regret telling anyone you're TTC? (a bit of a vent)

lycih · May 2011

I know I'm brand new on here, but I was wondering if you guys told someone that you thought would be helpful during the TTC "journey," but then regretted it?
I told my oldest sister (she's pregnant now with her third) that we're TTC. We talk all the time, and I consider her my best friend. But, now she's obsessed with the idea that we could be pregnant together (I'm the youngest of six, she's the oldest. she thinks it would be really cool...) and every few days she sends me messages like asking how i'm "feeling", if i got a positive opk, etc. And, now I just feel like she's making my phantom symptoms worse!
I can't decide if I should ask her to back off, or just try harder not to buy into any phantom symptoms I think I have based on her constant questioning...

gigismomma · May 2011

My big sis [5 yrs older and has 3 boys] i go back and forth with her. She is happy we are TTC #2 but she thinks it should have happened a long time ago.

angelsnight · May 2011

I only told my two closest girlfriends, and one of them is also TTC (for her second though, I'm on my first), but that's it. My grandma asked today, lol, but I just told her soon. In addition to other reasons, I just couldn't tell my grandma that yeah we're having sex to TTC, lol.

My main reason for not telling anyone is I have no clue how long this will take, and I think if too many people know we're trying, that would put more pressure on me, like OMG it's been 6 months and everyone knows we've been trying all this time, etc. If you feel comfortable, I say gently ask your sister if she can tone it down a bit because it's stressing you out. I get that she's excited, but in reality kids can be as much as a year or two apart and still be close. Good luck!

hay1122 · May 2011

I work with almost all women, various ages and situations. I told a couple of my closer coworkers that I was TTC and they ask time to time if there's any news. Since it's been a year already and no BFP, they tend to ask less. I don't regret telling anyone because everyone's been supportive so far. Of course you do get those comments like "Oh, you just have to relax and it will happen," but I just let it go, because its hard to know what to say. Most of my coworkers got pregnant on accident, so the have no idea about hormone levels during a cycle, and they have no idea that its normal to have cycles greater than 28 days. That makes me giggle a little bit.

If you tell your sister that you're going to keep the details about TTC between you and hubby, I'm sure she'll understand. In my experience, if something takes a long time to happen, most people lose interest and they kinda forget all about it.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

I've mentioned it to a couple friends and told my sis when I had my CP. I wish I hadn't told my friends, now I feel like they're waiting to hear a big announcement whenever I talk to them. I really think it's better to keep it to yourself. If I were you I'd ask sis to tone it down a bit, GL!

Shaq1009 · May 2011

I would just ask her to give you a little space in the TTC area - and that if you want to talk you will come to her. Sometimes it is nice to have someone to talk to IRL but sometimes you would rather just not think about it. I told my mom and wished I hadn't, just because she kinda tried to pressure me to wait a while. GL!

SheenaNash1 · May 2011

MrsHaque1009:
I would just ask her to give you a little space in the TTC area - and that if you want to talk you will come to her. Sometimes it is nice to have someone to talk to IRL but sometimes you would rather just not think about it. I told my mom and wished I hadn't, just because she kinda tried to pressure me to wait a while. GL!

This is me too. I told my mom and she wants us to wait. So I wish I wouldn't have. I mean, we don't talk about it all the time, and she doesn't really bring it up, but I don't like knowing that I don't have her full support.

lycih · May 2011

thanks, ladies.
yeah, i think i'm going to have to deal with this the same way i dealt with the phase of unemployment post grad school (it may have taken a year, but once i finally got a job, i told you... if i get pregnant, i will tell you... haha)

my husband would tell strangers on the street that we're TTC if i didn't rein him in, so i think i just wasn't expecting my sister to be the one adding so much extra pressure.

mcromer · May 2011

While at his cousin's baptism, my DH told his ENTIRE family that we are TTC. I know he's excited but now that's all I hear about from MIL, cousins, etc. I told my best friend of 19 years but that's it and I don't regret it.

taschro · May 2011

I don't regret telling anyone. The only ones I've told are my parents and one close friend. My parents are being so great and non-pushy. My mom knows that it can take a while to conceive (it took her almost a year with me), so I love that I can talk to her.

On the other hand, I regret my husband telling my MIL. Ugh. Apparently she told people who are friends of ours and somehow it spread like wildfire, which is the opposite of what I wanted to happen. My husband got a phone call from a friend he hadn't talked to in a year and this friend knew! He heard it from another friend who heard it from my BIL...I don't even know.

retallica · May 2011

Unfortunately I regret telling anyone IRL. They constantly ask me if I am pregnant yet, and give me "helpful", extremely annoying, obvious, and unwanted advice. It is really frustrating.

teachergal05 · May 2011

SheenaNash1:

MrsHaque1009:
I would just ask her to give you a little space in the TTC area - and that if you want to talk you will come to her. Sometimes it is nice to have someone to talk to IRL but sometimes you would rather just not think about it. I told my mom and wished I hadn't, just because she kinda tried to pressure me to wait a while. GL!

