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July 2011 Moms
MamaC2b2011
member
Where are my pals at? *Vent*
MamaC2b2011
member
Anyone else having a hard time with friendships lately?
I think it probably happens more so for FTM since, this is a major change to our lives, but I have never had a soild group of girls. I used to have these two girls who were my bff's but, a lot happened right before my wedding and I stopped talking to them. We are 'friends' again but it's not what is was. I just feel lately, or probably am more sensitive to it, that not many people have asked me "how are you feeling/doing?".
I get it a TON at work, and that's great but, when it comes to your friends, it's different. They know you, they (I thought were supposed to) care. I have always been that friend that people come to for sound advice when in a crisis, and though I'm not in a crisis by any means, I really feel like 99% of the people I callled a friend once, are no where to be found. I've reached out, I still talk to a few of them (a small amount compared to the friends I had before) but if they are to be found, they ramble about themselves, some never even MENTIONING my life, or how LO is doing in there?
What's going on here? I am 26 years old, and was absolutely, the first of my group of friends to marry. That was hard in it's own way too. I'm going to be a brat and say here that, a lot of my friends still haven't grown up. Some still even live at home at 25-28. Boozing and partying seem to be most of their priorities still, it makes me feel like there's nothing to say to them. Which is why, I guess I don't talk to them anymore.
I just feel like I've made the wrong friends, or rather, kept the wrong kind of people around... I have lost a true foundation of where real friendships even remain. I needed to vent to people that would hopefully understand. I talk to my DH about it often and he's so supportive and understanding. At least I know I married my best friend in life.
Anyone else questioning themselves, "Where are my friends at?"
Thanks for reading.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Where are my pals at? *Vent*
I was venting to my poor dad one day and he told me that I'm a parent now, I don't have friends. I thought he was kidding, but I'm not so sure anymore.
I was on FB one day, about 2 months pregnant, and saw that a friend of mine had posted a bunch of pictures from a barbeque she'd thrown. I see her several times a week and she's never mentioned it. We're like in her core group of friends, I thought. Okay, that's fine. I'm just being silly. Then a couple of months later, another get together I hadn't heard about until afterwards. Then I asked what she was doing that weekend and she made some lame excuse not to make plans. I kind of expected to grow apart from some people, but I didn't expect to be crossed off everyone's invite list so quickly. Wow.
Then there's the situation with my former best friend. Her greasy longtime live-in admitted that he's wanted to hook up with me for years (wait.... wtf?) and had to tell me now, you know, before I got all fat and pregnant (he's a gem). When I told him to absolutely stay away from me, he started bullying me. Finally I had to say something to her. I knew that I'd lose her if I did, but I didn't really have any other choice. He was getting really aggressive and doing this we have a secret thing like child molesters do. He wasn't going to let it go.
So in the battle of known cheater vs. best friend of years and years who has been there for her every time she's had to come crying to me because he treats her like dirt, apparently dirtbag wins the day. Not only has she quit speaking to me (oh, and canceled my baby shower), the awful little troublemaker than I am, but a bunch of our friends are totally avoiding me to to spare her feelings. Because this is high school and people can't handle their own mess (I'm pushing 30, she's in her 40s)
All awesome people. Really. Sorry for turning this into my own vent. It's really lonely finding out that people who you've cared about and really been there for aren't really eager to be excited for you and share this really exciting time in your life, but at least your kid doesn't have to know them, right? That's how I'm looking at it right now anyway, you know, since I have so much alone time to look at it.
I'm sorry, hon.
I'm the last of my friends to get married & have children... and yet I've experienced dwindling friendships since I got pregnant. I've been the "3rd wheel" for so long and I've tagged along with friends while they take their kids to baseball games, recitals, birthday parties, etc. I'm always the one to accomodate my friend's schedules & go to their houses instead of having them come to mine... Since I've been on bedrest, I haven't seen my best friend once. I understand that she is busy with work & her kids but sometimes I do feel like maybe the friendship is one sided? It's been extremely lonely and I'm so thankful for DH but I miss having girlfriends to talk to.
DH lost most of his friends when we got married (and shortly before). His friends are very similiar to yours... irresponsible & still stuck in that drinking/partying phase. DH has grown up and they haven't. It's hard on him to lose friends but he just has nothing in common with them anymore. He's sitting at home on a Friday night watching a movie and they are out getting drunk & sleeping around.
Hopefully after your LO is here, you can join some mommy groups and get to know other young moms in your area. ((hugs))
Wow, I literally feel like I wrote your post! I'm 26 also and the first of my friends to get married. I've never had a ton of friends but the few that I've kept from college aren't the friends I really thought they would be.
I definitely agree about marrying my best friend. He's amazing but it stinks that he's working OOT so much right now (he's OOT 3 out of 4 weeks). I'm hoping also to join some Mommy classes once LO arrives in July.
Heck, we should meet up 1/2 way since you live near Chicago!
