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Attachment Parenting
anna7602
member
DD's fixation with genders & toys
anna7602
member
I posted a week or two ago about DD saying boys can't wear pink. Today, she told me boys don't like princesses. I told her that was silly, that plenty of boys like princesses. She became very adamant that "no, boys like cars!" Again, I said maybe some boys like cars, but some boys like cars AND princesses and that some girls like cars, too, etc.
Finally, I asked her who told her this and she said our babysitter. Now, I know that children aren't always reliable narrators, and I also know that DD is around so many other people besides me- friends, teachers at school, etc. But she does spend 1 whole day every week with our babysitter.
So, would you say something to the babysitter? And if so, what, exactly? I could make a light joke out of it, but what if our babysitter really does tell DD things like "boys don't wear pink" and "boys don't like princesses"? She does seem kind of traditional, for lack of a better word, and she certainly won't be the first person DD meets who thinks like this. Is it just better to keep doing what I'm doing and not worry so much about the other influences on DD's thinking in this respect?
I am overthinking this, I'm sure. It just really riles me up when DD says stuff like this.
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Re: DD's fixation with genders & toys
I would talk to the babysitter. I would just say something like, "I've been trying to raise DD to see the world in an open-minded way, and she mentioned you said that boys like cars and girls like princess. I don't know if you did since she's only x years old, but I just wanted to voice my concerns."
I almost think if you're *too* nice and open it up for discussion, she'll get defensive or back-pedal or lie or something. If you just say, "This is the way I want to raise my child," you don't give her the room to do that.
That being said, when I was in college, I used to babysit a BEAUTIFUL little girl with dark curly hair who always wanted to brush my hair because I had "Barbie hair." And I'd say, "Your hair is pretty," and she'd say, "Not like Barbie's hair."
I talked to her mom and mentioned I was surprised her daughter had Barbies. (Her mom went to Berkely, super-feminist, etc.) And her mom said, "You'll be surprised when you have kids how much you give in... Someone else buys her the Barbies, and you let her keep them." So, you can't control everything...
Mac and cheese lover!
This exactly. By asking this way you can ascertain both your babysitter's views and what DD's been sharing with her before making any accusations or putting her on the spot.
GL!
I actually do have a babysitter who says this type of stuff to my kid, and in my situation, this is such a minor issue. My babysitter is great in 10,000 other ways, and I really don't believe that her comments will have a long-term effect on DS. She has said stuff before like, "You don't want the pink one! That's for girls!" It is irritating, but when I am around her, I just make it a point to let her know that I am fine with him choosing pink, wearing dresses, or whatever else he wants to do that is not "boyish." I've never told her not to say certain things to him.
However, my babysitter is a family friend who watches DS because she loves him. It is probably easier for me to get over these more minor things when I think of the big ways that she has improved his life. I might feel differently if we had a different type of relationship.
Also, she is going to hear things like this from her friends, too. Especially if her friends have older siblings who are in school - they become very aware of gender differences and there is a lot of peer pressure to fit in to the "right" gender role. The information then trickles down to their siblings and then to their siblings friends.