I hate my husband right now

quezzo · May 2011

I know hate is a strong word but I really do. He is complaining about money and the cost of our medical bills, specifically for my RIP tests and treatments for my killer cells which have helped to keep my body from killing our baby. I told him he is the one who has made all the big purchases in the last three months - $3,500 on a TV, $500 on a lawn mower and $100 on a weed waker among spending God only knows how much on stuff for the lawn. So he said we've spent way more on these treatments than the TV and I think you are making them do these tests. I swear I wanted to slap him.

The break down is a test is $230 and a treatment is $600. I have to get tested every 4 weeks to monitor my levels and if they have gone up I have to go for treatment. He knew that all this could cost up to $7,000 by the time we got the baby, but that to me is a small price to pay for the baby and way less than adoption, which was our other choice. I've had three treatments and today was my fifth test.

I just don't see how he can even b!tch about the cost of this when we might actually get a child out of this, which to me is priceless.

rvandiver0705 · May 2011

It sounds like he is honestly having "I'm going to be a Dad" freakouts, but they are coming out in an incredibly inappropriate fashion.

I would honestly rip him a new one in the most specific way possible, refuse to speak to him until he apologizes, and once he is appropriately feeling like a douchcanoe, I would calmly explain to him that his behavior is hurtful and not ever to be repeated. I would bring it up for a few weeks to make him feel like a complete ass. That may be the hormones talking though. Stick out tongue

mommy411 · May 2011

Ugh ya thats a douche thing to say. I think he is getting anxious and this is his way to let it out.

I hope

martinimomma · May 2011

I'm sending your DH a virtual throatpunch for his twatwaffledom. So sorry that you have this additional stress. ((Hugs))

quezzo · May 2011

rvandiver0705:
It sounds like he is honestly having "I'm going to be a Dad" freakouts, but they are coming out in an incredibly inappropriate fashion.
I would honestly rip him a new one in the most specific way possible, refuse to speak to him until he apologizes, and once he is appropriately feeling like a douchcanoe, I would calmly explain to him that his behavior is hurtful and not ever to be repeated. I would bring it up for a few weeks to make him feel like a complete ass. That may be the hormones talking though.

I screamed at him about how selfish he is and what an asss he was being by even saying that. It didn't seem to help. He also is not big on apologizing, but I'm not letting this go. I'm not speaking to him right now and I wont until he realizes he is wrong. I just don't know how he could compare anything to this baby, although he did say the other day that I shouldn't get him anything for father's day because he isn't a father.

Mom2Cinderella · May 2011

I agree with you. Honestly, if he was that concerned about the cost of the testing and treatment, he wouldn't have dropped $3500 on a tv. At least until maybe after the baby was born. I agree with what somewhat else said-maybe he is just stressing and taking it out on you. I am sure he agrees that the baby is worth the cost of the treatment. I hope you two can come to a reconciliation in the next day or so!

tiffanysbride · May 2011

Mom2Cinderella:
I agree with you. Honestly, if he was that concerned about the cost of the testing and treatment, he wouldn't have dropped $3500 on a tv. At least until maybe after the baby was born. I agree with what somewhat else said-maybe he is just stressing and taking it out on you. I am sure he agrees that the baby is worth the cost of the treatment. I hope you two can come to a reconciliation in the next day or so!

This. When I was pg with DS DH had a few freak outs. Not quite like you are describing, more like drunken sporting events where friend drove him home. Your DH might be buying things he thinks he won't get to buy once the baby becomes a real life priority. Men don't really get to bond the way we do.

All that said I would not scream and so forth, I would have a conversation with him when you've both calmed down. No judgment just talking. So sorry you have to deal with this right now, not cool at all.

hugs&hissyfits · May 2011

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. He is probably just going through a "I'm going to be a Dad" freak out. Things are probably becoming more real for him and sadly men handle things so differently than women. I would totally continue with the cold shoulder until he comes around.

quezzo · May 2011

tiffanysbride:
Mom2Cinderella:
I agree with you. Honestly, if he was that concerned about the cost of the testing and treatment, he wouldn't have dropped $3500 on a tv. At least until maybe after the baby was born. I agree with what somewhat else said-maybe he is just stressing and taking it out on you. I am sure he agrees that the baby is worth the cost of the treatment. I hope you two can come to a reconciliation in the next day or so!
This. When I was pg with DS DH had a few freak outs. Not quite like you are describing, more like drunken sporting events where friend drove him home. Your DH might be buying things he thinks he won't get to buy once the baby becomes a real life priority. Men don't really get to bond the way we do.
All that said I would not scream and so forth, I would have a conversation with him when you've both calmed down. No judgment just talking. So sorry you have to deal with this right now, not cool at all.

