TTC After a Loss

The 1 person I thought would never complain

is about to get hidden on my FB!  I only have 1 friend IRL that has ever had a m/c, and she also had a D&C like I did.  We talked a little through email when I was going through my D&C.  She was fortunate enough to get KU 8 weeks after her D&C and got her take home baby.  She is now pg with baby #2 and due in July and the last 2 weeks she HAS NOT stopped complaining about pregnancy via FB status, and how she can't wait till it's over, and she's dying to get back to her pre pregnancy weight, and on and on.  Ugh, annoying for 2 reasons...1: she is a petite beautiful little dance teacher that gained 11 lbs w/ her 1st pregnancy (seriously?!), and 2: I thought she would be the 1 pg friend who would know when to -------> Zip it!

I'd give anything to be in her shoes, I hope she knows how lucky she is...  

BFP #2 7/20/11 ** EDD: 3/28/12: IT'S A BOY!
BFP #1 12/30/10 ** EDD: 9/6/11** H/B stopped at 10w 6d conf on 2/22/11 ** D&C 2/24/11.
Congrats to my Labor Buddy LoriJ11, baby Elise born 2/24/12
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Re: The 1 person I thought would never complain

  • UGH! Sorry you have to see that! I wish I was in her shoes but I would be loving every minute of it.
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  • I have a friend on facebook that is pg and was complaining about being sick and pg at the same time. I got really hurt, and not wanting to cause drama but let her know she needed to stop her complaining, I commented on her status, that I'd kill to be in her situation and that she is going to have the best gift in the world and it would all be worth it. She did not comment directly back, but she has not complained since, and is not angry at me either.
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  • ughh!!!  So H has a friend from his first job that he keeps in touch with here and there.... I've met her after she FB'd me....  We were supposed to visit her (and another friend) in January, so in early Dec when H was making the plans he told them we were expecting...  a few wks later he had to untell....  The friend goes on to tell us that she had a m/c before her 1st and m/c before the 2nd she was expecting then....

    after learning that her status'es (statii) drove me up a freaking wall....  She was complaining so much as she wouldnt shut up about it....  between her and few select other "special" friends, my H actually deactivated his account, LOL.

     (hugs)   those people are the worst!  I'm not saying they can't be joyful or mention their pregnancy bc they've "been on the other side"... but the complaining or non-stop gloating... c'mon!


    BFP#1 11.2.10 | EDD 7.9.11 | HB 7w2d & 8w4d | missed M/C 11w2d | D&E 12.21.10
    FSH at 14.5 - 4.21.11 | CCCT - (CD3 8.8,CD10 12.2)| dx w/ DOR @ 28 yrs old
    IUI#1 + clomid 8.29.11 (our anniversary)
    BFP#2 9.10.11 | EDD 5.21.12 | beta 1 @ 14dpi:232 | beta 2 @17dpi:703 | beta 3 @24dpi:7,174
    Baby A HB of 142(7w), 161(8w), 164(9w) | Baby B no HB, Vanishing Twin
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  • I've never understood this either. I'm not saying they aren't allowed to complain either...its just they should know their audience. You'd never complain about those 5 extra pounds you gained while talking to an obese friend, you'd never complain about how much your feet hurt from walking all over the place to a friend in a wheelchair, so why complain about how awful pregnancy is to a friend who desperately wants to be pregnant?

    Sometimes I think that people forget, which is upsetting to me. How can anyone forget what it was like to lose their baby? How can they ever go back to taking a baby and a pregnancy for granted?

    Complaints are fine but people just need to watch who they are complaining to or in the case of FB you simply don't know what ALL of your friends are going through so even better reason to watch what you say!


    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


  • imageamidkiff:
    I have a friend on facebook that is pg and was complaining about being sick and pg at the same time. I got really hurt, and not wanting to cause drama but let her know she needed to stop her complaining, I commented on her status, that I'd kill to be in her situation and that she is going to have the best gift in the world and it would all be worth it. She did not comment directly back, but she has not complained since, and is not angry at me either.

     

    someone I went to HS with (can't really call her a "friend"), back in like Jan or Feb, was complaining about being pregant and having the flu, saying "I'd rather be waterboarded, then be pregnant AND have the flu at the same time, it's torture"

    I was SOOO FURIOUS I almost sent her a private message to rip her a new one, since I didn't want to post it on her wall for all to see... but I didn't want to share my business with her anyway, I can't even remember the last time I saw/spoke to her in person... instead i immediately deleted her.  b!tch.


