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Stay at Home Moms
babyroot2
member
Feeling Like I'm in a losing battle...(vent, whine, advice?)
babyroot2
member
I am so sad right now. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones, depression or just your average day with a 22 month old...
I am pregnant with my second and it has been less than great (if you want the whole background it's here: https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/52505782.aspx) ). I have had such bad "mommy guilt" over the last 7 months. Since I have been feeling less nauseous lately I've decided to try and revert back to being a good SAHM. Here's the thing...over the last week DS has turned into a little monster. EVERYTHING makes him cry. He hits, kicks, screams and whines. He has always been such a sweet kid and now I take him out and by the time I get home I feel like I've been beaten down and could sleep for days. I feel horrible even typing these words, but it's not fun like it used to be. I come home and want to cry...many days I do.
By the time DH get's home (and lately that has been later and later in the evening) all I want to do is hand over DS and go
lock myself in our room. He has no idea what my days are like. I'm not
supposed to lift DS anymore and I have no choice but to do it repeatedly
throughout the day and by bedtime the pain and BH contractions make me regret it. He won't eat anything I give him and virtually
screams through every meal. If we are home and I choose to try and do
something with him that does not involve Buzz Lightyear being on the TV
then he screams. Again, he used to be such a sweet child!???
I read all these posts about what a typical day is like for a SAHM and right now my day is nothing like those. I feel like those women are superwomen! I took him to story time at the library this morning...it was awful. He wanted to run all around and I couldn't even sit on the hard floor with him for fear that I'd never get my hugely pregnant butt up fast enough to catch him. I took him to lunch and he did everything he could to make it miserable. When we got home I thought I'd read him a story before his nap...I laid him down and said "I love you" and he hit me in the face! I made the decision to be a SAHM for all of the reasons that any SAHM does, but lately I feel like I'm a total failure. I'm sure this is all just "the way of the toddler", but how do you ladies deal with this???
I beginning to feel like I need a shrink! If you read this entire post, thank you and sorry for all of the whining 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling Like I'm in a losing battle...(vent, whine, advice?)
I have been there and it sucks. My DD can act like that a lot of the time too and now with 2 LO's, sadly, we just don't leave the house much. I do think my kids get bored being home so much but sometimes it just isn't worth the effort. We often go to storytime with bad results and when we get home it's lunch time and they are both tired, hungry and so cranky. I honestly wouldn't feel bad if you choose to stay home more because of this reason.
I also want to say that your DS is lucky to have you! It sounds like you're a great mom and doing an awesome job- having a rough time at storytime and then still taking him to lunch and reading to him at home.
Hang in there!
I'm sorry things are so rough right now! My LO is only 12 months and I'm not pregnant and I have many days when I feel like a failure too. Even on the good days I have several episodes of self-doubt, frustration, boredom, etc. Maybe you do need a shrink...or just a bit of a break by yourself or with another adult. It might help to have an hour to recharge every few days or so. My mom had 5 kids and my dad worked a lot in the beginning. She always reminds me that just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean you don't need help with your kids from time to time. Is there a family member or friend that can watch your LO for a few hours now and then? A mother's day out program?
Also, when you are feeling especially stressed out, I wouldn't fight the Buzz Lightyear or whatever it is your LO wants that you think isn't the best for him. Watching TV 24/7 isn't ideal, but neither is having a mommy who is depressed and at her wit's end. And he obviously isn't really watching TV 24/7 anyway. A bit more TV in the morning may mean you are both in a better mood to do something active and fun later, KWIM? Also, I know my LO is younger than yours, but DS is way too active for story time right now. He loves music class, but story time bores him and I end up chasing him while he tries to rip all the books off the shelves. If your LO is not interested, just skip it.
I'm sure there are any number of reasons your LO is being particularly difficult right now...developmental, physical, 2 year molars?? Hopefully he'll sort himself out or get over whatever is bothering him soon and maybe if you can get yourself feeling better he will sense it and be happier too! A happy mommy definitely makes a difference!
You are definitely going through a rough patch, but it will get better. I am not sure what your daily schedule looks like but the more we stick to a schedule better things are for me. When I say schedule I don't mean something planned every minute. I mean we breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner are around the same time every day, she naps around the same time, and we fit activities in between those times.
When DD acts terrible I always check the same things first: tired, hungry, thirsty, bored. One of those normally can her change attitude. If that doesn't work I am never ashamed of trying tylenol or a little TV.
DD just starting hitting and our answer to that is two fold. If she hits is with something we take it away and we then have a "time out" which currently is just us getting down on her level and saying something like "ow, don't hurt mommy. Be nice." Then we hug and we try to redirect her to another activity when she is finally calmed down.
ps, I think it is brave you took your little one to lunch. Taking DD out to eat is my least favorite thing to do, unless we get it to go and have a picnic.
Eleanor 9.30.13
Now is the time to start disciplining. While it sucks at first, eventually they realize there are consequences to their actions.
DH and I got this book - https://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1305574234&sr=8-1 And it works wonders! We've only had to use it a handful of times because DS 'got it'. If he wants to start acting like a butt then he can do it in his own room with the door closed. We don't make a big production of it. We give DS the opportunity of one or two re-directs and if that won't work, we take him up to his room and leave him there until he settles down (usually within 10 minutes or so). It has curbed the attempted tantrums tremendously and sometimes all it takes now is a "do you need to go to your room?" and he'll give us a pouty face and then goes and plays.
