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Two Under 2
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Advice for unusual Irish Twins situation
[Deleted User]
member
in Two Under 2
Hi,
I am brand new to this board. I am having Irish twins and my situation is a little unusual and I'm looking for some advice. Hope you can help!
My son was born prematurely on August 1st, 2010 and spent his first 4 months in the hospital due to a congenital heart defect which required open heart surgery and a slow recovery.
I never had a baby shower for DS#1. It was originally scheduled for the week after he was born, but I was too busy and emotionally drained with him in the NICU to want to reschedule it.
While he was in the hospital, my son was fed through a tube and I couldn't breastfeed him. I pumped as best I could, but the milk never really came, despite all the best advice and efforts. I finally stopped pumping after 3 months because the stress was too much.
When my son was 4 months old and I was staying with him at the hospital, I found out that I was pregnant again. Having another child was the LAST thing we were thinking of at that time, so needless to say, it was an unwelcome surprise.
Today, DS#1 is doing much better, but is still fed by a g-tube and will require another open heart surgery in the future. I have had time to accept and get excited about DS#2, who is due at the end of August.
Here are my questions:
1) My friends want to throw me a shower for DS#2. I've always heard that it is tacky to have a shower for the 2nd, but I never had a shower for DS#1 and frankly his medical bills have left us strapped. I decided to let them throw the shower. Am I horribly awful and tacky?
2) When DS#2 is born, do you think I could try to breastfeed DS#1? Or has that ship totally sailed?
3) Am I going to want to slit my wrists trying to take care of one medically-fragile child and another one who is only 13 months younger?
Thanks in advance!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice for unusual Irish Twins situation
You and I will have to start a club! I gave birth on Oct. 2, 2010. I am currently pregnant and the baby is due Oct. 11, 2011. My ds was born at 24 weeks gestation and spent 4 1/2 months in the nicu. We just went to nicu today as his g tube deflated and came out (he has never taken a bottle well).
1. Let her throw the shower for you and have a great time!
2. I would ask your pediatrician.
3. I hope not as I am in the same boat.
This was an unplanned and unwelcome pregnancy for us as well. A lot of people don't realize how having an early preemie and the medical issues that come with it changes your outlook on things.
My name is Deidra and my email is beyoga@gmail.com if you care to be belly buddies.
Sending thoughts and prayers.
1. Enjoy your shower. No one will think doing so is tacky.
2. I'm honestly not sure. Ditto pp to ask your doc.
3. Although it may be hard you'll make it. Use your support group, ask for help when you need it, and remember that you're being the best mom you can. Be as kind to yourself as you are your kids.
1. Have a shower for #2. If anyone says anything negative about it, they are a jerk.
2. IDK about BF an older child. I would talk to a lactation consultant or a LLL leader. Like the pp mentioned, you could definitely give LO1 pumped milk in a cup. I give pumped milk mixed with whole milk to the toddler from time to time.
3. I love having 2 close together. There will be stressful times, but you can handle it!
1. Absolutely have your shower--you totally deserve it and I can't imagine a soul in the world who would disagree.
2. I agree with PP about this--a lactation consultant will likely be of great help.
3. I've heard that when it comes to 2u2, the closer the better. At least Lo#1 won't be able to run away from you when Lo#2 arrives
I wish you all the best in the world!
Are you in the Pregnant After Preemie club on the Preemie board? I don't remember seeing you around, but baby brain is pretty fierce right now
If not, we would love to have you join us. Our check-ins are on Wednesdays and there is one up on the Preemie board right now!
1) My friends want to throw me a shower for DS#2. I've always heard that it is tacky to have a shower for the 2nd, but I never had a shower for DS#1 and frankly his medical bills have left us strapped. I decided to let them throw the shower. Am I horribly awful and tacky? Not tacky at all.
2) When DS#2 is born, do you think I could try to breastfeed DS#1? Or has that ship totally sailed? Ask your pedi. It's unlikely that LO #1 will be able to latch correctly, but you could pump extra to give to him if you wanted him to have BM.