    BFP#1 11.2.10 | EDD 7.9.11 | HB 7w2d & 8w4d | missed M/C 11w2d | D&E 12.21.10
    FSH at 14.5 - 4.21.11 | CCCT - (CD3 8.8,CD10 12.2)| dx w/ DOR @ 28 yrs old
    IUI#1 + clomid 8.29.11 (our anniversary)
    BFP#2 9.10.11 | EDD 5.21.12 | beta 1 @ 14dpi:232 | beta 2 @17dpi:703 | beta 3 @24dpi:7,174
    Baby A HB of 142(7w), 161(8w), 164(9w) | Baby B no HB, Vanishing Twin
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  • imageLaurakat81:

    Sometimes I think that people forget, which is upsetting to me. How can anyone forget what it was like to lose their baby? How can they ever go back to taking a baby and a pregnancy for granted?

    Complaints are fine but people just need to watch who they are complaining to or in the case of FB you simply don't know what ALL of your friends are going through so even better reason to watch what you say!

    This exactly. I think sometimes they get blinded by the happiness of being pregnant again and forget, especially if it has been a while, how they felt when they had their loss(es).

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    BFP #1 12/13/08 - mc 12/26/08
    BFP #2 12/2/09 - emergency surgery for ectopic 12/5/09

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  • Ugh!  I am so sorry for your annoying friend. 
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    BFP#3 10-25-10 *EDD 7/1/11 * missed m/c @ 13w3d
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  • imageamidkiff:
    I have a friend on facebook that is pg and was complaining about being sick and pg at the same time. I got really hurt, and not wanting to cause drama but let her know she needed to stop her complaining, I commented on her status, that I'd kill to be in her situation and that she is going to have the best gift in the world and it would all be worth it. She did not comment directly back, but she has not complained since, and is not angry at me either.

    Good for you!  Sometimes I feel like people need that little hint to zip it!!

    BFP #2 7/20/11 ** EDD: 3/28/12: IT'S A BOY!
    BFP #1 12/30/10 ** EDD: 9/6/11** H/B stopped at 10w 6d conf on 2/22/11 ** D&C 2/24/11.
    Congrats to my Labor Buddy LoriJ11, baby Elise born 2/24/12
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  • imageLaurakat81:

    I've never understood this either. I'm not saying they aren't allowed to complain either...its just they should know their audience. You'd never complain about those 5 extra pounds you gained while talking to an obese friend, you'd never complain about how much your feet hurt from walking all over the place to a friend in a wheelchair, so why complain about how awful pregnancy is to a friend who desperately wants to be pregnant?

    Sometimes I think that people forget, which is upsetting to me. How can anyone forget what it was like to lose their baby? How can they ever go back to taking a baby and a pregnancy for granted?

    Complaints are fine but people just need to watch who they are complaining to or in the case of FB you simply don't know what ALL of your friends are going through so even better reason to watch what you say!

    Exactly!!  Well said!

    BFP #2 7/20/11 ** EDD: 3/28/12: IT'S A BOY!
    BFP #1 12/30/10 ** EDD: 9/6/11** H/B stopped at 10w 6d conf on 2/22/11 ** D&C 2/24/11.
    Congrats to my Labor Buddy LoriJ11, baby Elise born 2/24/12
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageEHayes1183:

    ughh!!!  So H has a friend from his first job that he keeps in touch with here and there.... I've met her after she FB'd me....  We were supposed to visit her (and another friend) in January, so in early Dec when H was making the plans he told them we were expecting...  a few wks later he had to untell....  The friend goes on to tell us that she had a m/c before her 1st and m/c before the 2nd she was expecting then....

    after learning that her status'es (statii) drove me up a freaking wall....  She was complaining so much as she wouldnt shut up about it....  between her and few select other "special" friends, my H actually deactivated his account, LOL.

     (hugs)   those people are the worst!  I'm not saying they can't be joyful or mention their pregnancy bc they've "been on the other side"... but the complaining or non-stop gloating... c'mon!

    Seriously.  Just funny cause I thought she would have been the considerate one!

