What did you do with LO#1 when delivering LO#2?

Bran_ham · May 2011

We don't live near family that can/would take DS nor do we have close friends that we could leave him with. Everyone lives at least an hour away. My parents are coming to town less than a week before my DD but in the even that LO#2 arrives early we want to be prepared.

Can we take him to the hospital with us? We get private rooms and DH can watch him. I'm okay if DH needs to look after DS and not me, even if he misses the birth. I'm not even sure my hospital will allow it, I need to check into it.

We also don't use a sitter as I'm a SAHM. Should we try to find someone that can come to the house when I go into labor? How does that work? What if I go into labor at 3 am?

Any recommendations would be great. I honestly had hoped my parents would have show up a week or so sooner than they are...but oh well.

Telyco · May 2011

#2 ended up breech so we didn't have to worry and just scheduled my mom to come in the day before the c/s.

But we are also in the same boat as you. Basically, we planned on bringing DS to the hospital and DH would have to wait for my parents or ILs to arrive before being able to join me. The big problem for us was that swine flu was all the rage and kids weren't even allowed in the hospital - so they would have had to wait in the lobby.

beyoga · May 2011

I am a SAHM too and we don't have help either or friends/family close that could help. I plan to hire a doula who can take pics and help me out. DH will have to stay with our son. But I am interested in the responses b/c I had a 24 week preemie the first time and I don't know if dh can bring ds and stay in the room either.

mlf625 · May 2011

If you're a SAHM, surely you know some other moms, right? Do you ever have playdates or get together with neighborhood moms? I'd try to find another mom you like and arrange for her to take your DS in the event that you go before your parents get to town. I had a planned c/s at 39w but had arranged for my friend in the neighborhood to be on call for DS if we ended up having to go in early for some reason.

I would not recommend taking your DS at all. A friend of mine got stuck doing this and said it was awful. Her son was petrified when he saw his mom in a hospital bed and gown, and her DH almost missed the birth. Also, there was a toddler hanging out all day in the hospital room next to mine after I had DD and it was so disruptive to us as we tried to sleep and bond with DD. I don't think the hospital is a good place for a toddler for any longer than a visit.

Find a mommy friend or check into a nanny service, imo.

NavyPilotWife · May 2011

mlf625:

If you're a SAHM, surely you know some other moms, right? Do you ever have playdates or get together with neighborhood moms? I'd try to find another mom you like and arrange for her to take your DS in the event that you go before your parents get to town. I had a planned c/s at 39w but had arranged for my friend in the neighborhood to be on call for DS if we ended up having to go in early for some reason.

I would not recommend taking your DS at all. A friend of mine got stuck doing this and said it was awful. Her son was petrified when he saw his mom in a hospital bed and gown, and her DH almost missed the birth. Also, there was a toddler hanging out all day in the hospital room next to mine after I had DD and it was so disruptive to us as we tried to sleep and bond with DD. I don't think the hospital is a good place for a toddler for any longer than a visit.

Find a mommy friend or check into a nanny service, imo.

This. Hospitals are not the place for toddlers. We didn't live near family, when DD2 was born, so DD1 stayed with a a friend of mine.

kcisthebombdotcom · May 2011

I would take LO to the hospital as a last resort, but I would find someone else. If your water breaks at 2am and by 3am you're having contractions close together, then by all means get to the hospital immediately and bring LO. However, if not you should find a sitter before that time. I'd do a few practice runs over the next few weeks so LO can get used to it. And definitely dont wait this long without using a sitter again. Try to get regular date nights with DH-its necessary with 2 kids close together for your sanity.

CrystalDaun · May 2011

We were lucky that my mom watched DD. We're in a cruddy situation because MIL owns her own business. DH manages it. So if he's off (while I'm giving birth) MIL has to work (run the business). So we can't rely on her. Our only hope is if his brother isn't working but he works for the CFD and sometimes has mandatory rehires and is on for 48 hours straight. So we can't really rely on him or ask him until the last min. if he can work and have MIL watch the kids because this time around, my mom already said she won't watch both kids while I deliver. I'm hoping to find a cousin or friend to help 'cause my immediate family won't.