He isn't big into buying things and has asked me for each one of those things he bought and we are lucky enough to have the money. We also have the money for my treatments/tests, but he wants me to not work after the baby comes. My stable paycheck is a freelance newborn photographer for a nationwide company, but we work on commission so it just doesn't seem worth the cost of childcare. I'm sure he is nervous about this, but I've offered to get a different job and he said it just doesn't make sense b/c we still need someone to watch the baby then.

DowagerCountessofNJ · May 2011

I have some pent up rage, I'll gladly stop by and kick his shins for you. What a d*ck move!

You could always call up the place he bought the TV from and find out what their return policy is and give him all the details since he's so concerned about money.

quezzo · May 2011

He just came down here and is all innocently talking to the dogs. He does this to cut the tension when we fight and/or when he is feeling guilty.

Junebug060609 · May 2011

rvandiver0705:

It sounds like he is honestly having "I'm going to be a Dad" freakouts, but they are coming out in an incredibly inappropriate fashion.

This is my thinking too. Most of my DHs stresses about the pregnancy so far have to do with finances and knowing his family will be provided for. It sounds like he needs to get over his denial about the major change coming in your lives and get his priorities straight.

Good luck with that Wink

haziedaze · May 2011

((HUGE HUGS)) My pregnancy rage has been pretty bad over even little things, so I can't even imagine how furious I would be. Take a deep breath, give each other some space, and try to chat some more. I agree, he's probably just freaking out, he'll come around. A healthy baby is worth every penny!

SheLovesMrHip · May 2011

I will slap your DH if you slap the sh^t out of mine???

Rossi17 · May 2011

You could give him the options: Either paying and not complaining, or not doing the treatments and endangering the baby, because apparently he doesn't think your new little one is worth the money. What a douchy thing to complain about! Maybe he should accompany you on a trip to the doctor's office and have him take up "the cost" with them.

Rossi17 · May 2011

Where in Illinois do you live, I swear I can come down there and throat punch him for you )

quezzo:
rvandiver0705:
It sounds like he is honestly having "I'm going to be a Dad" freakouts, but they are coming out in an incredibly inappropriate fashion.
I would honestly rip him a new one in the most specific way possible, refuse to speak to him until he apologizes, and once he is appropriately feeling like a douchcanoe, I would calmly explain to him that his behavior is hurtful and not ever to be repeated. I would bring it up for a few weeks to make him feel like a complete ass. That may be the hormones talking though.
I screamed at him about how selfish he is and what an asss he was being by even saying that. It didn't seem to help. He also is not big on apologizing, but I'm not letting this go. I'm not speaking to him right now and I wont until he realizes he is wrong. I just don't know how he could compare anything to this baby, although he did say the other day that I shouldn't get him anything for father's day because he isn't a father.

Eris-Alexis · May 2011

I'm so sorry he is being such a d!ck. I think pp is right and this is his version of a dad to be freak out. Unfortunately it is totally irrational, hurtful, and absolutely inappropriate. I hope that he realizes how hurtful and inappropriate he has been and apologizes profusely for the next several days.

anonomity · May 2011

Sgt M's Wife:
I have some pent up rage, I'll gladly stop by and kick his shins for you. What a d*ck move!
You could always call up the place he bought the TV from and find out what their return policy is and give him all the details since he's so concerned about money.

I like this idea.

Seriously though, I'm sorry he's being a douche. I hope he gets his sh!t together soon.

shanna82 · May 2011

I'm sorry hon. I hope he gets on board soon.

BobbiJanay07 · May 2011

anonomity:
Sgt M's Wife:
I have some pent up rage, I'll gladly stop by and kick his shins for you. What a d*ck move!
You could always call up the place he bought the TV from and find out what their return policy is and give him all the details since he's so concerned about money.
I like this idea.
Seriously though, I'm sorry he's being a douche. I hope he gets his sh!t together soon.

This.

hart0620 · May 2011

quezzo:

I screamed at him about how selfish he is and what an asss he was being by even saying that. It didn't seem to help. He also is not big on apologizing, but I'm not letting this go. I'm not speaking to him right now and I wont until he realizes he is wrong. I just don't know how he could compare anything to this baby, although he did say the other day that I shouldn't get him anything for father's day because he isn't a father.

Maybe he isn't connecting the fact that this money is being spent on a child. It sounds like the baby isn't really real to him yet. I could see being upset about $7,000 if your brain didn't connect that that was the cost of keeping your child alive. Maybe to him it is just bills.

Not defending him, because he is definitely being an @ss, but I wonder if some dads have a hard time really connecting the dots, since they aren't really involved in the whole process (they don't have constant reminders like we do.)

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