle works and DS isn't screaming for an hour while I am gone, then I will gladly pump extra or have a night of messed up sleep.

The next time you are frustrated, just try to see it from her perspective a bit.

mrs.ptb · May 2011

Phillychickadee:
While I completely understand your frustration, I would try to give your MIL the benefit of the doubt, and just be appreciative she is helping out for free!
I will feed DS right before I run an errand in the evening, only to find that DH gives her a bottle right afterward b/c she is fussing and he can't settle her. Sometimes it is a lot easier for moms to settle their kids b/c we spend so much time with them and know all the little quirks and preferences. And just being around me and my scent settles DS and DH just can't compete.
I know DH tries other things and if nothing works, he tries the bottle. If the bottle works and DS isn't screaming for an hour while I am gone, then I will gladly pump extra or have a night of messed up sleep.
The next time you are frustrated, just try to see it from her perspective a bit.

I did try to give her the benefit of the doubt...but I work from home...and when I peek downstairs and see that he is basically just sitting in his bounce seat while she balances her checkbook and watches her shows... yeah - he isn't hungry... even picking him up and walking into the kitchen will calm him. You can't expect him to just sit still all day.

Overall I am more frustrated that she doesn't listen to what I have to say AT ALL. It has to come from my husband if it is going to sink in. And even then, she only takes about half of what he says.

Phillychickadee · May 2011

I work from home, too. I have to watch my own kid while I work, or pay someone.

If I were getting free help with my child, they could feed the kid as many bottles as they want.

You just have to accept that this is how she rolls and deal with it, or find someone else.

TXmum · May 2011

I just wish I could explain the concept of cluster feeding to my MIL. She' with us three weeks (halfway through - whew!) and is convinced I've spoiled him for life by feeding him over and over in the afternoon. That's just how it is. I keep trying to explain to her this (demand feeding) is what we're supposed to be doing to help his reflux and slow weight gain, but it goes in one ear and out the other and she reads me parts of emails from her daughter about this schedule nazi book or another so god knows what she's telling her about what she sees here. We were on a schedule, OUR schedule, until she came, and now LO does nothing but scream all day, won't take a nap (my fault for not teaching him that too) and has basically digressed at least four weeks of progress we had made. I wish MILs would just go away!!!

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