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August 2011 Moms
Short vent regarding showers
I am really getting tired of people falling through their promises on me....
I had a friend want to throw me a baby shower. Then I found out she was having an affair with DH.... yea right like that was happening (hello stress for the last 2 months from that!). So another friend offered to throw me a baby shower. She said to call her, so I did and left a message. She has yet to call back. She left me message on Facebook saying she wants to meet for dinner and discuss shower stuff so I told her what days I'm free, no answer back. I'm worried about badgering her and seeming.... I guess selfish is the word I'm looking for? I just want to know what is going on.
DH's dad's side of the family has said they want to throw me a shower, but I have not heard anything past that. I was not expecting such a gesture from them as we literally just met them late last year (MIL kept DH from that side of the family. DH said he wanted to meet them (aunts, uncles, cousins, half-siblings) and it took me 3 years, but I found them). I was so surprised when they said that they wanted to, and grateful, but no one has mentioned anything as of late.
My mom also wants to throw me a shower, inviting my family and DH's family (not including the ones mentioned above, but my MIL and that side). Again, I was incredibly grateful. I should have known it would only go downhill when she said she wasn't going to buy any decorations because they were just an added expense and that if I want them I need to buy them. (And honestly, it was more her tone than anything) My mom has settled on a date at least and I gave her a few friends to invite at her request. But she has not done anything else (I asked how the planning was going). Invites are not done or sent out or anything. And the shower is supposed to be June 19th. I may not be so anxious if it wasn't for the fact that the shower is being held at my house so I need to make sure my house is ready and how many to get it ready for.
I am just tired of feeling like my hopes are getting up and then nothing will happen. I thought I would hear something by now... I'm hoping that I will be surprised and suddenly hear back from everyone this week. As of right now though, H and I are working off the assumption that we are not getting anything and that anything we get is a wonderful surprise.
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Re: Short vent regarding showers
Your friend was having an affair with YOUR DH? Or cheating on her own??
Yeah...WHAAAA?? I only retained about 15% of the information after that.
Same here! I read it twice, but still stuck on the DH thing!
Admittedly, a shower would be the last thing on my mind, but that's your business.
My advice, let your mom throw you one, she seems to be the most reliable one out of the bunch. You really don't need decorations to have a great shower, just food and loved ones! Can you invite DH's new side of the family to your mom's shower?
Like you said, you're gonna get presents, and it will all be a blessing! Good luck!
This is exactly my thought.
If I understood correctly she has known about the affair for 2 months, so I can see focusing on the baby and being positive - again if I understood correctly, her and her H are working things through right now.
I would be disappointed too if someone (in these case a few people) talked about throwing a shower and then didn't do anything about it. You only have your first baby once, a shower is exciting to have!
OP - would it help to say to your mom something like "if the invites don't get out soon people aren't going to be able to come because they may have other plans." I had to mention this to my mom. She is super excited to throw the shower but because of some family things and a vacation she had planned the time frame snuck up on her, her words, not mine. So my friendly reminder got things moving again - I reminded her because I had people asking me when my shower would be.
oh, boy. I don't usually reply heavily to these types of threads, but like the other posters, I couldn't get past the friend and DH affair thing. I will not tell you whether or not you should or should not be working this out with your husband...BUT I'd kick that "friend" to the curb! IMO, she is not a friend. She can not be trusted. I'd tell her to shove that shower planning up her butt. Seriously. I know I prob sound pretty harsh, but it sounds like she has no idea what being a friend is about. I am sure you have other friends, or could make some, so I wouldn't waste my time with her!
As far as shower let down...I can understand that completely. Something very similar happened to me (the people planning a shower thing...not the affair!) and it was very disheartening to see that it was going to just fall through for various reasons. For myself, it made me feel like no one else thought my baby was special enough to celebrate, and like you I think anything that does happen would be a very nice surprise no matter what it is.
All this. Showers cause so much unnecessary drama... I'm sure you will get lots of presents and stuff for the baby and look back and wonder why it got you so riled up.
Yeah I agree here. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. But everyone is different and has to make their own choices for their own reasons.
If I could combine the two family showers I would, but my MIL wants absolutely nothing to do with H's other side of the family.
I guess I was just getting frustrated over all of this because so many are offering to throw them, getting lists from me, wanting to talk with me, and then I hear nothing for weeks.
