NSAHMR: Facebook etiquette?

aundraya · May 2011

Okay, so I have a question for you ladies. I post videos of my DD on my Facebook page so that DH (who is deployed) can see them. It's actually become a weekly thing, b/c most of my family doesn't live around me, and they all enjoying watch DD grow, and I enjoy the comments they post. However, lately a few people (MIL especially) have been taking my videos and posting them on their pages. This bothers me a lot, b/c I have my settings set up a certain way, and I only allow certain people to watch the videos in the first place, so when they take them and repost them, I no longer have a clue who is watching my DD. I guess I should note that MIL doesn't hang around the nicest sort of people. I know this sounds a little paranoid, but there are crazy people in the world, and if they don't have their pages set to "friends only", who knows who's looking at my kid! None of the videos are anything to worry about (ie, no splashing in the tub videos), but it still bothers me.

So am I alone in this, or do I just sound like a paranoid, crazy mom?

Emiliana7 · May 2011

I'm with you on this. I hate when my inlaws take my photos of my kids and post them on thier profile! I don't know any of their other friends except the ones who would already see the photos on my profile so there is no need for them to take my photos of the kids.

I've about de-friended them but don't want to cause an uproar over it. I have blocked my MIL and 2 of my SILs from being able to comment on anything on my profile because their views run so opposite mine and all my other friends and family.

I do clean out my albums every so often to make sure nothing old stays on my profile, but I do realize its the internet and anything put out there can't be deleted.

You can post some stuff and set the privacy where only your DH can see it (or whoever you want)

If it does get to you too much I would ask them not to do it, if they refuse to not to anymore or just do it in the future I would block them from seeing photos/videos I post. That way if someone else shows them it and they go to theirs to see/get it and see that they can't they will know you meant buisness.

jnksmom · May 2011

I am right there with you. FIL's wife does this all the time with my pictures. Seriously one day I got on and my entire home page was all the pictures she had shared on her page. It really bugs me but saying anything would only cause MAJOR problems. I would really like to defriend them but again that would cause issues. She is the most sensitive person in the world but also loves to create drama...it is impossible to express any concern or frustration with her or FIL.

laney75 · May 2011

How about just posting them somewhere else and then creating it so it's only viewable by certain people? I wouldn't want my family sharing videos either. Probably harmless but it would bug me. You could put them on a blog or somewhere like youtube, etc with password protection or something.

J&A2008 · May 2011

You can post the videos on facebook and limit the people who can view them, by name.

MommyMich · May 2011

I think that posting things to FB means that they are fair game. If you only want your DH to see things then I would e-mail the videos directly to him. My grandmother shares my albums on her page because she has some relatives that are not friends with me. It doesn't bother me and I too have my settings on "just friends." I understand your concern, but such is the nature of the internet.

EnglishMajor03 · May 2011

I don't have a FB page but my siblings are constantly posting pictures of the girls on their public pages. It drives me crazy. And my siblings hang out with good people; no one sketchy or anything like that.

I have no idea how you can stop that on FB because as I mentioned I don't have an account but you aren't crazy. I'm right there with you.

memali26 · May 2011

If you're uncomfortable with them reposting your videos, try setting up a private YouTube account. I *think* you can limit who can see it, so you can still share with everyone, but not worry about them linking the videos elsewhere.

Fashiongal1973 · May 2011

MommyMich:
I think that posting things to FB means that they are fair game. If you only want your DH to see things then I would e-mail the videos directly to him. My grandmother shares my albums on her page because she has some relatives that are not friends with me. It doesn't bother me and I too have my settings on "just friends." I understand your concern, but such is the nature of the internet.

This

Sweets2005 · May 2011

No you are not alone, that isn't ok. I have explicitly told everyone to NOT share my videos/photos. If they did, I would stop posting/emailing them. Your DH can watch them through a password protected shutterfly page if need be.

nekorayne · May 2011

It never has bothered me when my MIL does it, but it really is a different case.

My MIL always shoots me a message to ask if I mind first and also has good security settings.DH has a close family who has a close family and friend network who we know well, these are the people who see it....she is not a friend hoarder and really only friends people close to her in some way. So I think it is great that MIL wants to show off her grandkids and I know that the people who see the stuff, they are family, close friends, and at furthest her daycare kids moms and dads who I know well.Also she does not share everything, just a few special pics or videos that she may hold very dear to her heart: pics of the cousins playing together, video of LO crawling first time, very addorible picture that shows of his big blue eyes...not every little thing.

