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Single Parents
Single mom and only 8 weeks to go- mix of emotions...
Hi everyone,
I have'nt written much on the site because no one really replied back to my questions. I thought I'd give it another try so here goes...
Im 32 weeks today and nervous about being an first time single mom. My baby's daddy and I have not been together since January and it was the best decision overall for baby and me. He has been non-existent both physically (fine with me because of how he treated me) and financially (not ok with me since we decided to split everything 50/50).
To complicate things a little further, I am on bed rest, where I have been since March 31st. I have chronic hypertension which has added some complication to my pregnancy (Im also an older mom- Im 38). Being a workaholic, it was hard for me to transition to my hectic pace to stopping dead in my tracks and doing, well, nothing. I've adapted well though becasue I know it is best for baby and have used this time to reflect, learn more about me, and of course do all the things you need to do to get ready for baby.
I've long since come to terms with approaching parenthood alone and being a single mom, and have a great support system with family (my mom is my birthing coach and she could'nt be more excited). At any rate, I feel excited to meet my baby girl in July but really nervous too. Can anyone share the good, bad and ugly of their single parent journey with me? I could use all the advice, friendly support and reality checks available out there.
Thanks,
Melissa
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Re: Single mom and only 8 weeks to go- mix of emotions...
I was also alone for most of my pregnancy and that was a difficult time. My son is now two weeks old and while it has been very rewarding, it has been incredibly difficult to have a newborn without a partner. I thought was prepared to have a baby - the physical exhaustion, etc. but the emotional exhaustion and adjustment of having a child is truly indescribable. I know this is true for those even in the best of circumstances, but I think it does make it more difficult not having the support of your child's father.
Like you I have a very supportive family, so do have a "partner" in my mom so there are several hours a day where I can rest and know my son is taken care of. Do make sure to rely on your family whenever you can - if you don't take care of you, you can't take care of your child.
Try to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy and good luck with your delivery!
I was not technically single until my daughter was about 16 months old, so I can't really help with practical advice.
But I just wanted to wish you the best of luck and let you know that although I'm sure it will be very difficult to make the adjustment, once you do, the bond between a single mother and her child is something really special. It is more rewarding than I had ever thought it could be. There is just something about the way my daughter depends only on me for support... I feel even closer to her than I did when her father was around, and I hadn't thought that was even possible.
Good luck!
Well congrats on the upcoming excitement! Yay for the baby to get here!
I was also alone during my pregnancy, but had a great support in my mom and my sister in law.
You will be in such a mix of emotions those first few days, please remember at those times that we are here for support, most of the time you can find someone to talk to 24/7 on these boards. For me, I was riding the new mom high big time when I first had my son. I was determined that I could do it, I guess I felt I had to prove to people that since i made the choice to go down this road alone, I wasn't allowed to need them/complain about being tired.
I always hated when people told me to sleep when he slept, because I felt like that was the only time that I got to myself, to read, or bump, or do things like that... looking back, I wish I would have slept!!
I won't lie, it was really a challenge in the begining. I am six months in and I would still say it is. I'm also sure that the ladies with kids of all ages would say the same thing. But you will do exactly what you have to do and most of the time you won't even think twice.
Feel free to PM me anytime you want to chat, i totally get where you are coming from! Plus it's always nice to have a new single momma friend!
I would say the good is that you make all of the decisions. Name, nursery stuff, what to do in the middle of the night when they cry. But that can also be difficult because there are so many decisions to make and sometimes you just want someone else to bounce ideas off of.
The first year is rough as you're adjusting. I think I came out of the fog around 18 months. Now at three years, things are definitely getting a lot better!
Thanks for your story and sharing your experience. Good luck to you too and congrats on being a new mom!
melissa
Cam,
You sound alot like me in that I also feel like I feel I need to show others that I can do this and be ok. All in all, I know it does nto matter what other people think; the important thing is I have a beautiful daughter's arrival that I am eagerly awaiting.
Thanks for offering the support too; it means alot and I am sure I will need it even more after she arrives. I so need some mommy friends to share with and we can all use a new friend that is experiencing this new life at the same time.
I have a two week old and while bf was helpful during birth and time in the hospital, I think I would like to get rid of him. He does everything the opposite of how I want it done. When he is not around I am much happier. I get to make all the decisions. The only thing that is hard when he is not here is getting out of bed in the morning because I don't have someone to fight with.
Seriously, I want to spend these precious few months just bonding with my baby and he and his family and his way of doing things gets in my way and interrupts my plans. Really wish I was single at least for these precious few first weeks. I needed my mom's help though have someone come live with you for your first week out of the hospital.
I hate having to compromise when it comes to time with my daughter.