I really am grateful that people want to throw me showers. It's just the lack of communication that puts me on edge.
Wow, that is alot!! I mean I was stuck on your DH having an affair with your friend. Sorry you have to go through this, especially at this time. I am glad to see that you and your DH are trying to work it out.
As for the shower, I would let your mother throw it. All that matters is that you have people around you that love and support you and your LO. The decorations and all the other shower nuances really do not matter. Good Luck with everything.
I forgot the "" when I said friend earlier. She is no friend. She is as far out of my life as I can get her to be (unfortunately lots of mutual friends...... several who defend her but that is a whole other topic)
I will try your advice with my mom.
How could anyone possibly defend that??!! Completely unacceptable. However, I agree with other PPs that it's probably just best to focus on the baby and working things out with DH. Good for you for being in counseling!
Sorry you keep getting let down about the showers. It sounds more like you just need something else to focus on than the DH situation and nothing's coming through for you. I agree with the others and just talk with your mom and focus on that shower for now, then if the others come through, great. If not then that's ok too. Although mom doesn't want to buy decorations maybe you could get with her one day and "make" some. Like for games and such. I've seen some really cute ideas with baby pictures of people in the family and then having to match them to the grown up picture or making pacifiers out of life savers and jelly beans into necklaces for the Can't Say "baby" game. Maybe doing things like that would help give you something to focus on and help you spend some time with mom while making the shower feel more like a shower than a get together with gifts. Just an idea!
I think you're handling this extremely maturely, and I think you'll be able to get through a couple of "misplanned" baby showers just fine!
I'm sure in the end you'll have too many people trying to last-minute plan showers for you all at once. Most people don't offer, ask for lists, then drop it. They could be busy, or trying to surprise you!
Wow... I am so extremely sorry you are having to go through all that while pregnant.
I agree that you are handling this well. ( I wouldnt handle this well at all) But I can see how focusing on the little one is the best right now.
So on to the shower subject. I agree with what you said at the bottom of your post. If it happens, it happens! great! and if it doesnt it doesnt. When I was still in my first trimester I had one person say to me "so you know im throwing you a shower right?" .... which i didnt know. Then my MIL said "So when can I throw you a shower?". So I told my friend and my MIL that they had offered and wanted to see if they wanted to do it together. Which they agreed. time had gone by, which is really no big deal, but then SOOO many people kept asking "whens your shower?". Like I had any clue! It was such a frustrating thing to had to anwser so I finally just asked my MIL and friend and explained why I was wondering about the date even though we hadn't discussed it in months. I didnt hear back for awhile (I dont live in the same state as my MIL and we're not close). and just decided if it was going to happen, that would be great and if it wasnt. Then no biggie. Can't force 'em
It did end up happening though and they send out invites within a couple weeks of the shower and plenty of people came (mostly my MIL's friends... but it was still nice) I hope everything works out for you!!!
me too, i give you credit for working through it or trying to
I would go with your mom throwing you a shower seems like the most sane choice
OMFG. That is ridiculous. I am sorry you are having to deal with this and commend you for your maturity and composure. I don't even know where I would begin! I hope the mom shower option works out and you can enjoy it and not have more drama to worry about.
This. I find cheating to be completely abhorrant and totally unforgiveable. Once a cheater, always a cheater. But that's just my opinion. Good for you for doing what you need to do to stay sane and make things work for you.
Like PPs have said, I'd stick with mom. I'm sure you'll still have a beautiful shower. FWIW, if you *must* have decorations, you can always hit up the dollar store or Party City - they usually have some pretty inexpensive but cute things, and you wont have to spend a fortune....
let mom throw the shower and help out if she needs assistance. Best of luck with working things out with your H. FYI mutual friends should mind their business and not give their opinions about what happened between you, your H and the tramp he was sleeping with.
same here, good luck hun
I took the advice and brought it up to my mom as "I am worried that if people aren't notified soon, they won't be able to make it to the shower" this weekend as we were painting the nursery (ok, they were painting. I was supervising an supplying the snacks and drinks). She told me that the she would buy the invites the next day and sent them out today! She just needed two addresses which I still had from when I did my wedding invites 2 years ago. So I sent those to her. I feel a lot better knowing that things are progressing there.
Thank you everyone for the advice and support and just letting me vent