Work anxiety? (mostly need reassurance...or valium ;-)

shaindelr · May 2011

Hey, All...

Is anyone else's employer going through contract negotiations right now? My college seems to be doing what most educational institutions are doing and messing with our faculty union. The faculty has agreed to get only a 1% raise, but the administration wants all of this other stuff from us--to decrease our seniority pay increases, mess with insurance benefits, etc.

Last night, I had a dream that I went to my office to get something and one of my bookcases was gone and my posters were off the wall, and they told me I'd been fired. I know it was just a dream, but it completely freaked me out.

I know that my job is still there when I get back, but check this out from our local newspaper:

the college has done away with all full time instructors for history, criminal justice, philosophy, economics, and foreign language, and just two years ago threatened to get rid of the only full time sociology and music teachers

I got passed over for English department head because of having a baby. The old department head just said he thought I had "other things on my plate" and he "hoped I understood." And as soon as I got tenure, everyone picked on me, saying, "Are you going to have a baby now?" since they can't fire you then for having one, so, yes, that's when female professors have a baby.

I think I just feel like I didn't realize how vulnerable I was making my job by having a baby, and now that our contract negotiations are heating up and in the newspaper, I'm sort of freaking out.

I feel like I'm doing everything I can. I've even gone to campus to do things like hand out the annual writing awards (and I took Liam with me). I'm doing a Skype thing from campus so that students from Purdue University who studied my book can interview me as part of their class final, so the college knows I'm dedicated, people see me around, etc.

But all of the mixed messages are sort of crazymaking (an actual psychological term). The college president visits me in the hospital and brings me flowers the day after I have Liam, but he jokes on the front page of the employee newsletter that I had him early so I could get out of co-chairing the festival, then he only thanked my co-chair for her hard work when I'd worked on it all year (and she's the one who will be the new English department head).

See what I mean? Sorry so long and frazzled... I honestly think I'll feel better when I'm back teaching June 27th for part-time summer classes. I think being at home where I don't know what the heck I'm doing with a baby versus at work doing something I'm confident doing is making me crazy too :-(

campbaby76 · May 2011

I am sorry! I do understand your concerns, I have had many of the same. My organization is struggling right now and I really feel like if it were not for this baby i might already be gone. The financial drama that we were facing when I left is a little better, but things are still pretty tumultuous. I have been doing what you are doing, taking care of things that I can. Answering staff members questions, sitting in on the interviews for a potential new staff, gathering info for grants, making arrangements for pool repairs, and sat in on the interviews for a new executive director. The last was a huge waste of time and there were people from our association office were involved and i thought I would at least hear "thanks for coming in for the day even though you are on Leave.". When I left that day I reminded myself that this was my career but it did not need to be my life, that this job and this organization was not going to take care of me in my old age and that I was my childs only advocate. So yes, I know better what is expected of me in the job that I have been doing for the last 5 years but if it doesn't, than that is ok because it's just a job and I will be doing something that is of value no matter what. This time that I am doing this job is really such a short time in the grand scheme of things. I am really just a blip incite radar much less important than I once thought I was but the importance in my kids life???? Huge! I am sorry that you are worried about your job, it us just more stress that none of us need! Sorry for the range.

genaruthp · May 2011

*hugs*

That does sound pretty awful. But I am a total optimist, and things will work out. I think you will feel better once you are back to work.

campbaby76 · May 2011

I reread that and realized that at 3:00 am I should keep things to myself. Here is what i think, things will work out the way they are supposed to. And I agree w pp once we get back to work we will actually know what is happening rather than guessing or assuming. Again the unknown is so much scarier than the known. It will all be ok in the end!

shaindelr · May 2011

Thanks so much, guys... Campbaby, I appreciate everything you said... It helps to know I'm not the only one. Hugs to you both! (1-hand typing)

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Work anxiety? (mostly need reassurance...or valium ;-)

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