This works well for me, because I just do not have the patience to make time-outs work. DS barely sits still for anything so I'd spend more time fighting him on trying to get him to sit still and getting more and more PO'd and frustrated (and yes, it sucks to admit that I get PO'd at my kid, but it happens. Not often but there are some days... LOL!)
So, anyway, maybe give that book a read and try implementing the stuff. Like I said, its worked wonders for us and TBH, I can't remember the last time I had to take him up to his room. Now is the time to start disciplining anyway and I'm sure you'll want to get it under control before your new baby arrives.
ETA: As far as meals go, if he doesn't want to eat, don't force it. DS also went through a bout of this for about two weeks a couple of weeks ago - even his standard favorites were a no-go. I stopped worrying about it and figured that when he's hungry, he'll eat. He came back around and is back to eating us out of house and home!
Another thing to look out for is the 2nd year molars which will affect mood and appetite as well.
Sounds like the terrible twos have reared its ugly face. My DS#2 is going through this right now. I'm just taking it a day at a time. I'm also pregnant with our third, and last, child and have those days quite often. DH is the one with the problem and he's not even with them all day! LOL!
They do eventually grow out of it, as evident by DS#1 and my nephew. : )
First off hugs to you! I read your linked post and it seems you have had a lot of complications from this pregnancy. I am not sureif your DS is just being a two year old or if you have a "spirited child" lol. I have a very spirited two year old lol! I too have gone to library time and came home in tears feeling utterly exhausted and I am not pregnant.
First - do you have a fenced yard? If DD is full of energy and nothing else works, I bring her outside. I sit with a magazine and ice tea and she runs around. We play with her water table, balls etc but she likes to mostly just run (our yard is really small so I can relax and keep an eye on her while I look at a magazine).
Second - can you afford a mother's helper? Just for a few hours a week? If not, your DH needs to give you more breaks.
Good luck to you!
The above is really great advice - I copied because I ditto it all! Some other things to consider...
Could be terrible two's. My DD, who was a real tyrant, responded really well to discipline techniques in '123 Magic' and somewhat to 'Love & Logic'.
Keep trying new things to see what your DS responds to. If he's physical, a run or play at the park. Find a good enclosed area to let him run wild. If he's a cuddler, try some one on one snuggly time reading or playing. If creative, try playdough or finger paints... you see what I mean. Be creative to find out what his 'buttons' are. If it doesn't work, ditch it - not worth the effort.
When he is napping or watching tv, make sure to use that time to put up your own feet to relax and recharge, and really make the most of it. While tempting to use the time to get stuff done, I found I ended up doing better in the long run if I got a really good recharge even if I had to muddle through the rest of my work later. If all else fails, leave it for DH.
If you can afford it, try talking to a therapist. I did this during my 2nd pregnancy and she taught me some coping techniques that really helped, with the added bonus that DH didn't have to listen to my moaning, which he hates. I found out later that depression during pregnancy is really not all that uncommon, especially in subsequent pregnancies, and I think that's part of what I was experiencing. I just felt nothing but despair and anxiety. HTH, come back to vent or for advice whenever you need!
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
I'm so sorry you're going through all this. It would be a lot for anybody to handle. But believe me, I completely understand and relate. I'm 36 weeks pregnant myself with a 28 month old and I have been on bed rest for the past 10 weeks....lets just say that the dynamic between me and DS has changed tremendously and I freak out every day that I will not get the level of control/discipline back when I have this baby....he is addicted to TV now because every time I have to watch him there is only so much I can do, and TV seems like the easiest way to keep him occupied without putting strain on me. We used to have such a great routine down, and since bed rest happened (let alone being exhausted and pregnant) the routine has dropped by the wayside and I fear what will happen when this new baby arrives. My DS also has a speech disorder, so as much as I have been trying to work with the speech therapist it's just so hard and so much pressure and work....I feel like crying my eyes out almost everyday. Being a SAHM is not easy!
I had several several breakdowns, meltdowns, "I'm a horrible mom and wife" moments throughout this pregnancy, and if anything I think I have learned my lesson and will not get pregnant again until this baby is at least 4 or 5 years old and not a toddler anymore!!! Best thing I can do is learn through experience!
Terrible twos + pregnancy + bed rest = very unhappy mama!
My husband has been great and extremely helpful and has kept this family afloat, and I thank God everyday that he still loves me, takes care of me and our growing family with a smile on his face. It has to be the little things in life that keep me going. I am thankful I'm still pregnant because I started having some serious blood pressure issues at 24 weeks and that was very scary. DS is safe, he's healthy and happy and that in of itself is something to be tremendously appreciative about.
Just know that you're not alone! I feel your pain, I know what you're going though and I understand completely. It's OK to have those breakdowns, I think they're the only way we can stay sane sometimes. I have no real advice for you but just wanted to let you know I'm here if you ever need to vent, whine or cry on a virtual shoulder!
My DS was older than your's when we went through morning sickness but it was a BIG fight to get him back on track once I was feeling better. It took a while but we did it. You're also at a rough age in my opinion (which I always thought was worse than 2 and 3) because they start getting frustrated that they can't communicate their feelings well and are crazy busy with exploring the world.
Hang in there...it'll get better!
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)