I hired a mother's helper and need advice

SnowflakeBride06 · May 2011

Isabel is almost 8 months old and has only had a babysitter (family only) 3-4x in her life.

I am working on my dissertation and just can't get enough done after she goes to bed so I hired a neighbor girl to watch her while I work in our home office.

I hired her for 3h/day 2 days a week. Not a huge deal and will pay her $8hr.

Is that reasonable?

I am worried how Isabel will be, she's kind of a high needs baby and is starting the whole sep. anxiety thing.

Is it better for me to act like I am not there and just go in the office and shut the door and hope that Isabel is ok?

How do I not run out and rescue her if she cries?

Oh I feel like such a wimp but I love my baby girl!

walkernewton0704 · May 2011

If they are going to be in one room or area like a playroom then maybe you could use a video monitor, that way if she is crying you can see what is wrong and if she isn't hurt you can keep working.

If you always run out to rescue her she will always expect that and it will probably be harder to break her from it for preschool or kindergarten.

naturelle25 · May 2011

Yeah, I wouldnt come out either. She will get over it and get used to your babysitter...she just needs time. It will be hard to have to sit and listen to her cry which is why I would probably get some headphones, otherwise you wont get any work done.

laney75 · May 2011

I would treat that time like you are going to work. Once the sitter gets settled, say goodbye to Isabel and go into your office to work. As someone else suggested, play music or wear headphones. A monitor could also work too if you want to have visibility into what is happening with the baby. The sitter needs to learn how to deal with a fussy/high-maintenance baby, so it is what it is. If there is really a problem, you can obviously come out to assist, but in general I think you should stay in your office so Isabel learns that the sitter is in charger now. Also, when you're done working you'll return and she will see that everything is alright. The separation anxiety phase is tough but you and baby will get through it.

And my 2 cents, a little crying is ok! Coach your sitter on what to do ahead of time since you know it will happen and if you trust her, feel confident that she will handle it. It may take several days but you all will get into a routine. She will learn how to distract and sooth Isabel and you will be able to get work done.

Temp994124375009771 · May 2011

If I were you I would leave the house. Go to the library, bookstore, coffee shop etc. You will get more done even with the commute time.

erstwhile+maven · May 2011

I am a WAHM with a nanny. An hourly rate of $8 is definitely fair in my area for a mothers helper. I highly recommend going to work and staying shut away for all three hours. If you were going to be working longer I'd suggest playing at lunch or during a break. Keeping yourself out of view is the easiest way to avoid flare ups of separation anxiety, making for a more productive time for you and for a more fun experience for DD and her nanny. Further, do a practice visit or two while both you and the nanny are in the same room for awhile so that DD learns to trust her and also discovers how much fun they can have together.

If I want to be nosy I'll work with the door open so I can hear everything (but not be seen). It can be hard to avoid running to DS every cry but its usually nothing, definitely wait a couple of seconds or minutes to judge the cry and see if its been resolved. If your nanny is young she'll likely come to you if its anything of a problem, anyway.

EnglishMajor03 · May 2011

I have no advice but just noticed you're from NH. Crappy weather huh? Hope the coast isn't as gloomy

rubber_chicken · May 2011

i babysat and nannied through highschool and college. yes, separation anxiety sucks, but i never had a kid be upset for more than 5-10 minutes after their parents left. a good sitter knows how to distract a kid. usually the worst times were when the parents dragged out their leaving, with the kid just getting more and more anxious. it's best to get it over with quickly, like pulling off a bandaid. so i would suggest you hide yourself away where baby can't see or hear you, and don't go running if she cries. she'll be ok - she'll end up loving her playtime with the helper.

englishviola · May 2011

$8/hour is fair for my region as well. Anywhere from $5-$10 for 1 or 2 kids is what the range is.

I'm actually hiring a mother's helper soon as well. I'm thinking of taking my laptop and going to the library to get work done. It's hard if I can hear the kids, and they know I'm in the house!

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