Help me think through having 2 under 2, as opposed to larger age gap

bethann3181 · May 2011

DH and I are discussing trying for #2. Originally, we said we?d wait until the fall of this year to try, so DS and #2 were around 26 + months apart. Last night, DH told me he?s really ready now for another baby, and would love to start trying this month (FWIW, I?ve been charting for the last few months, and he knows my ?fertile time? is coming up soon) rather than wait until Sept or Oct to begin trying. DS just turned 1 last week, and I never really thought about having 2 under 2, although having 2 around 26 or so months apart might not be that different. We are ready in every way for #2 ? I just had it in my mind that 2 kids would be easier to manage after DS turned 2. I don?t really have a reason for that, other than I have two friends that have 2 under 2 (about 20 months apart, which is what it would be for us if we tried this month, and I conceived quickly) that had a really difficult time managing. I have been overwhelmed a lot too with working full time, and trying to keep life in order with DS. I love it, but I worry about how I would manage 2 in general, although I very much want 2 kids. So, do you think having my LO?s 21 months apart would make things much harder than having them 26+ months apart? Would 5 extra months in between LO?s ages really make a difference in how the challenges of having 2 would be?

bethann3181 · May 2011

Gah! I can't format this post properly. Sorry about the weird format...

kfriscia · May 2011

I don't think there is such a HUGE difference between 21 and 26 months. A 26 month old may be slightly more independent but really just depends on the kid. My 17 month old is about as independent as my oldest was at 2. I would say go for it.

Lambie. · May 2011

I can't comment because I have no clue. I expect though that it will be difficult at first but will hopefully pay off later.

I do want to know though, what is your LO's middle name? We are seriously considering naming this baby Nolan but can't come up with a middle name.

LDQAM516 · May 2011

Go for it. Our first two are 21 months apart and #2 and #3 will be 25 months apart. It obviously wasn't bad since we are expecting #3 already! And I don't anticipate a huge difference between 21 and 25 months apart. Maybe a little better vocabulary and independence...

bethann3181 · May 2011

Lambie - his full name is Nolan Matthew. DH's first name is Matthew, so even before we picked Nolan, we knew that Matthew would be the middle name for a boy. However, I think it goes together really well

Good luck!

MrsPatterson · May 2011

If you are feeling ready, I say go for it. If you conceive quickly, great, if not then you will be glad you didn't put it off longer. We did not plan 2u2 and I was scared, but it's actually been a lot easier than I thought it would. My DS is pretty independent, and DD has been a much easier baby than DS was. I work full time and started back to work last week. Of course I'm exhausted, but no more so than when it was just DS. I am so glad they will be close in age, and I'm looking forward to getting the early years out of the way more quickly since I haven't taken to the infant/toddler stages like I thought I would.

Mr.&MrsS · May 2011

bethann3181:
Lambie - his full name is Nolan Matthew. DH's first name is Matthew, so even before we picked Nolan, we knew that Matthew would be the middle name for a boy. However, I think it goes together really well Good luck!

My DS2 is Nolan as well!! Big Smile We went with Nolan William because William is DH middle name.

As for your question...I dont think 5 months will make much of a difference. I tend to think newborns are hard no matter what the age gap. It just takes some time to find your new normal and your new routine.

I also work full time with 2u2 (my kids are 16.5 months apart) and it is certainly doable. When DS2 was younger it seemed that I didnt get any time to myself...but everything is a phase and we moved through it quickly and now I love the way things are going!!

Good luck with your decision!

CaitlinJ22 · May 2011

I think my DS was just starting to get more independant and easier at 21-22 months. So I dont see much of a difference than now (27 months). Ds was 18 months when DD was born and the difference btwn 18 months and 21-22 months was big for us. He started talking more and having a big vocab at 21 months and he didnt tantrum as badly. I would go for it, whatever happens is what is supposed to. You can't control it all I learned that with DD, we tried and got pg that week. I didnt expect it to happen so fast. BUT I love this age difference, its great. GL!

Summer20 · May 2011

I have no actual experience in this area yet, so my thoughts are just speculation, but here are some things I think might be easier with DD being 20-21 months instead of 26 months or older...

- she'll still be in her crib (well, that's the plan) and we won't try and move her for several months

- we won't be trying to potty train her and worry about "regression", we won't worry about potty training until several months after the baby is born

- she's already old enough to play independently for stretches of time, so that should make things a bit easier

- she'll still be young enough and small enough to put in a stroller

I don't know, there are more, but mainly I think having her still be somewhat of a baby will be easier. I don't want to be dealing with those "big kid" steps (changing to a bed, potty training, etc) right around the time the baby gets here because I would think it would make it much harder for DD. We're hoping that by the time we get to those stages, she'll be somewhat used to the baby.

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Help me think through having 2 under 2, as opposed to larger age gap

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