I totally can relate. I have never had that many girls for friends but there are 2 girls that I basically grew up with but they are both super close and I always feel like the 3rd wheel. I am also first to get married and have a baby ( I am 23).They both do not live close to us either which makes it more difficult.
My DH on the other hand has tons of guy friends. He is way more social and does mention that I should reach out more to my girlfriends. I just feel with school and work and now taking it easy being preggo I just really dont mind not being busy all the time with friends. There is one couple that I met through DH that we pretty much dont talk to anymore since I have been preggo. They are still in the party phase and love to smoke pot. I just feel guilty being around that and I dont trust the one guy. long story.
I just think its difficult at my age to have really good solid friends because everyone is at different stages in their life. I am a little bummed because one of our good couple friends(through DH) has an almost 2 year old and they used to live like blocks away from us, well they had to move so we dont see them that often anymore.
I too am going to look into some mommy groups after she's here. I think I need to find some friends that are on the same path as DH and I. Glad to hear you sympathize. Hope you find a group!
Your dad may have a point. I'm glad you vented! Sorry about your girlfriend, sounds like she's a little blind to what is reality. Better she probably find out for herself. Thanks for posting.
Thanks so much CB. I appreciate this... I totally understand with the 3rd wheel! That is absolutely my friendship with the two girls who were my bff's for 15 years. They were VERY similar types of girls, and I was always odd-man out. Now i'm just out. haha. Sorry about your bff not stopping by? That's not right... I hope your bedrest is going alright still. And I am absolutely looking into the mommy groups, thank you.
It sounds like we have very similar experiences, unfortunately. My DH used to travel when he worked for IBM, he'd be on 5 days a week, and be home on the weekend. I feel your pain and loneliness. I'm sorry he's OOT so much. It was really rough on me, but you seem much stronger than I in that situation! I am also thinking of joining a mommy group as well, I think it'll be a place to meet some like-minded ladies. Thanks for letting me know I'm definitely not alone in these feelings.
We should! I am definitely not far from Chicago!
I got engaged at 22 almost 23 so I understand EXACTLY what you're feeling. I still think, even at 26, all the people I know are at different stages, so it's difficult to level with people sometimes. Maybe that's just what your 20's are, CHANGE... cause it's definitely still just as hard as it was when I was your age. Cheer up, I'm sure it gets easier soon. You too should look into a mommy group, I'm hoping to meet some great ladies there.
When my husband was traveling more for work (weeks at a time), people use to joke about how lucky I was that I saw his paycheck more than I saw him. They really didn't seem to get that I really actually like my husband - a lot! That's why I married him.
I feel for the women with OOT husbands. It really made me a little crazy when mine was gone all of the time.
Awww, I talk to my dog most of the day when I'm off work. I sympathize
And that's so crazy, the two girls I spoke of in the post, were in my wedding and did some real shitty things, and I actually kicked them out of the wedding, and it really was the best decision (really hard) in the end. Selfish people astound me. I am probably going to be a SAHM once Avery is here, so I will probably understand your feelings even more so, soon enough. Thanks for commenting. Maybe we should get the Chicago area July bumpies together?!
My Blogs -
My DH and I were just talking about this recently. We are the last of our group of friends to get married and to get pregnant/have children, so I thought all the girls is the crowd would be more open to our new lives. They would call me all the time and talk to me about their husbands and children and I listened intently always thinking in the back of my mind that this would one day be me and I'd want someone to vent to. Never did I think most of my vents would be on TB! It's so weird. I'm totally asking myself where did they all go? I have one girlfriend that still calls regularly but rarely does she ask about me, it's usually about what's going on in her life and I barely get a word in.
I'm hoping I'm just being extra sensitive...then again call logs don't lie! The crazy thing is DH's friends are always asking about me. It's like the guys are more interested! UGH
My friends have all scrambled, but DH's family and work friends are crazy excited. He is by far the youngest guy at work. I think the next oldest is mid-40s and most of them are in their 60s and every single one of them is a male. They are all so ridiculously excited about every little thing. The guy who sits next to him was really excited when he found out it was a boy (probably would've been really excited to find out it was a girl - LOL). They're all giving him advice and are constantly asking how I'm doing and when they'll get to meet LO. They're like baby crazy. A bunch of baby crazy 60 year-old engineers.
I am late to the party in responding but definitely feel the same way. I haven't been able to keep touch with many of my friends from college, I was by far the first to get married and start moving on from the party phase of life. My sister threw me a shower a couple weeks ago up in Wisconsin (where I grew up and went to school) and I invited about 10 of my closest college friends, and none of them came.
DH and I have made a couple friends down here that are in a similar place in their lives (married w/babies), but they are not very reliable or considerate friends, which just frustrates us to no end at times.
We should definitely get the Chicago area ladies together sometime, that would be so cool! I'm way out west, St. Charles area.