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April 2011 Moms
stephanie_shoe
member
I can't talk to my husband...
stephanie_shoe
member
Lately things with Ashlen have been soooo hard. She has been so colicky and not napping and basically her crying is like a ping-pong ball rattling around in my head. This makes for a very long day for me.
When my husband comes home from work, his idea of helping me is just to stick her in the swing or crib and let her cry her little head off. This only lasts a few seconds with me, because I immediately go to her when she starts crying. Then he tells me that's the reason I don't get anything done; because I always tend to her. I tried telling him how overwhelmed I was, and the house being so messy was really bothering the crap out of me, and then he told me since I'm so worried about the house being clean, that my priorities are all effed up!!!! Excuse me???
He doesn't help me out at night now that he has gone back to work, and is complaining about lack of sleep. When I try to tell him I'm tired too, he dismisses it because I'm "home all day and can sleep whenever I want." Apparently I'm supposed to sleep with the baby being awake all day like she has been. And he won't help me out with housework because he's too tired when he gets home, because he is working long hours in order for me to stay at home...and then he told me to stop complaining or find a job and he would stay at home. I'm so frustrated with him. I told him that a good solution was for him to move out until she starts sleeping through the night!!
OK, vent over.
Stephanie Hsu
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I can't talk to my husband...
You know that J&J commercial with the tagline "A baby changes everything" - it's SOOOOOOO true! Having a baby is an adjustment for everyone and it seems like your dh isn't adjusting well. He may feel overwhelmed and scared and he doesn't know how to adjust. That's hard for him and for your marriage.
Do you have any help nearby? Maybe you can call a friend/family member to watch the baby while you get out a bit during the day (or even get in a quick nap!). Maybe you can make a date for a night out with your dh and see if you can reconnect a little as a married couple.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now. If his behavior seems to be getting worse, maybe bring up counseling - either together or separately.
Good luck.
ditto to pp it is an adjustment for everyone. With ds#1 he had colic and acid reflux and dh just didn't get why I was so frazzled and exhausted all the time. Then I worked part time at a bookstore usually just working a 4 hour shift and leaving him w/ a babysitter during that time. Well one Sat. I had to work an 8 hour shift so DH stayed home w/ him. when I got back DH truly understood what I went through every day. He just didn't truly get what it was like until he was the only one there to care for him w no one else to help out. I think sometimes they just have to experience it first hand to truly get it.
Maybe talk to him and see where he's at. He may be feeling overwhelmed and not know what to do. I remember my DH thinking I had all the answers and knew exactly how to do everything so he felt he couldn't/shouldn't really bother since i had it all under "control". He really felt like i was much better at it than he was so I had to step back and let him figure things out for himself.
Like pp said a date night would be good or even counseling if you think that would help. Hang in there.
June Siggy: Fave pic of Aubrey and me
If I were you: Let your husband know that you need a break and get him to agree to you going out for a night. Gather up your best girl friends and have a night to relax and have a few cocktails. Take your time, stay out late (you'll be tired no matter what the next day if baby isn't sleeping) and let your hubby have one on one time with baby. Also - just leave him a list (a small one of course
) of things that he could do to help out, don't say "this is what you need to do", but rather "if you could do these things that would be really helpful".
If it was like the first time I went out and left hubby at home with LO, he was exhausted and the house was messier than when I left! I asked him how it went and why the house was so messy and all he could say was "Thank God you are home". He had quite the time dealing with baby, the dog, trying to eat dinner, yada yada yada - all the stuff that we can multitask. But since then, (and after chatting), he's now way more appreciative.
If that doesn't work, then tell him to stay home and you'll go to work
That won't last long.
UGH. I'm so sorry. I agree with the previous posters about date night, getting out with friends, or counseling if it comes to that.
Opposite Land here. Jared is sooo good with Liam, and I'm looking forward to June 27th when I go back to work part-time to start with and finally become sane again. Yesterday there was a poop blow out and screaming (Liam, not me) and Jared was in the garage building a dresser, and I called him on my cell and just held the phone to the baby screaming so he would come in and rescue me. Today at our local coffeeshop, he was holding Liam on his shoulder and our friend's one-year-old on his knee, and I was thinking, "Who is this good with kids? Is he an alien?" *sigh*
He actually asked me a bit ago if I'd be okay home alone all day tomorrow with Liam so he can install windows in our friend's house. I didn't answer him because I couldn't honestly. At least it's only a few blocks away.
Mac and cheese lover!
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16