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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
pinkmoonlight
member
WWYD?
pinkmoonlight
member
I am not exactly sure how to approach this without hurting a friends feelings. On Saturday I got an invite to a baby shower and housewarming party for a friend of DH and I. (The husband was in our wedding party and was one of DH's best friends in HS) In any case here is the thing I am struggling with, 1. This is her second child, she has another LO who is approximately 2 years old. She had a baby shower with him. 2. She has decided to throw this shower for herself along with the housewarming party at the same time. I kid you not the invite said she was throwing it.
I do not want to step on any toes with this, but I also think that this is completely tacky. (Yes she is having the opposite gender, but until recently I have never heard of someone having two baby showers) These are good friends of ours as well so I do not want to burn the friendship. WWYD in this situation?
DH suggested just telling them we are busy and leave it at that. Then once baby arrives do what we usually do for people that have had babies regardless of shower or not and get an outfit or something for the baby.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD?
It is totally tacky, but I don't understand why don't you want to go? Is it the principle of being tacky/gift grabby or do you just not want to buy a big present? I would probably go and bring a small gift, like you said what you buy after a baby is born.
If she's a good friend of yours, why risk that friendship over some etiquette bullshiit?
If your going to stand on your soapbox about this etiquette rule, then don't go and tell her the truth.
If I liked the people, and didn't have anything else to do, I'd go. If I didn't want to go, I'd skip it. Especially if your going to get them a gift regardless, might as well and go to the party and have a good time!
Yeah, I am not a huge fan of throwing yourself a shower. Actually, I am not a huge fan of housewarming parties either but that's another story.
Since they sound like pretty close friends and you were probably going to get the baby a present anyway, I would go and bring the gift I would have purchased after the baby is born. I wouldn't get them another gift later, though (although the first time I met the baby I might bring something little for the other child).
ITA.
If you're not going to go (you can always say you already have plans made for that day and are unable to attend), then just get her something small for the baby.
Eh, I wouldn't really care. Would I have a 2nd shower? No. That being said, I don't care what other people do. I would just attend with a small gift & perhaps a house warming gift.
It's really not worth risking a friendship over something to trivial.
I dont see what is tacky. Is she asking for baby gifts and housewarming gifts? Or is this a babyshower and since they just moved it its also a "come see our new house" thing?
I had a baby celebration for my second and all my friends have as well. I loved having family over and although gifts were not required or asked for people still brought them. For myself and other it was a baby celebration, no registry for gifts were set up.
If these are good friends then be excited for them and their new addition leave your ideals and drama at home. I am sure if she knew you had such a big problem with her having the shower she would not want you there anyways.
For me, I wouldn't be so judgy on the etiquette (even though this is something I wouldn't do myself). After 2 losses, I feel all babies are worth some celebration. And if this is a good friend, I'd definitely be happy to help out with some small gesture. Even if you show up with a box of diapers, you know it will be used and appreciated.
1. Having a second shower for baby the opposite gender of the first baby - not tacky
2. Throwing it for yourself - tacky.
Unable to even.
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First, I will say that a second shower for a child of the opposite gender is becoming more common, and more accepted. So I wouldn't think twice about that. Usually, the gifts are smaller -- more clothing, fewer high chairs/swings/pack 'n plays, etc.
As to her throwing the shower herself? Yes, it's totally tacky. My SIL did this for her second, as a "Baby-que." She made it sound like, "We had a shower for DS, so we want to do something special for DD, as well." I had asked if she wanted me to throw her a shower, but she said she didn't want one. I thought it was tacky, but it's not like we could skip it (it was co-ed).
People do things that are tacky. Sometimes, it involves throwing a party and inviting you. You can choose to do one of two things: (1) Politely overlook the faux pas and celebrate the occasion; or (2) politely decline (without giving the reason) and go on with your life.
In your case, if DH is still close to this friend, I'd probably go and enjoy the party. You can take a small gift (like a gender-specific outfit) rather than a big one. If they're not that close these days, and it really bothers you, then don't go.