Community› The Bump Message Boards› Trying to Get Pregnant
Trying to Get Pregnant
New Discussion

always second place...

trebmaltrebmal
in Trying to Get Pregnant

So as you all know my FH was married before. They have a 7 year old daughter together and the last time she was with us she told us her mom was pregnant.

Now today she told us that because her mom is pregnant they are getting a new house.

Now I am fine with all of that.  I really am, I am jealous, I will admit, because I want my first baby so badly.  I don't understand how she told my FH 7 years ago that she HAD to get pregnant within 6 months and FH knew their marriage wasn't great and wasn't quite ready for a child, but he did it for her because they were married and he valued their vows (I'm not saying he did the right thing, but it's neither here nor there because they have a child) or she'd never have a child and now here 7 years later and married for 6 months she is already KU but whatever.

What I am sad about is that the way she told my step daughter is by giving her a "I'm going to be a big sister" shirt for her birthday.  Which is what I wanted to do for her when we get our BFP. Now it'll just be, "oh, I already have that at mommy's".  grrrrrrrrrrr

I know this is whiny and I apologize but I am sick of being second.  I will be his second wife, I'll be the second person he gets KU, my child will be his second child and I am tired of always being second.  He's done it all before, nothing new here. 

Feel free to ignore me.  I totally realize I am whining and I apologize, I just haven't been feeling all that great about myself lately with not getting my contract renewed and AF coming last week the day before I was going to take a HPT. 

Sorry to be such a PITA.

Thanks for letting me vent. 

 

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: always second place...

  • KLN1179KLN1179 member
    I would feel the exact same way!  You will think of something totally awesome for SD when it is your turn.  Who needs another shirt anyway?!  I am the second wife too, so I get it. (no kids though)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • AmomtomanyluvsAmomtomanyluvs

    Hugs. It is hard being the second wife and coming into a family that already exists. I understand only slightly because my step son's mother and my dh were never married and he has no connections with his ex wife at all. 

    Big hugs, whine all you want, it is ok.  

    Photobucket BabyFetus Ticker BabyName Ticker
    Report Reply
  • annycarlsonannycarlson

    I hear ya... I'm not the second wife, and DH doesn't have any kids from before, but it's a different kind of "second" with his family.  His brother got married first, so we were the "second" wedding.  Then his brother & wife got pregnant first, so we'll have the "second" grandchild (assuming we can get KTFU).  I'm tired of being second, too!

    ::hugs::

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Ladybug720Ladybug720

    The reality of it is that it is hard. Its hard being a step parent. Its hard being a second wife, and its hard knowing that the FIRST wife has something with your SO that you dont. 

    I am there, and I completely understand (however my H is in the same place as I am divorced and my ex is the father of my children).

    Taking on a man that has "been there done that" means that there is always going to be something, be prepared to for that.

    Good luck! And remember that the blended families board is there, and is great! 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Moose2000Moose2000
    I know what you mean. But on the other hand, this is his first marriage with you, and it will be his first child with YOU.  It will be a different experience for him because of that!  Hang in there Smile
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • brookelynpaisleybrookelynpaisley member

    imageMoose2000:
    I know what you mean. But on the other hand, this is his first marriage with you, and it will be his first child with YOU.  It will be a different experience for him because of that!  Hang in there Smile

    Agreed. I'm sorry OP, and I don't know what it's like. But you'll be doing everything for the first time and as long as your husband acknowledges that and makes you feel special for it being YOUR first time, I would try to focus on that. You're absolutely entitled to a pity party now and then, though, because it can't be easy.

    And hey, now you get to blow the ex-wife's announcement to your SD out of the water. I know how it is to have your heart set on how you want to announce for a special event - I can definitely relate to you there. But every cycle that goes by, I get to come up with a new way to look forward to. I'm currently trying to be optimistic about announcing a "gift" for myself for my birthday. Hang in there, you'll get your BFP. Maybe the ex will have a boy and you'll get to give you everyone their first son, grandson, and brother :)

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    P/SAIF Welcome
    Invisible Finish Line
    3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
    7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
    DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
    Report Reply
  • mt05mt05

    I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Even though I am not in the same situation, I can understand why you're feeling that way.

    The only advice I have is to focus on what you do have and it seems that when you do get your BFP, your FH will be ready and excited because this is something that you both want together, not him being pressured into it. Good luck and I hope your BFP comes soon enough!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Oct Angel Babies
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"