    BFP #2 7/20/11 ** EDD: 3/28/12: IT'S A BOY!
    BFP #1 12/30/10 ** EDD: 9/6/11** H/B stopped at 10w 6d conf on 2/22/11 ** D&C 2/24/11.
    Congrats to my Labor Buddy LoriJ11, baby Elise born 2/24/12
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • EveanynEveanyn member
    imageLaurakat81:

    I've never understood this either. I'm not saying they aren't allowed to complain either...its just they should know their audience. You'd never complain about those 5 extra pounds you gained while talking to an obese friend, you'd never complain about how much your feet hurt from walking all over the place to a friend in a wheelchair, so why complain about how awful pregnancy is to a friend who desperately wants to be pregnant?

    Sometimes I think that people forget, which is upsetting to me. How can anyone forget what it was like to lose their baby? How can they ever go back to taking a baby and a pregnancy for granted?

    Complaints are fine but people just need to watch who they are complaining to or in the case of FB you simply don't know what ALL of your friends are going through so even better reason to watch what you say!

     

    This exactly. People don't seem to understand that their audience should DEFINITELY shape their words, and if they're posting FB-wide, they should watch what they say twice as much. Who takes p/g for granted and complains about it when they've had a m/c?

  • imagewilliams4me:

    is about to get hidden on my FB!  I only have 1 friend IRL that has ever had a m/c, and she also had a D&C like I did.  We talked a little through email when I was going through my D&C.  She was fortunate enough to get KU 8 weeks after her D&C and got her take home baby.  She is now pg with baby #2 and due in July and the last 2 weeks she HAS NOT stopped complaining about pregnancy via FB status, and how she can't wait till it's over, and she's dying to get back to her pre pregnancy weight, and on and on.  Ugh, annoying for 2 reasons...1: she is a petite beautiful little dance teacher that gained 11 lbs w/ her 1st pregnancy (seriously?!), and 2: I thought she would be the 1 pg friend who would know when to -------> Zip it!

    I'd give anything to be in her shoes, I hope she knows how lucky she is...  

    I totally understand this, and I am so sorry that she is the one complaining.  It's always those sneak complaint attacks isn't it?!?!  My friend is my age, had her first baby at 19 and just days ago gave birth to her 4th.  She is a nurse who works in peds and is well aware of fertility issues with friends we share in common.  She ran 8-11 miles until a week before she delivered and the whole time complained about her weight.  She only gained 12 pounds!!  Her post-delivery weight was 3 pounds lighter than when she conceived!!  It made me nauseous with how vocally ugly she was about her pregnancy. 

    I would have given anything to be in her shoes, athletic or otherwise....

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  • imageamandachs:
    imagewilliams4me:

    is about to get hidden on my FB!  I only have 1 friend IRL that has ever had a m/c, and she also had a D&C like I did.  We talked a little through email when I was going through my D&C.  She was fortunate enough to get KU 8 weeks after her D&C and got her take home baby.  She is now pg with baby #2 and due in July and the last 2 weeks she HAS NOT stopped complaining about pregnancy via FB status, and how she can't wait till it's over, and she's dying to get back to her pre pregnancy weight, and on and on.  Ugh, annoying for 2 reasons...1: she is a petite beautiful little dance teacher that gained 11 lbs w/ her 1st pregnancy (seriously?!), and 2: I thought she would be the 1 pg friend who would know when to -------> Zip it!

    I'd give anything to be in her shoes, I hope she knows how lucky she is...  

    I totally understand this, and I am so sorry that she is the one complaining.  It's always those sneak complaint attacks isn't it?!?!  My friend is my age, had her first baby at 19 and just days ago gave birth to her 4th.  She is a nurse who works in peds and is well aware of fertility issues with friends we share in common.  She ran 8-11 miles until a week before she delivered and the whole time complained about her weight.  She only gained 12 pounds!!  Her post-delivery weight was 3 pounds lighter than when she conceived!!  It made me nauseous with how vocally ugly she was about her pregnancy. 

    I would have given anything to be in her shoes, athletic or otherwise....

    Wow.  Yeah seriously I mean how do girls like that get off complaining about all their "pregnancy weight?"  It's ridiculous.

    BFP #2 7/20/11 ** EDD: 3/28/12: IT'S A BOY!
    BFP #1 12/30/10 ** EDD: 9/6/11** H/B stopped at 10w 6d conf on 2/22/11 ** D&C 2/24/11.
    Congrats to my Labor Buddy LoriJ11, baby Elise born 2/24/12
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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