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2nd Trimester
connecting to baby for 2+ Moms
How long did it take you to connect to your second baby while pregnant?
I have a 6 month old and I feel like I have barely connected to this baby. With DD's pregnancy I felt like I always remembered what week I was in pregnancy, and what fruit compaired to my pregnancy and what my baby had done developmental wise in whatever week is was in. With this one, I feel like I can barely remember that I'm pregnant let alone what week it is!
This is our last baby so I want to enjoy it all.. I hope that once I know the sex or feel the baby kick or something it will help me feel like this is more real.
I think that DD just keeps me so busy (and the fact that I've been so involved in planning my wedding which is this weekend) that I haven't had a spare second in my life 
Anyone else feel this way??? Did it get better?
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Re: connecting to baby for 2+ Moms
When I was pregnant with baby #2 it took me a long time to feel connected, it would come in spurts and I would try to keep up on everything like I did on the first one but I was always so distracted with the DD actually in front of me. DD#2 (and LO#3) we're an oops so I don't know if that affected my ability to connect because with #2 I felt like I was betraying DD by having another baby so soon.
It was probably 6 months in before I started getting excited instead of just nervous.
I was the same way when I was pregnant with DS#2. I have to stay I feel terrible that I can't remember almost anything about when I was pregnant with him. I can't even remember some of when he was growing up. I'm pregnant with DS#3 and I'm literally taking the time to stop and think about it a few times a day.
It seems the second one gets the short end of the stick. : )
This!
DC2 is definitely an "ut oh" baby and I feel like I'm stealing DD's childhood because I won't get to devote as much time to her. Also, I'm so exhausted it's difficult for me to want to play with her all the time because I just want a nap all day!
I hope it gets easier.
I'm 14 weeks tomorrow, and my DS1 is a little over a year old. I so don't feel nearly as connected to this one as I did with him. I even thought I was 12 weeks pregnant two days ago and here I am 14 weeks tomorrow. >.>
I'm thinking that once I can feel baby moving, and I know what it is, it will be easier to connect, at least that's what I'm hoping.
"oops" baby or not... you just have your hands full this time around.
These twins were planned (well... the pregnancy was planned, not the twins) and I felt like I was 'stealing' some of DD's childhood because I wouldn't be able to rock her forever, pick her up all the time, ect.
My morning sickness didn't help, I became a slug and she was definetly not my top priority, survival was
I remember SIL telling me that "she doesn't know if she can love another LO like she did #1" and I understand what she means, but every pregnancy is different, like every baby.
Even of you don't 'connect' with the baby till the end, that's OK too, there is no rule that says all pregnancies are created equal or that you'll love #2, #3, #14 any less
Thanks for posting this! I am 19 weeks pregnant w/#2. My first we had to have fertility treatments and then he was born at 24 weeks. He's our little miracle. We had an oops pregnancy (ds was born last October and I am due this October) and I just don't know how I will bond.
We only wanted 1 child and after having a preemie I just worry about the pregnancy and I feel bad about taking time away from ds.
I'm feeling the same way...This is #4 for us, but I certainly wasn't expecting to get pregnant when my ds was only 3 months old. Even now I am starting to feel terrible becuase it's getting uncomfortable to hold him to feed him, because my belly's getting in the way.
I feel like I need to soak in every minute with him because once DD arrives I'll have to focus on her, as my husband will be out of the country until next June. This also leaves my other DD in the lurch. She'll be 4 when this one's born and I can tell she's really craving attention, and it will be even more so when her dad leaves and the new baby comes.
DS-11 years, DD-3 years, DS-born 9/15/10, DD-9/09/11
You're just giving birth now, you're not mother Earth now
I've felt connected to all of my babies the moment I found out I was pregnant...but I do know what you mean about being so busy that sometimes it's hard to remember how far along you are or even that you are pregnant! I don't think that is taking away from the baby you are carrying, it just means you are busy.
I think it'll get better. Like you mentioned, soon you'll start feeling the baby moving and you'll have a nice big belly that won't really let you forget!
I would point to my belly and tell DS a lot that it was the baby. He didn't understand that there was a baby in there, but it was still sort of fun for him to point and say "baby".
You fall in love with your children, no matter how many you have. It just kind of multiplies.
And I don't feel that I've taken anything from DS's childhood. During the pregnancy, I did have times I felt guilty about not being able to give him as much attention as I did before, though. But once DD got here, he was so good with her! He has loved her from the beginning and now that she's scooting around they've started playing together. It is wonderful to see your children interact together! I look at it like this, I'm giving my children friends for life!
i have just really started connecting with baby. it was a struggle for me at first because i was soooo scared of losing her and also in a way bonding with baby felt like i was "cheating" on my twins. sounds stupid.....but i had tried for so many years to get pregnant the first time and had recently come to terms with the fact that the twins would be our only children and i embrace the role of being their mommy sooooo much. it was a shock to get a bfp. we weren't trying at all. once the shock wore off (it took a looooong time) it was a little easier to start bonding.
hope this makes some sense....
AND congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
You know I've thought about my pregnancy with #2 and honestly I didn't really connect with her until I felt her move (I think because I knew what to expect). But with #1 I was all over every website and detail. And with this pregnancy I'm the same but only because I know longer am a SAHM and bored at work all day. I don't love my daughter any less because she's the 2nd and to be honest she thinks she rules the hen house. So I wouldn't worry. Its just this time around we know we have to be a hands on mom first and most of the time don't have the extra time as before. Doesn't mean pregnancy is any different or less meaningful.
Honestly, I dont think I ever really with #2. Of course, I did to an extent when we had the ultrasound/picked a name, but definitely not in the same way as I did with the first pregnancy when I could devote all my attention to the pregnancy.
However, when #2 came, I felt the same feelings I did with DS. I absolutely cannot imagine my life without DD and I think the best decision I ever made was to have them as close together as I did.