3) Am I going to want to slit my wrists trying to take care of one medically-fragile child and another one who is only 13 months younger? Ok. I'm going to be completely honest with you. I was in the same boat. We didn't want DS (at least not so soon). I wasn't happy about being pregnant with him all the way until I gave birth. I knew I was going to deal with PPD. It hit hard. I was telling people that had I known how hard it was going to be, I would have had an abortion. Seriously. The first four months were really really bad. It's hard. But once you get past, it, things start becoming routine. It was about 5 months that I "woke up" and started really enjoying things. Now I wouldn't have it any other way.
Note: My daughter had tons of eating issues and was hospitalized twice. not on the scale of your LO's troubles at all, but it was stressful.
Honestly, my biggest advice is to know what PPD signs to look for (temperment issues, wanting to be alone, not wanting to be around your baby, etc), and know to ask for help as soon as you see them if you do. Getting on an anti-depressant was a life saver for me. It didn't give me a complete 180, but it did help a TON.
**hugs**
1-Based on those circumstances, that is not tacky at all. Enjoy your shower.
2-I would think no, but you can talk to a LC at the hospital about it.
3-It will probably be difficult in the beginning, I'm not going to lie. But you will manage and come out stronger because of it.
1) I agree with PP, you should enjoy your shower, this is your first shower weather or not it's your first baby.
2) I don't know the answer to this question, but it could be worth a try. Talk to your pedi, the only suggestion I would have is wait until you are comfortable BFing DS2 before trying with DS1, you don't want to add stress when bringing home a newborn. Once you have established your supply you can either pump for DS2 or try to see if he will nurse.
3) There are days I wonder what I was thinking having so many close together (no child is an angel 100% of the time), but there are so many more days that are wonderful, that those days just melt away. None of my kids are special needs, so I imagine that there will be challenging times ahead, but you can make it through!
1) Enjoy your shower. Not tacky at all under your circumstances.
2) Can't help with the breastfeeding thing.
3) Irish twins are hard, but I assume two kids. no matter what the ages, are hard in their own ways. The lack of sleep is really tough the first couple of months so ask for and accept help anyway you can get it.
You didn't ask the question, but I just wanted to add that our #2 was a surprise as well. It took me months to even accept that it was happening and even more time to get happy about it. I was still pretty traumatized by #1's delivery and then finding out that he has kidney problems (with a surgery next month, ugh). His issues are nowhere near what you are dealing with, so my heart goes out to you. Take one day at a time and even through all the chaos, it's totally been worth it.
1. Definitely have a shower for DS#2. Seriously if anyone says anything you should feel free to ask them to leave. I wouldn't even think it was tacky to include celebrating DS#1 at the shower and getting gifts for both babies.
2. Give it a try, I would talk to his pedi but BFing might actually be good for the little guy.
3. I would be super open about needing help before DS#2 arrives. Send out an e-mail to people you think want/can help and let them know you are in a tough spot and you are going to need some extra help given your very special situation. See if you can get people to sign up for times when they come and help with whatever they can do. You will be shocked at people's generosity.
Eleanor 9.30.13
1. Definitely not tacky, this is not your typical situation.
2. If you want to try to BF him, I don't see why not. If he is/was g-tube fed, as long as he's been ok'd by his pedi to eat orally now, you can always offer. He may watch DS2 and want to give it a try, he might not. While he may or may not ever get a great latch, if he's happy nursing and you are ok with it, it should be fine...it certainly wouldn't hurt him. You could talk to a LC to get additional ideas on how to make it work. The only thing I wouldn't do is cut back on the amount of liquids you offer to him so that you ensure he gets enough. If he does do well BFing and cuts back on his own, that should be fine, but I wouldn't try to "strongly encourage" BFing by trying to restrict his other liquids.
3. I agree with the PP about being very open to help from others. When people ask to help, let them! And be very open to asking to help when you need it.