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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
shakes
member
Highly inappropriate story for PARENTS about to loose it with bedtime! Funny but possibly offensive.
shakes
member
My cousin just sent me this link, I never laughed so hard at 6am as I just did! I will pre-warn, that there are a few people who will NOT find this amusing at all. BUT the vast majority of the humour I see on here fits the bill.
Enjoy!
Go the fvck to sleep! By Adam Mansbach
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You?re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the fvck to sleep.
The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I?ll read you one very last book if you swear
You?ll go the fvck to sleep.
The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you?re not thirsty. That?s bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the fvck down, my darling, and sleep.
The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
It?s been thirty-eight minutes already.
Jesus Christ, what the fvck? Go to sleep.
All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can?t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fvck to sleep
The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the fvck up and sleep.
The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How is it you can do all this other great shiit
But you can?t lie the fvck down and sleep?
The seeds slumber beneath the earth now
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more questions. This interview?s over.
I?ve got two words for you, kid: fvcking sleep.
The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
Fvck your stuffed bear, I?m not getting you shiit.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.
The flowers doze low in the meadows
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure, I?m a shitty-ass parent.
Stop fvcking with me, please, and sleep
The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing.
As I lie here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, I?ll bring you some milk.
Who the fvck cares? You?re not gonna sleep.
This room is all I can remember.
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You escape. You run down the hall.
As I nod the fvck off, and sleep.
Bleary and dazed I awaken
To find your eyes shut, so I keep
My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away
And pray that you?re fvcking asleep.
We?re finally watching our movie.
Popcorn?s in the microwave. Beep.
Oh shiit. Goddamn it. You?ve gotta be kidding.
Come on, go the fvck back to sleep.
THE END
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Highly inappropriate story for PARENTS about to loose it with bedtime! Funny but possibly offensive.
I'm getting that for DH for Father's Day.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Any parent who is offended by that needs to chill the fvck out.
That's awesome!
They have it on Amazon! The author blurb is hystercial too.
heading over to amazon right now
I read yesterday that they're releasing it in June now because of the demand.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Here's the author blurb, just bc you guys are so down to earth!
Adam Mansbach?s novels include The End of the Jews, winner of the California Book Award, and the bestselling Angry Black White Boy, a San Francisco Chronicle Best Book
of 2005. His fiction and essays have appeared in The New York Times Book Review, TheBeliever, Granta, The Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. He is the 2010-11
New Voices Professor of Fiction at Rutgers University.
Ricardo Cort?s has illustrated books about marijuana, electricity, the Jamaican bobsled team, and Chinese food. His work has been featured in The New York Times, Vanity Fair,
Entertainment Weekly, New York Magazine, The Village Voice, and on CNN and FOX News.He lives in Brooklyn, NY, where he is working on a book about the history of Coca-Cola andcocaine. You can see his work at: Rmcortes.com
This. I'm ordering this book if it's coming out in June!! Awesome.
LOL us too. Awesome for DH!
This. I ordered it from Amazon and my Mom sent it to me in PDF form this morning. I had tears running down my face I was laughing so hard.
The novelty of it, really. I'm probably gonna end up ordering it for a friend who's due in June.