FB friend request - WWYD? (long)

mrspresley · May 2011

I try not to mention FB at work b/c I'd prefer not to be FB friends with most of the ppl I work with.... I am FB friends with 2 girls I used to work with but we were close...they threw my baby shower for me and one of them used to be Miss A's babysitter.... so if we are really friends then of course i don't mind being friends on FB. then another girl i used to work with (but am not close to) sent me a friend request b/c she is mutual friends w/the other girls and saw that I was on FB... I felt bad declining it, so I accepted the friend request and really it's turned out to be no big deal, she just comments on my pics sometimes and that is all....

but then a few months ago i got a friend request from another girl I used to work with.... she was really nice but also very young and immature and we were definitely not close at all. she sent me a request and i ignored it. then she sent me a msg asking me how things were going. i sent a polite reply, catching up w/her and she sent me a msg back just telling me about where she was working now. then a few days later i get another msg from her - this time asking for work related advice - which is why i suspected she had sent the friend request in the first place. now i don't mind giving my professional opinion to my friends....but in this case i felt like she was just trying to get free advice. I was nice about it and answered her questions but left it at that and ignored her friend request. about a month later she sent another friend request - I am sure she thought maybe I did not see the first request and just re-sent it.... I ignored it again. then a few weeks ago she sent me another friend request. I figure that by now, if i continue to ignore them she knows that I am purposely ignoring her and it's not just an oversight (and i feel bad about it).... should I just continue to ignore them until she gets the point? send her a polite msg explaining to her that I'd prefer that we not be FB friends? accept the request but block her from viewing most of my stuff? there is probably little harm in accepting her request, but I think I am more just not wanting to be her FB friend b/c she only sought me out when she needed something? WWYD?

redshoegirl · May 2011

I'd probably just keep ignoring her. I'm passive aggressive like that. Well, online, anyway - I'm overly accommodating in real life, which I think is worse. Stick out tongue

I tried the "block her from seeing most stuff" thing with a person once but ended up getting really aggravated because every.single.time I went on FB she wanted to have long drawn out chats. I made myself appear offline in the chat window for a while, but then you appear offline to everyone and can't chat with anyone else, and I got sick of this - so finally I just deleted her. Meh.

My own FB problem: a few months ago, the wife of one of Ben's coworkers sent me a friend request. I don't really know her, but we went to their wedding - she had recently had a miscarriage, and she was still grieving and we had a few conversations about it. But lately she's gotten REALLY obnoxious - she updates her status like 5 times a day, and always with stuff like "Doesn't care what anybody says or does anymore. I am who i am... i say what i want to say, I do what I want to do.. and that's it!" You know the type - very AW and likes to create drama where there is none (seriously, ALL her posts are like that, and I am 100% sure she does not have people constantly saying negative things to her that would justify it).

I know I can just block her posts, but I feel like what's the point of that? I don't want to be FB friends with someone whose posts I want to block. But at the same time, I feel like it would be mean to delete her after the conversations we've had....and it might cause dramas because I live in a small town so we're bound to run into each other...and our husbands are coworkers...and yeah. *sigh* Why didn't I just click ignore on her friend request? Tongue Tied

stargirl76 · May 2011

I personally would just ignore the request -- don't deny it, but don't accept it. My cousin told one of his friends (who I had met ONCE back in 1997) to friend request me so I "could see pictures of his kids since I'm pregnant." I denied it the first few times, and since then I've just ignored it. I think that when you deny it, the person can see requesting you as an option again. When you just ignore it, it still says "friend request pending" to them (I think).

OR, if you feel really bad you could just accept her and immediately block her from seeing everything you wish. To address Lisa's comment about the chat - you can put her in her own "list" (or add her to another list of people you don't want to chat with on FB) and you can make sure that the list doesn't see you on FB chat... so it's an option!

OR you could just deny her request again and block her on FB. she won't be able to see anything you post to your mutual friend's wall, pictures, etc and won't be able to search for you. You could also change your privacy settings so that 1) she can't search for you (but she could still see your comments on mutual friends' pages) or 2) she can't friend request you.

Haha, wow, didn't mean for it to turn in to a novel. I sound like a FB freak. I've just had to do most of these things (long story)...

Married2MrWright · May 2011

I have created a limited profile group and accept friends requests like list and place them in the group. The organization I work for has 25,000 members worldwide and I get FB requests from them all the time. Basically, I allow them to see my profile pic and basic information, but that's it. They cannot view my wall or post to my wall, cannot view my albums, etc. That way, I don't have to decline them but I don't have to let have access to my life either (once they're my "friend" they don't see much more than a "non friend' would see on my FB page). You might consider the same.

eacerna · May 2011

i would just add and limit access as well.

MrsNJSwimmer · May 2011

with people who have done this several times, I generally just leave the request sitting there. I don't hit the IGNORE button or the ACCEPT button. It just stays there, b/c then it doesn't show up in their "People You May Know" section.

mrspresley · May 2011

redshoegirl:
I know I can just block her posts, but I feel like what's the point of that? I don't want to be FB friends with someone whose posts I want to block. But at the same time, I feel like it would be mean to delete her after the conversations we've had....and it might cause dramas because I live in a small town so we're bound to run into each other...and our husbands are coworkers...and yeah. *sigh* Why didn't I just click ignore on her friend request?

i'd just block her posts and avoid the drama of un-friending her! esp since you live in a small town and are bound to have future interactions w/her.

stargirl76:
Haha, wow, didn't mean for it to turn in to a novel. I sound like a FB freak. I've just had to do most of these things (long story)...

wow i didn't even know you could block someone from finding you on FB! you're a FB privacy guru

Married2MrWright:
I have created a limited profile group and accept friends requests like list and place them in the group. The organization I work for has 25,000 members worldwide and I get FB requests from them all the time. Basically, I allow them to see my profile pic and basic information, but that's it. They cannot view my wall or post to my wall, cannot view my albums, etc. That way, I don't have to decline them but I don't have to let have access to my life either (once they're my "friend" they don't see much more than a "non friend' would see on my FB page). You might consider the same.

i didn't know that you could do this. i mean i know you can block certain people from things but i didn't know you could easily create an alternate profile like that. currently when i post pics to an album i tell FB to allow "only friends, except _____" and have a list of ppl that i keep from seeing the pics. can you tell me how you set yours up?

Married2MrWright · May 2011

mrspresley:

i didn't know that you could do this. i mean i know you can block certain people from things but i didn't know you could easily create an alternate profile like that. currently when i post pics to an album i tell FB to allow "only friends, except _____" and have a list of ppl that i keep from seeing the pics. can you tell me how you set yours up?

Hi - I basically have this "only friends, except _____" for every setting on FB. That way ____ (which is colleagues and acquaintences) can literally only see my profile pic and basic information. Go to Account-->Privacy Settings-->Custom. Then set each section and subsection to "only friends, except ___." I've done for everything under "Things I Share," "Things Others Share," and "My Contact Information." Plus all albums. Once you do this you can preview your profile and type in the name of your coirker and see what she'll be able to see. Mine can only see: Info, Photos (limited to the albums I enable them to see), Notes and Friends. That's it. HTH!

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