Telyco · May 2011

NavyPilotWife:
mlf625:

If you're a SAHM, surely you know some other moms, right? Do you ever have playdates or get together with neighborhood moms? I'd try to find another mom you like and arrange for her to take your DS in the event that you go before your parents get to town. I had a planned c/s at 39w but had arranged for my friend in the neighborhood to be on call for DS if we ended up having to go in early for some reason.

I would not recommend taking your DS at all. A friend of mine got stuck doing this and said it was awful. Her son was petrified when he saw his mom in a hospital bed and gown, and her DH almost missed the birth. Also, there was a toddler hanging out all day in the hospital room next to mine after I had DD and it was so disruptive to us as we tried to sleep and bond with DD. I don't think the hospital is a good place for a toddler for any longer than a visit.

Find a mommy friend or check into a nanny service, imo.

This. Hospitals are not the place for toddlers. We didn't live near family, when DD2 was born, so DD1 stayed with a a friend of mine.

I feel like I should clarify my thoughts after reading some of these

I definitely don't think you should bring your LO into the exam room and all that. Obv - that would be scary for him/her. But I also don't do random nanny people unless you are going to get to know them over the next few months so your LO isn't stuck with a stranger at last minute.

As to the SAHM stuff...we have a few friends around us - but none that our kids would be ok with to wake up to. So I do get your dilemma. But if you can think of someone that can spend a lot of time with your LO in the weeks leading up to your due date - that would be best.

If you have family that can get to you in an hour or two, like you said....then taking your LO to the hospital for a little bit (in the waiting room or gift shop/lobby...running around away from patient rooms) isn't a big deal at all. There are tons of kids in those areas, usually. Running around L&D? No...but downstairs, out front, watching a DVD in the car until your family arrives - fine. You do what you gotta do.

Unknown · May 2011

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sweetpea2003 · May 2011

We ended up with an induction so my mom came down the night before (at the time she was 90 minutes away).

But our contingency was for her to go to a friend's house. I even had contingency's for driving me to the hospital because my husband is a pilot, the hospital was 45 minutes away, and I walked around 5cm dilated and 90% effaced for the last few weeks. I was TERRIFIED of my water breaking at home while DH was flying and having DD with me.

If you have no friends or family, have you thought about trying sittercity.com? You can interview a few people and maybe have them sit once or twice (pre-baby date night maybe?) so that your DS gets to know them a little bit. As a military spouse, I have used sittercity a few times with a lot of success. You can definitely arrange with one of them to be "on call" for you.

I wouldn't take your son to the hospital. I knwo you say that you are "okay" with your husband not being there for you, but what if there is an emergency? Then what? Your son needs to be supervised by someone other than your husband because if you are whisked away from an emergency c-section or your child is born with complications your DH will need to be focused on you and the new baby. Plus, I think those first several hours with a new baby are precious and special and while I was SOOOO EXCITED when my DD finally met my DS, I was very glad I had a few hours to stare into his little eyes, count his newborn toes, and give him the same undivided attention I had given my daughter when she was born.

AutumnBride929 · May 2011

I was stressing about that, too. Well, we both work FT so DS attends daycare from about 8a-5p daily during the week. That took care of those hours but what I was REALLY worried about was having to go to the hospital at some odd hour and needing to call someone in the middle of the night, lol.

We talked to a few people about it so we had some options: Our friends who live nearby, one of DS' daycare teachers and my co-worker all offered to help out if needed.

My mom scheduled her visit to fly in when I was 41w3d so I was hoping to go late so she'd be here and we wouldn't have to worry about it. Well, we got lucky. I went into labor at 41w4d and went to the hospital at 6am the next morning. But those are the people we had lined up just in case.

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