In your case, then I would mind! She is not asking and it sounds like she does not have good security settings....

J&A2008 · May 2011

I'm going to reiterate since people are suggesting other sites. You can keep uploading the pics/videos to Facebook. When you edit or when you upload, in the list of "Title, Description, the last one is "Privacy." Click "Privacy" and then select "Customize" from the bottom of the dropdown menu. It opens a new window. You can choose "Make visible to" and then "Specific people" and then you type in the names of the people on Facebook that you want to be able to view the video. You can also make it open to all your friends, but hide it from certain friends (MIL) by putting her name in the "Hide this from" section.

WhitePicketFence · May 2011

Can you just email the videos to your DH instead?

(I don't have a FB account so I have no clue how their security settings work.)

Daisy77 · May 2011

I understand your frustration. I too keep my profile, pictures, etc. set to private and "friends only", I ask DD#1 to do the same for albums with DS and DD#2 in them. However, 2 years ago my then-new SIL copy and pasted almost the whole album of pics I posted for their wedding. Had she just taken the ones without the kids, that would have been fine. It was their wedding after all. Heck, she could have asked me and I probably would have said okay. It was that she took them without permission and knew my settings and why I have them that way. (And when I posted my concern on here I got my head taken off....so thanks for the nice responses ladies!:)

With that said, it sucks you can't prevent everyone from sharing your stuff and it is the internet. I would either set the videos so your MIL can't see (and then share) them or set them up on an password protected account so your DH can still see them.

JAnalynn3767 · May 2011

Semi- Lurker here chiming in since this happens to be pretty important to me --

FWIW Nothing posted on facebook is private. I don?t care what your security settings are. In college one of my young professors had a side job where he actually researched peoples social networking sites for kinda of a ?private investigator/background check? thing. (mostly for employers before they hired someone) He always said that if you put something on facebook he could find it, regardless of whether you hid it, deleted it etc. They ways that he got to these things are easily learned through a google search.

Also, even if your settings are private, simply by her (or anyone else) commenting on the picture it can show in her friends news feed -- ?xxxx commented on xxxx?s video.? Only a screenshot of the video will show and then if they were to click on it it wouldn?t play, but not much different in my opinion.

I personally have no need to post my child?s life online, but in your situation I would find a different medium. Although if she is reposting the videos without your permission, I would bet there wouldn?t be anything stopping her from sharing a password to an account either.

I would talk to her first, and then give her one more chance on a more secure site if I found out she was sharing that password, I would change the password and not give her access.

You don?t know who is watching and for what reason. I always go back to that ?rob this house? website where they posted status updates showing where peoples houses are empty. I know it sounds extreme, but you really don?t want LO showing up on some knock-off ?kidnap this kid? website.

It really is so easy to figure out someone?s habits and patterns by watching videos or pictures that are posted regularly. Like they say a picture is worth a thousand words, and there is definately information in them you don?t want others having. Even as simple as the layout of your house can make a robbery so much easier for a thief.

Ok, rant over. I know most people are generally good, but it is those few and far between bad eggs you have to watch out for. (Can you tell I majored in a CIA related field lol).

Dochas · May 2011

EnglishMajor03:
I don't have a FB page but my siblings are constantly posting pictures of the girls on their public pages. It drives me crazy. And my siblings hang out with good people; no one sketchy or anything like that.
I have no idea how you can stop that on FB because as I mentioned I don't have an account but you aren't crazy. I'm right there with you.

I think that's awful and you should say something. I wasn't sure if I would post pictures of Daniel on there. I do because we have family in other countries and throughout this one and I like to share them. But I would be furious if I didn't have a page and other people were doing that. I NEVER post a picture of someone on there who has not put pictures of themselves up. And I certainly wouldn't put pictures of their child up if they didn't.

Sweets2005 · May 2011

J&A2008:
I'm going to reiterate since people are suggesting other sites. You can keep uploading the pics/videos to Facebook. When you edit or when you upload, in the list of "Title, Description, the last one is "Privacy." Click "Privacy" and then select "Customize" from the bottom of the dropdown menu. It opens a new window. You can choose "Make visible to" and then "Specific people" and then you type in the names of the people on Facebook that you want to be able to view the video. You can also make it open to all your friends, but hide it from certain friends (MIL) by putting her name in the "Hide this from" section.

You still have to be careful with FB, though. They are always changing their privacy settings and I am always having to go back in and fix mine to what they were/should be.

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