This is me too. I told my mom and she wants us to wait. So I wish I wouldn't have. I mean, we don't talk about it all the time, and she doesn't really bring it up, but I don't like knowing that I don't have her full support.

I haven't told my mom about our plans to TTC soon, but babies have come up before. When I told her the other day that I was starting grad school next month she was really supportive about that, but went into this spill about how I need to get it finished before having kids. She said it would be almost impossible to complete while working full time after LO comes along. I know it could take a while to become pg so I'm confident that I can finish most of my masters by then. It was really discouraging to hear her say so I decided that I will most likely not be mentioning TTC until I'm pg and it won't matter.

tickled_pickle · May 2011

Yeah, I regret telling my friend. I posted here that I was considering telling her a couple days ago, and I ended up telling her. She was really surprised, and then wondered why I hadn't mentioned it before. I told her I'd been nervous to tell her because I was worried she wouldn't get it, which got her totally offended. And then she proceeded to ask me why we would want another one so soon (DD is 1) and to point out that we would need a bigger place... she sounded the opposite of supportive, even though she said she was excited for me. It got me really down, but I kept telling myself that if I am pregnant it won't matter because then she'll be happy for me. Now with my BFN this morning (*sob*), I am trying to prepare myself for her "So are you KU yet?" and "Are you sure about this?" questioning for at least another month, maybe more. Ugh.

She's a really, really good friend and I love her dearly, but sometimes she can be a little insensitive, especially when it comes to things that aren't in line with her own personal agenda. I wish I had gone with my initial instinct not to say anything, but I admit that I was feeling particularly hopeful this cycle. Until now. Boohoo.

byrne15 · May 2011

We didn't really tell anybody until I started fertility treatments...

I was getting sick of the "when's #2 coming" and "your son needs someone to play with" comments. I was actually releaved when we told people since they were more sympathetic then and don't ask specifically anymore.

However, I am glad I didn't tell anyone in the 1st year we were TTC

kmritte1 · May 2011

I have regretted telling anyone other than my mother and best friend. After ttc for 1.5yrs; I'm tired of the questions, advice, and comments from everyone else. Plus, the pity look from those that get a bfp from thinking about ttc is exhausting. My advice, keep it between you and DH until you're prego or really want someone's input.

lindawilson317 · May 2011

I made the mistake of telling people at my work. They are constantly asking if I'm pregnant and giving me advice on how to get pregnant. When I do get pregnant it's going to be hard to not tell them since they ask all the time. I wish I had only told family!

As for the phantom symptoms I think those are impossible to not pay attention to. How can you ignore them when they are there to constantly remind you you're trying to get pregnant and hoping you are pregnant! I found that not taking pregnancy tests before I missed my period made it easier to deal with the monthly disappointment.

Hang in there it will happen for you, keep positive, and be honest with your sister she will understand your frustration, she may have even felt this way before.

johnson617 · May 2011

I am currently TTC #1, while my older sister is TTC#2. I firmly stated when I mentioned I went off BC that I would let them know when it happened, so not to bug me. I said it kind of jokingly, but so far so good! No questions from anyone!

Penguin1318 · May 2011

hay1122:

I work with almost all women, various ages and situations. I told a couple of my closer coworkers that I was TTC and they ask time to time if there's any news. Since it's been a year already and no BFP, they tend to ask less. I don't regret telling anyone because everyone's been supportive so far. Of course you do get those comments like "Oh, you just have to relax and it will happen," but I just let it go, because its hard to know what to say. Most of my coworkers got pregnant on accident, so the have no idea about hormone levels during a cycle, and they have no idea that its normal to have cycles greater than 28 days. That makes me giggle a little bit.

If you tell your sister that you're going to keep the details about TTC between you and hubby, I'm sure she'll understand. In my experience, if something takes a long time to happen, most people lose interest and they kinda forget all about it.

I am in your same boat. All my co-workers/friends have had "oopsies" so they really don't understand the frustration of actually planning to have a baby and it taking longer that a try or 2... I completely stopped talking about anything with them because I honestly couldn't take another "just relax" comment. I stick to venting to my DH and when family ask when we are planning on getting pg my answer is usually "mmm maybe next yr"...

It's hard to share with those who don't understand and it's even harder to constantly get asked "are you pg yet?" you are under enough pressure from TTC month after month.

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