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Cincinnati Babies
KYmama9286
member
WWYD-- carseat safety
KYmama9286
member
So I feel really strongly about carseat safety and extended rear facing and I know many of you do too. What do you do in situations with family and friends when you see either a child forward facing when they really shouldn't be or not using a carseat at all?
My best friend has a son who is 2 weeks younger than Nicholas and he is obviously bigger than Nicholas but still in the 50th percentile for their age. My friend just switched him out of his pumpkin seat into a convertible seat but she has it forward facing. I had casually talked to her about extended rear facing before they switched but even then she was just like " I dunno....he has started getting really bored and fussy in the car and I think if he is forward facing he will have more to look at" and that was it. It was definitely a short conversation where I got the vibe that she didn't want to talk about it further. It is KILLING me to see him forward facing because he is SO young (not even 14 months yet) and I don't think 20lbs so not even based on old standards should he be forward facing. When I saw their new car seat I even asked casually if it could be rear facing too and she said yes. Should I just let it go or should I say something? This friend is like family to me and her son is as close as it comes to being like my own. She is a really smart and loving mother and I am kind of surprised she is so lax about this. WWYD?
I also have a SIL who is really lax and has her stick-thin as a rail 5 year old not using a car seat at all which really bugs me too. She is super lax about car seat safety and thinks its laughable that there are even laws and rules about this kind of stuff. I hate that I am the stickler about this stuff with DH's family and it causes a lot of awkward moments because NONE of his sisters follow appropriate car seat rules and I know I am going to be the odd man out that has my very small 3 year old still rear facing haha
How far do you go in situations like this? I get that each family has the right to make these decisions on their own and I don't negate that at all it's more a matter of if they really had all the knowledge and information how could they make the choices they do? I suppose maybe I would struggle less if I knew they had all the information but still chose to be unsafe--- I just couldn't live with myself if something happened that could have been prevented if I said something.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD-- carseat safety
Honestly, if I see a friend FF facing their child and I KNOW they know about RFing longer being safer, either because they've mentioned it, or I've mentioned it, I just say nothing. I have a friend who is a total safety stickler about everything, but she turned her 13-month-old around because she says he's so big, and she even mentioned knowing she should have RF'd him longer and had read the revised guidelines but didn't feel like it. What can you say to people, you know? I think sometimes we feel so strongly about something that we forget that maybe other people just think it is as that big of a deal, which is obviously a shame when it comes to safety.
But then, along the same lines, I had friends who would have sooner fed their kids rat poison then formula, and I just didn't think it was a big deal that I ended up switching to formula, and I absolutely hated when they'd make these comments (which I viewed as patronizing) saying things about formula vs. BM. I chose what I chose, I guess, even though I knew the risks and benefits. Again, it's a totally different scenario, but I guess I'm trying to rationalize why I don't speak up if I know someone has made the conscious choice to FF even though they know the guidelines.
It's a fine line because it's difficult to convince people to act differently when what they are doing is within legal limits. So while it's preferable for children to remain rear facing as long as possible the *legal* minimum requirement is 20lbs and 1 year. Ditto with the 5 year old - is she in a booster? If she isn't in a booster and/or if someone is breaking the law by all means educate them. Other than that you can send them the YouTube videos about rear facing and hope they make an impression. But beyond that there isn't much you can do.
You know what it's like when everyone around you has an opinion on your parenting practices or something you are doing with your LO. Everyone hates feeling like they are being judged or lectured by friends or family so oftentimes these conversations are difficult to have and cause more resentment than change.
I agree with this. If there's one thing that I've learned (in life, and especially as a parent), is that not everyone feels the same about certain things. And to be perfectly honest, I know and understand the reasons for the regulations, but I can't honestly say that I'd follow them if I was at a point where I was comfortable putting Alex FF.
Who knows, at 11 months Alex is 33 inches and 24lbs. He might be in a booster seat when he's two.
I think there are things we all do as parents that others feel aren't the best course of action. I totally get that there is a ton of research in different areas to show that one way is much better than the other. But I think we all make the decisions that we do in order to SURVIVE parenting, KWIM?
I agree with you on all the car seat guidelines and I am one of those people who spouts off research and new guidlines/ideas when it comes to parenting when I have the chance. Hence my FB page which is filled with parenting articles. I. am. a. nerd. Anyways, the stuff I feel strongly about, I try to bring up in a non-confrontential way, just because I feel like knowledge is power and a lot of people really truly don't know about certain things. If they know the facts and choose to ignore them, then end of convo, I wouldn't say anything else. In the case of your SILs, if it comes up in convo, I say to spout off the facts in a really nice way. They have to love you, or at least put up with you, cause you are family.
Thanks for the suggestions! I was hesitant to say something because I know how annoying the "know-it-all" mom is. I also think it IS every parent's decision. I guess the best I can do is make sure the kids are safe while in my car and maybe harp on the importance of the issue if I know my friend or SIL will be driving with Nicholas. I think maybe I'll just vaguely post a you-tube clip about rear facing on FB and hopefully they learn something from it or at least watch it.